Summer Vaccation

Its almost a decade since the word “summer vacation” has sounded so very fascinating to me…since I eagerly waited for the exam bell to ring on the day of the last annual exam paper and school to be declared closed for two whole months…the chaos following the bell all students running all over each other to the arms of their parents waiting outside shouting screaming “summer hols” “summer hols”.And here I am ….as I see the small kids playing in the park infront of our building…putting up charts of paintings all over the building walls..falling over the cycles and skates trying to master the art of cycling and skating…hunting for nook and corners playing hide and seek..in short making the best of their hols I am sitting leisurely watching them …njoying mine :)!Yeah, after a decade I have now got to njoy a month and a half of summer vacation…and summer vacation it is!!A hazzle free life…no getting up in the morning and rushing to office..no submission of project meeting deadlines…no more of those brawls with leads…no more of filling in of your efforts…no more of being so occupied so as to find time for taking a breath in peace.A blissful life.Sleep…eat…watch movies…sleep…read novels..shop..sleep..and njoy doing nothing..njoy the leisure.The concept of spending summer vacation has changed though…and has undergone a transition with passing time …earlier it was like chalking out a plan as to what all fun things you wanted to do this vacation and now its like you are njoying doing nothing :)!!

This feeling of njoying the nothingness is always there when you are in that period of wait..when you know that you are going to venture into a new world in a short while and you are just preparing yourself…giving yourself time…just waiting quietly smiling for the doors to be ajar…and along with it somewhere there is a sinking feeling sometimes… hope you will be able to manage everything on your own…hope you will not fall short for anything and will stand upto ur expectations..and then there is always the excitement around to engulf you in as you are stepping out of your current world. Life is so strange really…sometimes you want to just fast forward life and see ahead what is in store for you..is it just going to continue the way it is…what are you heading to and sometimes you just know where your life is going..where its taking you..and you just wait with that smile of certainty …waiting to discover another set of things that life’s got in store.

The same kind of feeling that I had felt when I was leaving home for the first time while going for my engineering…the same excitement and the same nervousness and again the same reassuring smile from my mother and hug from my father as they were seeing me off at the station :)

On my last working day

Hi one and all,

After spending over two and half years here in the ODC and experiencing, learning, growing , falling and exploring new relations and circumstances bidding an adieu sure does feel a little overwhelming.

It would definitely remain a memorable time that I got to spend with you all here. And as I welcome this change to explore another new field ,by pursuing higher studies in MBA ,I hope the learning that I have imbibed here grows and moulds further . Hope I carry forward the wisdom gained and the acquaintances and friends along as well.

Wishing one and all the very best for their future endeavours. Adieu till our paths cross again.

Regards,

Start of Another CountDown :)!

A countdown to begin…
In just about a week’s time all the known faces will fade away to the dimly lit memory lanes…some of them will remain as memories and some in reality in contact…another list of incidents added and stacked away to be remembered and cherished as time progresses. Nostalgic wouldn’t really be the right word to use…. I know I am not but then I can’t even say this that I will not miss my system which has befriended me the last two and half years of my stay here…the hot cup of choco almond which has always been there to help me rejuvenate my spirits…the lunch time gossiping and leg-pulling always there to bring a smile on whenever remembered…the sudden announcements of pani puri treats where you realize you are the one who’s got to treat after happily having had your share of the delicacy…and the taste (both bitter and sweet) of professionalism….those few leads under whom you had worked and really admired their dedication…and those that you didn’t…bouts of unprofessional out-bursts in the team…chocolates and sweets distribution…team-outings…gossips…cribbings…the list of songs playing on your winamp which keep assuring you that they can just pull you out of anything and everything just that you need to put on your ear phones …..and there goes an unending list.
But above all there is one huge learning that any profession gives you and which no degree can ever teach and that is people management….dealing with various kinds of people is one thing that you just can’t get to learn in any institute.The wisdom of taking all kinds of people in your stride is one talent that I guess cannot be mastered in a short time. Its infact a continuous learning process that keeps growing as the years of experience keep accumulating. Its really interesting to observe the various ways in people take up their responsibilities…the different ways they tackle their tasks…and the most appreciable among them are those who work in a planned way and in the most organized manner.And its truly said the true nature of a person can be perceived only by observing how the person handles high-pressure situations. Different people handle pressure in different ways…and keeping your composure under pressure is one art that every individual tries his best to learn I guess.People who have already mastered this art really deserve an accolade.And when you get to work under such a supervