The lady opposite said

"You are not a superwoman"

And it reminded her of a day when she had sat in the night and cried helplessly before a practical exam because she just couldn't get the hang of any of the experiments and there was no time left to salvage the situation....her parents had told her don't worry........Just believe that you will be able to do the experiment and you will be able to..... next day when she went for the exam and with her heart in the mouth lifted the chit out of the box with the experiment name on it.....it turned out to be the one and only experiment she knew....

She thought to herself....

If I believe I can be one.....then only I will be one....

And she left the lady unanswered.....

Unknown Connections.....

So,  this February....the so called month of love.....in other words..... connections....I thought let me try and recollect all those small connections known and unknown....and see how many I can recollect......so here it goes

We had just shifted in.....S joined office....and I was at home trying to set everything.....suddenly the door bell rang and an elderly lady almost in her nineties asked me.....have you just shifted in my girl....busy unpacking are u....u look just like my grand daughter......u must have not set your kitchen still....please have these puranpolis...it will be filling for lunch.....wait I will send in my maid.....she will help you with all the setting.....

I was new in Mumbai.... Took a BEST bus from office to station....for the first time was experiencing the crowded bus and rains of Mumbai where I couldn't find my own legs and hands after getting into the bus let alone breathe...it was raining heavily and the traffic just stopped at a certain point and just didn't budge.....all the people in the bus got down making you forcibly get down along with them.....after getting off I had no clue where I was.....decided to follow the crowd assuming they must be going to the station.....but everyone seemed to be running without a care for getting drenched....and when it came to crossing the road in front of VT... I was zapped....I just couldn't cross and my umbrella broke with the wind. ....just then an unknown guy asked....shall I help. ..Before I answered he held my hand and helped me cross the road....and while crossing he took out a spare umbrella....gave it to me and said. ...here trees keep falling in the wind.... make sure u hold the umbrella tightly above your head.....and before I could thank him he disappeared in the crowd

Again it was raining heavily one day.....and with great difficulty I had caught the local and reached Wadala station.....but just could not find a single taxi for home.....after a long wait.....decided to walk down....wading through water up-to waist.....could see water snakes wading around in all the dirt and my heart skipped a beat.....just then a taxi guy stopped and said madam aa jao aap.....main chod deta hoon....he fit in as many women as he could fit in in his taxi and dropped us all

One day I had got really late in office....and was terribly tired....desparately trying to keep myself awake in the taxi.....suddenly the driver asked madam bura na mano toh main aap ke saath baat Karun.....aapko bhi Neend nahi aayegi and Mujhe bhi... .He spoke about his journey and hardships from UP to Mumbai and his family back home... His dream of buying a home in his village....and when my stop came and I got off....I forgot my laptop in his taxi.....and walked inside the society to my building.. .And he came running behind to handover the laptop!!

I used to take a fixed taxi in the morning to office......one day when it was raining heavily.....I came down my office building thinking today finding a taxi to station itself will be a challenge forget about home.....and almost made up my mind to look for a bus when I saw a taxi right in front of the office gate ....and it was the same taxi that I used to take in the morning.....madam aaj Bahut baarish thi....mujhe laga aapko taxi chahiye hoga ghar lautne ko!!

I was sitting in the waiting area for my doctor to come.....a little worried....one person with a broken leg along with his wife came and sat beside me....and started conversing.....the way he described his diagnosis of TB and it's long treatment was heart rending...but it was overwhelming to see the humorous way in which he put across each aspect.....I asked him what happened to his leg.....and he said oh that.. ..I was trying to play quidditch....and he winked...... and just then my turn came to go in.....and I was already all smiles.....

Our car had broke down in the middle of a busy highway and S and me were wondering what to do....three executives were standing at the bus stop with blazer and all....suddenly came and started helping with pushing the car and getting it started

I was quietly having breakfast at a corner in the canteen......lost that I had my checkup on that day.....and just couldn't take my mind off it.....suddenly a friend cum colleague just appeared from no where and sat across the table with his breakfast.....it took few seconds for me to register.....and  he pulled me out of my trance.....

And to many more such unknown connections which always leave you short of words!!

15 yrs old playlist!!

So after ages.....almost 15 yrs.....on a day I was feeling low for no reason in particular. ....I happened to hear to this song Dhaani from album Strings.....and it just took me back in the memory lane to that cubicle of my office space when I was in IT.....

And somehow I started playing one song after other....my 15 yrs old playlist.....Strings, Lucky Ali, Boondh Jal band, Euphoria and so many more.....and memories just came flooding back.....come to think of it I didn't want to leave my job in IT at that time because I used to get to play songs and listen to them while working....

As I was already on a trip down my memory lane I decided let me dare to go a little more back in the past and play the playlist I used to hear during my Engg.....It reminded me of my small black tape recorder which was my most prized possession.....I remember I used to switch on the tape first and then the lights of the room when I used to get back from classes.....how I used to ride miles on my cycle just to get my list of songs recorded.....

It reminded me of those blurred faces.....my room and it's minimalistic possessions. ...my trunk which was another prized possession of mine.....where I had stored all those little memories....my favorite course books, notes, gifts, wind chime, ID card, letters, slam book, scarf, snaps, year book, that small Ganpati idol, tapes....... and a piece of me.....locked in the trunk since last 15 years.....intact.....untouched.....eating dust somewhere in the corner of my parental house.....

Someone recently was telling me.....how can u associate Urself with things like that......why can't u disassociate and like things the way they are.....and I don't know how that even works.....how to not associate  with things?!

Old music and songs can really be so therapeutic!! They so easily .....effortlessly take you back in time....also remind you of frens whose favourite song it used to be.....and of places times you were in with crystal clear image of Urself at that very point in time.....almost like as if you your current self is a spectator to that very moment in time you go back to.....

And you realise how long ago that was....and what a long way you have already come from there......so may be there will be a time sometime in future too when u will think about ur memories of today.....and feel the same.....

One day when she was very tired
And didn't want to go home tired to her loved ones
She looked around for a wall
To lean on
And to her surprise
She found a wall right there infront
The wall had always been there
But she had never noticed it earlier
May be her need made her notice the wall
But there the wall was
Standing tall...... right there
She leaned on the wall for a while
And vented out all her tiredness
All the while the wall was hearing quietly
She was glad that the wall absorbed it all
The wall never said anything
And she too never heard the wall
All of a sudden
She turned to look at the wall and asked
Were you listening
The wall didn't answer
That's when she realised
The wall could only hear
Afterall it was just a wall
But somehow she felt nice
That the wall could only hear
She didn't want the wall to listen
She never wanted the wall to listen
But she also knew
The wall will grow tired of hearing one day
And she will grow tired of the wall one day
She gave the wall a smile
As smile was all she could give in return
And left.....

She asked him

Where.....

And he answered

Here.......as always......


PS: Happy Valentine's Day S:)!!

When you are short of words.....and it's February!!

itti si hansi
Itti si khushi
Itna sa tukda chand ka
Khwaabon ke, tinkon se
Chal banaaye aashiyan

Dabe dabe paaon se
Aaye haule haule zindagi
Honthon pe ungli chadha ke
Hum taale laga ke chal
Gumsum tarane chupke chupke gaaye
Aadhi aadhi baat le
Aaja dil ki yeh zameen
Thoda sa tera sa hoga
Thoda mera bhi hoga apna yeh aashiyan

Naa ho chaar deewarein
Phir bhi jharokhe khule
Baadalon ke honthon pe
Shaakhe hari, pankha chale

Naa ho koi takraarein
Arrey masti thahaake chale
Pyaar ke sikkon se, mahine ka kharcha chale

Itti si hansi
Itti si khushi
Itna sa tukda chand ka
Khwaabon ke, tinkon se
Chal banaaye aashiyan

The Goblin appeared.....
Pixie was waiting anxiously....she knew Goblin would come.....

Goblin : So,  you know why I am here?!
Pixie (looking down) : yes....I know
Goblin : Good.....so extend your hand....I am going to take away some of your magical powers....
Pixie....still looking down....meekly extended her hands
Goblin : I am glad you are not questioning
Pixie : I fell weak.....I am sorry.....
Goblin : Hmmmm.....I was waiting to see when you will realise.....so how did sympathy feel?!!
Pixie kept looking down......

With that the Goblin left.......

No Strings Attached!!

So,  recently I happened to meet one of my bestest friends who was travelling to India on a vacation after long.....and as we sat conversing....we got into discussion on developing attachments.....and that's what got me thinking......

She is not the first person telling me that she doesn't develop emotional attachment with people.....I have been hearing it from few people (at least 2 of them I can think off.....who have told me the exact same sentence) .....so what exactly do they mean by not developing any emotional attachment....is it like they don't have any expectations from the opposite person or is it like out of sight is out of mind types. 

This reminds me off a very good friend I had few years ago.....so I had this habit of switching off my phone after reaching home from office and this friend of mine taunted me so much on this habit of mine that he ensured I don't switch off my phone after reaching home.....so much so that he used to give a call daily and speak for at least 30-40 min even if it was nonsense talk.....just to take me off the habit.....then one day he got an onsite opportunity.....and left abroad for work.....and he just never kept in touch....and it really took some time for me to adjust to the fact that there will be no evening calls (yeah I am bad at adjusting to practicality...I get attached to non-living things....forget about living beings) .....everytime someone talks off out of sight is out of mind and all I get reminded of this friend of mine.....a true example.....but I have never understood what exactly happens.....I can understand not keeping in touch....because it's probably impossible to keep in touch with every friend of yours.....even I, who gets attached to things at the drop of the hat (something I am not proud off.....)  find it difficult to keep in touch with people......but do you never get reminded of the person ever......is that possible....does that happen.....

May be it does......as people are so occupied these days that some people even time their lunch in such a way so as to not waste 5-10 minutes of their precious work time......then how can I even think of people finding time to remember long lost friends who are out of sight. I must be stupid!!

I was reading this article today which said find some time and talk to strangers.....it helps in reducing stress levels.....and I really don't know if that will help.....who is interested to speak to you to reduce your stress levels.....forget about strangers I don't think even friends are free to do that most of the times.....people are just so much into themselves and their work these days....sometimes it's just mind boggling....infact it irritates them if someone is trying to be friendly and eating into their time!!

But in this so called busy world there still are people ( you may call them names.....like I am :P) .....I had met once two people on my bus who had described their job to me.....how they had got out from corporate race and had started something of their own.....how passionate they were of the product they were trying to sell....what their hobbies were.....come to think of it.....even in this busy schedule they found time to follow their hobbies.....one was into photography of birds....he spent all his free time on shooting them.....and other one was fond of marathons......they showed me snaps of their family too (quite a bit for being strangers)...so total strangers whom I had met on a bus.....who were full of life.....and I even remember them telling me they felt claustrophobic in my office (where they had come to sell their product) because everyone seems so grim and grave.....not so much of a smile even!!

So yeah may be the article says it right....talking to complete strangers sometimes does probably help because you have no strings attached......you don't expect anything.....you just speak and listen.....if the conversation goes great.....well and good.... Doesn't go good you won't even remember it.....and it's always good in a way too.....because you never get to meet the stranger again.....so even if you got carried away and said anything.....it stays with the stranger.....no need to bother about it ever again!! 

My Best Time in the day!!

So as the title of the post goes let me describe the most favorite part of my day.....daily.....my so called "me time".....

So the alarm goes off.....and everyday....mind you every day I wake up to think how can it be 7 am this soon.....for dear God's sake it's still dark.....and especially now that it's "winters" in Mumbai....well the pain of waking up when the alarm goes off is even more.... Especially with me..... who does not and never belonged to the early riser category..... I have always timed my alarm right from school such that there is just enough time for every thing to finish and reach at the destination just at the knick...whether it be school, exams, college, interviews or job.....alarm always set to 10 min before (for the solace that there is 10 min left still) I really really need to be out of bed or else the purpose is lost!!

So, cutting out the painful part.....the best part of my day begins from the point I get out of the lift and walk down to catch my bus to office. I just love that fog and the slight shiver in the chilly wind.....every day without fail it just takes me to BITS and reminds me of my walk from my hostel to insti in that chill weather in winters when your face and hands used to hurt....it used to be that cold!! Everyday I feel like clicking a pic of the misty fog and everyday I feel sad for not being able to capture the perfect fog in my phone camera... I am not joking.....I really try everyday.....And I just love to walk to my bus smelling the fog.... Yes I know that it has no smell.....but still!!

And then starts the bus ride, as mine is the first stop I never fail to get the window seat.....I just choose the same seat everyday....in the same bus....and push the curtains for the sunlight to come in.....because I like it bright and lighted. ......dont like the dingy darkness (because of which my fellow passenger beside me curses me daily I am sure) .....

And after that once I am settled comfortably starts my 1.5 hrs of me time.....purely mine......I am so much in love with the bus ride and my me time that I swear to God that I really fret when someone known comes into the bus on few unfortunate days and wants to strike a conversation with me......

And the same bus ride and walk to my building in the evening....repeat telecast of the morning bliss!! 

These 3.5 hrs that I get in the day all to myself.....are the best time of the day for me.....which probably help in maintaining my sanity......listen to music ( FM 104.8.....I salute you) , sleep, read, write, be lost in thoughts.....pure bliss!!Many people have time and again advised me to move closer to office and I have just not been able to explain to them why is that I don't consider that as any benefit to me.....I just am so much in love with my daily dose of me time :)!! It's true that spending this much time on road does cut my time at home (which I do feel guilty off) but I have always liked a hectic day.....the feel of insufficiency of 24 hrs in the day has always been loved by me. .....the more the leisure the more the discomfort!! So, that's why cheers to my so called "me time" of the day.....it just can't be compensated!!

Pixie & The Goblin.......!!!

So there was this Pixie who used to love to sleep sleep and sleep....and led every day not very different from the other ....and to be honest the Pixie didn't even know she was one.....

Till one fine day a Goblin appeared in her dreams and asked the Pixie....Do you know you are a Pixie?!!

Pixie gave a surprised look and asked.....and what the hell does that mean??!!

Goblin gave a wicked laughter and said it means my dear you have magical powers....but alas!!!

Pixie....now even more surprised.....asked. ..Why alas...??!!

Goblin smiled that know it all smile and said....because you didn't know you had magical powers...... and now that you know you don't have too much time to enjoy exercising your powers....

Pixie ... Huh....what....How much time I have....and what exactly do you mean by magical powers....even if I know now....how the hell do I exercise my powers.....

Goblin guffawed and said.....my dear they are your individual unique powers....you need to learn to exercise them yourself.....no one can tell you how.....

Pixie (annoyed now)....rolling her eyes asked. ...ok and what if I dont learn to ever........ in that limited time limit of yours....

Goblin now winked and said....ok I have a deal!!

Pixie (more annoyed now) ...And that is?!

Goblin....you make a wish list....and keep adding things to the wish list....the longer the wish list the more the time you get....

Pixie (giving up now) .....I don't think I have any wish list......And even if I make one....who the hell is going to fulfil them.....and how.....

Goblin again with his wicked wink....I just told you that you are a Pixie....with magical powers.....remember!!

Pixie.....you mean I will make a wish list....and I will only fulfil them....what if I am not interested.....I don't want any magical powers....I am happy being ordinary I guess....

Goblin.....you will surprise yourself....especially now that I have established the time limit....you just start with the list....and you will see how many wishes you have....they will just add on.. 

Pixie.....great!!!... so I will keep making wishes u mean which will remain unfulfilled?!

Goblin (thinking) .....That's the only way to buy time.....remember you are a rare Pixie and you need to believe in it....and who knows if you make an interesting wish some day....(he winked again)....may be I will help you fulfil it....

And with that the Goblin disappeared....

Pixie kept wondering....what were those magical powers Goblin was talking about....and what was that time limit for....what will happen if her time exhausts Goblin didn't tell her. ....But it didn't seem like it will be a good thing....she looked at the sleeping dwarf and the little elfin and she fell for the deal....she decided to buy time....and she started making her wish list.....she kept adding things to the wish list....just as the Goblin had said....but the Goblin never appeared again...days months and seasons passed....she kept adding to the list but Goblin didn't appear.......slowly she discovered that Goblin was probably right....she started liking her wish list with time....she even had started tick marking against few wishes in her list.... fulfilling them on her own.....magically may be...although she still couldn't discover her Pixie specific magical powers...... She still felt ordinary most of the times.....but the Goblin had said....that she was a rare Pixie..for a while the Pixie had even started looking for some kind of external endorsement on the rarity factor......but with time the Pixie started to learn to believe it herself.....And she loved to believe in that.....it just felt nice to live with that belief......whether she discovered her powers or not it didn't matter to her anymore........she was different.....if not magically....but otherwise........and she had started to probably love and live with the difference.......and that way two years passed since the Goblin had last appeared.....

One fine day wishfully the Pixie made a wish list again and added some wishes which she thought were definitely difficult to fulfil this time......but then that was the Goblin's deal for buying time wasn't it......thats what he had said....And after making the wish list when she slept... ....Goblin appeared again.....much to the Pixie's surprise........What did you come to tell me now.....Pixie asked......Is my time over or what.......And the Goblin answered with a calm smile......No my dear.....I came to fulfil your wish list this time....should I fulfil them!!.....And the Pixie as usual was again lost in her confusion.....she didn't know whether to answer in affirmative or not......it was her Wishlist after all.....she had herself made it.....just that she had not really believed that the Goblin will ever really appear to fulfil it!!

And the Pixie smiled and played the Goblin's trick this time...... and left the decision to the Goblin.....!!

Blogging by the beach....

Life - From my Kaleidoscope!! 

So, finally after 8-10 years of stay in Mumbai, we did visit Goa....well, why we didn't plan a visit to the most frequently visited place by Mumbaikars God alone knows...maybe because I never have had a great interest for beaches and water sports or casinos and parties....but it never occurred to me somehow that Goa is an abode of Portuguese churches and if not for the beach and the party I could have come to Goa for the churches!! It's only after S visiting Goa for his office off-site that it occurred to him that I will love the place for it's churches ( which we surprisingly never thought of in these many years) that he brought me to Goa....

And that's when I thought that I should fulfil my wish of blogging by the beach :)....since I have never blogged earlier about the places I have visited ( simply because I don't think I have the right words to do justice to them) ...But nevertheless there has to be a beginning somewhere...so let me start with Goa.....

So,  Goa..... the most sought after place for partying....also does have something in store for people like me who belong to the non-party animal kind of species....starting with the beautiful Portuguese style houses....painted bright blue green red.....  that adorn the narrow lanes and give you a feeling of landing in Portuguese culture when you go around the lanes on a ride in a Scooty....and you should have seen the thrill on my little Son's face who was experiencing a Scooty ride for the first time and wanted to know in what way can the scooty be transported to Mumbai!!  (Well I had experienced my first ride when I was six times his age!!)....the mystical churches where I definitely can spend all my time if I am left there....specially the ruins of St. Augustine church and the church with the weeping cross (where it seems on two particular days the wounds of Jesus had opened and blood had oozed out with tears flowing down his eyes)....because of my love for churches we also went discovering some not so known churches.....each one of them beautiful in their own way...I don't know why but I always love ruins and age old architectures with historic significance....old civilizations and ruins of age old religious places....may be just for the history they store in those broken reddish greyed out rocks....when I walk on them it overwhelms me thinking that years and years ago these powerful places must be trodden upon by people belonging to another era....so many stories the walls must be holding in them associated with each individual who must have prayed there.....some fulfilled some unfulfilled......so many generations those very rocks must be associated with....It somehow instills the feeling that nothing ever lasts in life......what remain are just the memories stored in the form of ruins...... Only memories can beat the test of time......and nothing else......I simply love places that have deep association with age old history!! 

For the first time spent one whole day at the beach.....although I personally am not a great fan of beaches....and I always thought what's the big deal about spending time at the beach....... But this was S's idea....and this was the first time ever I actually spent an ENTIRE day at the beach....... from sunrise to sunset.......And it felt sooo good.....cocktails accompanied with some music and delicious Goan sea food at a shack by the beach.....overlooking the waves hitting the shore...and their soothing sound....with the misty wind blowing in your face... And with your four year old busy making castles in the sand almost taking a bath in the sand.......with you just lying there like a log letting all your thoughts come and go in waves.......flowing with a free spirit.......without a care in the world........Is a perfect recipe for some nostalgia to hit you!! 

Someone recently had laughed when I said I am visiting Goa for the first time and that too in mid thirties with a kid....but I think age is not a factor for what I have come to see in Goa :)!!

Wedding Bells!!

Me (Lazily) : So,  should we do something for our tenth wedding anniversary!!

S: Yawn

Me: Should we throw a small party....invite few frens....cook stuff and all

S (second yawn) : Hmmmm sure!! 

Me: No,  but that will be lot of running around,planning and cooking...... .May be we should do something else

S: hmmmm

Me: Should we go some where.....like a holiday

S: OK sure

Me: Kerela?!

S: Ok

Me: Will Phuket be better? 

S: Sure

Me: What about Sri Lanka? 

S: Third Yawn

Me: Are you even interested?!

S: Stifling the fourth yawn (with the fear of being thrown out of house this time) let's go to Goa
Me: Goa?!!!

And just then phone rings. ....call from home. ....Brother's wedding date has been decided....and guess what.. .It's the same day as yours!!

And so the plan was decided....so, there have been two weddings this year in our immediate families with 2 BIG coincidences in store for S and me. One being on the very same day as our tenth wedding anniversary and second being held at the same place as our wedding 10 yrs back.....!!

To step into the very same place after over a decade and see my Son running all around the place. ..did feel a bit funny (or I don't know what is the right word to use) ....(its different that we just didn't get time to even click one good snap of all three of us together at the venue ....(eyes rolling)!!) Not that there was too much time to think on things...but yeah a dash of nostalgia did hit....my wedding was the very first time I ever draped a Saree.. .and I swear to God it was so so uncomfortable (not that today is any better though) .....Complete chaos....with people running all around me that day. ....so many people staring at me with photographer's complete focus on us had felt so so odd....I even remember people telling me ....smile. ..you are not smiling enuf....dont spoil the photos...I vaguely remember even S whispering to me on the mandap. ..Don't be nervous. .....and even my dad asking me. ....are you scared.....today I see people posing so nicely for their wedding shoot (should have done that then....anyways I am still so bad at smiling for clicks!!)....wedding had run till 4 am in the morning till I had become a complete zombie....and just like a robot had done what was being told by the pandit and had left after vidayii completely blank with no energy left...not even to cry (I was that blank) !!....I think except for my own wedding I have shed some tears for everyone else's vidayii....really difficult to control if 10 ladies howl around you (yeah... remember now no control on tears!! ) 

Anyways, Weddings as always are great fun....each wedding is an experience in itself....sangeet mehendi( I must say is a task for the bride....and for a mom of a 4 yr old too)  haldi.....no words can describe the enthu levels and the jest for life of certain people.....but. ...minus the amount of effort that goes in wearing all those bright heavy clothes and jewellery and then taking them off...phew!!Yes I am a female and I am just NOT fond of all the dressing up and jewellery !! And yes our kind of species do exist on this Earth....much to some people's dismay!!....may be that's why for my Brother's wedding for one of the occasions...when, immediately after the photographer left I changed into my heavenly home wear.....and entered the arena. ...first there was pin drop silence for at least 30 seconds...may be they took some time to absorb.. ...and then all the ladies of the house fell behind my life....you are the groom's only sister....how can you change. ..And that too into home wear....change back....what will people say. ...they will all look at you. ....How will you go like this for dinner. ....And I had one answer " I am I. ...I don't care.. ..I just can't take it anymore. ...just let me be. ..."people" will look at me and not you. ...So you don't bother"....and my relatives were just aghast. ...Someone came and told in my ear "what about your inlaws" and someone even had gone up to S asking him to convince me. ....when that also didn't change my mind. ...they finally gave up..... on me !!  So, that's our "people".....but of course not that I can repeat that stunt everywhere!! (definitely not.. ...when the wedding is of the other side!!)

But even today, you do get to hear to some stray sentences in weddings like "after the phere the bride is theirs.. .They will take her. ..So they can decide whatever they want to do with her"....."Post vidayii ...we need to take their permission if the bride can come and collect her things"....."Bride's looks".....And so on.....without me really getting into the feminism side here....but still the sentences ....how many years later it may be....still sound a bit in the ears and cannot go completely unheard.......yeah but the reaction then and reaction now does differ!! 

She peered at her reflection in the mirror
And searched for her
Searching hard
She hadn't looked for her in years
But she sometimes did think of her
Or maybe she didnt
But she didn't forget her....or did she
But today she suddenly remembered her
May be even missed her a bit
And decided to look for her
Trying to search for her again....
And somewhere there
Deep down....inside....under....
There she was
She was still there
Smiling
Papa's little princess!!

Black!!!

She wandered blissfully in her solitude
And walked into a store
Her eyes scanning everything on display
But resting on none

The store was teeming with colours
Shades of colours all around
Colours everywhere to see
But her eyes as always chose to see Black

Black was her colour
Why Black.... Why always Black
She never understood why
There was never any logic

She had decided to defy her eyes
She had decided to defy Black
She had decided to avoid Black
She had decided to not repeat Black

She had been picking colours all along
Mostly light
Rarely bright
As bright had always meant Black for her

But Black was Black
Black never went unnoticed
Each time, she picked Black....only to put it back
Thinking she had Enuf of Black
Not Black again

Till she realised
Black wasn't her weakness
But Black defined strength
Black was pure
As Black can never get tainted
Black absorbed everything and all the colours around

She decided to let go
And set her heart free
Let Black captivate her
Let Black own her
As her colour was Black
And will always remain Black
She walked off the store...smiling....
With Black

New Year Wish List - 2019!!

When I was in my teens I used to always fret on 31st Dec eve that why are we not going out for dinner....and my parents would just want to be at home and spend a peaceful close to the year gone by!!

When I was in my twenties and in job I used to order food home.....saying to my parents that OK you don't want to go out but at least let's order good food.....year gone by needs to be bid farewell to with good food atleast!! And I used to tune into the TV channels every year and watch alone (as my parents couldn't keep themselves awake till late) at night 12 'o clock ...all the actors appearing and wishing "Happy New Year!!"....I used to simply love to hear and see that!!

Today in mid thirties,  I don't prefer going out for dinner any more on new year eve.....I don't like getting into the crowd....I like to celebrate the new year eve with just us ......good food means something made by me at home.....I now love decorating a little something to go well with the dinner at home itself...to make it feel special....havent tuned into TV since 4 years now!! .....And I just keep myself awake to wish the nearest and closest people at the strike of 12 and go to sleep immediately after that.....so that I wake up to New Year messages, wishes and replies on my phone!! (And probably now I can understand my parents liking for staying at home on new year's eve now!! )

And now it's a Happy start to the new year when:

• Your little Son hugs you and gives a kiss when the tiny Chinese lights you decorated and his tiny face glow in the dark (when he switches them on) 
• When you are asked to repeat the dish you made for New year eve again
• When you wear something new to office....just for the sake of another new beginning
• When you sneak out of office at 4-30 PM
• When you walk in time for evening Arati to the temple in your society
• When you have a nice long refreshing walk after ages and treat yourself to Tiramassu 
• When you reach home early and surprise your Son
• When you bake your Son's favourite cake and see him eagerly waiting with a spoon for it to cool down so that he can relish on it
• And you just can't get over watching and listening to "The song of the Golden Dragon" by Estas Tonne (shared by S) 

So, now for the wish list (I was calling it bucket list.....but one of my frens was so cross with my usage of the word that I decided to rephrase it!!) ....So here it goes!!

• To experience snow fall
• To get drunk once
• To sit in a hot air balloon
• To go on a cruise
• To go camping with a tent and bonfire like in a forest kinds
• To go on one solo trip all alone all by myself
• To go backpacking in Europe
• To go for the trans Siberian railway tour
• To read read and read (one thing I regret for having stopped) 
• To try my hand at pencil sketching and canvas painting
• To write a book
• To participate in blogging blocks again
• To design interiors of my own house
• To do a degree abroad
• To join a NGO
• To take the count of my close friends in the list to 10
• To learn to forget and forgive
• To learn to do things for sheer happiness without any expectations whatsoever 

As of now,  that's like the wish list....lets see how much of it gets fulfilled in 2019.....!! And for more to get added in the list that gets spilled over.....in the coming years :P!! 

Wake up Sid!!

I have been longing to watch this movie since some time .....and finally this weekend I got the chance to watch it.....again (don't know how many times. ..Lost the count) !! One of my all time favourite movies....every time I have watched the movie .....I have simply loved it!!

Konkana Sen''s character just reminds me of the first time I came to this city ...Mumbai......S had warned me of the harshness of this city....and he was so protective that he even had made me rehearse going to office taking the local train on one of the weekends before my joining into my first job post MBA.

But I still remember that day one....when I had walked down to the station all alone...I had let 2-3 trains pass...scared seeing the crowd....and finally had got into one....When I got down in VT....I just didn't know which way to go...the crowd just had seemed overwhelming.....and like a scared little mice I had just followed the crowd to get out of the station...again lost as to which way to go for office!! And today. ..I just love to roam around the city all alone....without any qualms!!

First day of independence was real scary.....And from that day to today I dont know how and exactly when I fell in love with this city Mumbai....another one of those things which I just didn't realise when it happened!! I may complain....I may be angry with the city for its harshness.....but I know I am in love with it....After all you shower all your anger/complaints on things you love and care about the most....!!

And as the movie at the end says...in your busy schedule you just don't realise who are those special someone's who have helped you develop the connect with as harsh a city as Mumbai....helped you not only adapt to it but also fall in love with it.....just take a moment and reflect and you will find them....maybe right in front of you as well. ..Which u hadn't been realising all along!! 

So for me....if I reflect.....Apart from the obvious spouse factor there have been many friends.....who had been part of the Mumbai journey....and not to forget those who if not physically present here in Mumbai are virtually always there!!

RB and NB the virtual shadows who will always follow....wherever I go, T....the moonh bola brother...who never forgot to get homemade Bhel and Mirchi pickle for me....being a hard core vegetarian had helped me buy fish from the wholesale Colaba fish market....the smell of which can kill even a hard core non-vegetarian, VJ....the over protective fren....who ensured I reached home safe and checked on me whenever S travelled....came hunting for me when I had lost my way once,Sud....my only South Indian connect to my home town.....Who ensured to get that delicious tamarind rice made for me every time his mom visited, NJ and AV...my partners/sisters in crime, AB....salute your illogical patience levels.....had it not been for you guys....!!!You guys are the reason for my love for Mumbai!! 

I wish there was some way to repeat each of the moments spent with you guys....I still remember the pain of parting from each one of you....Life is so strange that only after you part from a close person you realise that person's presence and value. Why can't we just realise the importance when they are right there infront of us....why do we take things for granted....I guess there will never be a logic to this!!

But anyways, good movies,books and music probably are the means to take you back in time and remind you of each and every special person or special moment of your life!! Kudos to Wake up Sid!! Now let me watch Dil Chahta Hai...to relive some Engg memories as well :)!!

A silent prayer!!

As a 7 year old when I had wandered and stepped inside a church for the very first time!! 

Me: (peering into the dark, wondering if I should go inside!! )

Father: Yes, my child....

Me: Can I come inside

Father: Please my child...this church is yours.... You don't need to take permission

Me: Thanks

Father: So, you want to pray for something

Me: I am new in this school.... I don't have frens....As my English is broken...I studied in a town earlier.... Will Jesus help me in making frens

Father: Did you by any chance happen to read the message on the pyre my child

Me: Yes it says " Lord is always with you"

Father: So you made two frens today... One is Lord and second is me... Will you come to visit me Tomm again

And he had taught me how to fold my hands and pray silently....a silent prayer!!

And I had visited the church every single day after that till I left that school when my parents got transferred again. Even today when I visit any church it always reminds me of that very first day.... Of the way I had wandered into that place.. .That fear. . .That inhibition with which I had gone inside . .....And came out with strength!!

I always heard people calling me a Christian because of my name.....I studied throughout in convent schools which strengthened my connection with the religion further........till another Father like doctor one day in a missionary hospital saved my Son.... 

And today, I taught my Son....how to fold his hands and pray silently...a silent prayer!! 

Merry Christmas!!

Year 2018!!

So here we come to the end of another year.....year 2018!!!

As I reflect back on the year that has passed ...it indeed is a year to remember as S and I had met exactly 10 years back .....and 2018 marks a tick on one of the milestones as we continue our journey together!!

Have ticked another big thing off my bucket list of things that need to completed before I die......of my own little home!!

A lot of things which I had just shelved....and which had been catching dust over the years....I have taken a resolution to restart....thanks to S again for his relentless encouragement.....

I got back to writing....something that I have enjoyed since childhood...and now I am able to notice little moments in everyday life again on which I can write on!!

I have even got back to reading.....the greatest strength and morale booster ever!!

Got back to playing music all day long.....and have made my Son also an addict to it :P....the music lover that he is!! 

After ages S and me loved and laughed over a silly movie and fell so much in love with its songs that we decided to watch it all over again!! Although it felt really silly doing it.....as S put it....madness should also be enjoyed as much as silliness...let all of it be a part of our lives....not just the things that make sense all the time!!

After nearly 2 whole years made a new friend....and for the second time till date...I from my side put the efforts ...the introvert that I am....rather than the other way round!!Although, never thought that at this juncture also I have the energy to invest in new people in life!! Felt strangely nice to just invest efforts....distribute some positivity maybe....this time without any expectations...just for the sake of simple happiness!!

Decided to identify and weed out negative things that have/had deep rooted themselves somewhere inside.....successfully have weeded out some for sure....as surprisingly when some things repeated out of the blue the pain didn't come back in entirety....I am glad lot of things have erased from memory on their own....and some that remain hopefully will get erased too....

Learnt to get over few setbacks and imbibe some positivity in life....S has been telling me ....something has changed....u seem to be complaining less and seem more positive in life.....thanks to all the things above that have probably helped imbibe the positivity....which I hope is here to stay ....!!

Welcome year 2019.....for new events and new memories that I look forward to unfold!!

The Knight asked the Princess.....So will you walk along?!

Princess asked....Why should I? What if the path is rough?

Knight said....I will take care!!

What if I give up half way!!

I will take care!!

What if I get tired!!

I will take care!!

What if I just can't make it to the end!!

I will carry you....I will take care. ..We will make it to the end...!!

And the Princess walked along with the Knight... And on the way a sweet little Prince joined their walk!!

PS: Happy 10th Anniversary S :)!!

And thanks to A for the post idea :P!!

Let's Dance!!

As a 3 yr old... Grandpa asked her one day....come let's dance....And she said...but Grandpa I don't know how to dance... Come I will teach you.....but what if I look funny.... Then we will look funny my dear..... and they had danced!!

Last day of school... When everyone called her to dance... She refused saying don't know how to dance!!

In college, her best friend said she would ensure one day she dances....but by the time she got ready to dance....!!

He never bothered to ask her if she danced.....And when he did....She never bothered to answer that she didn't... !!

On graduation.. .She dismayed all by saying she doesn't dance!!

She asked him... Is it OK if I can't dance.. .He said haha it's OK even I don't know how to dance... We will learn together!! 

On post graduation... She just hid.....as she didn't want to reply again... That she doesn't dance!! 

And years later, another 3 yr old asked her "Muma,  come dance!!" and she did dance and always will be glad to do so for him whenever he asks.....!!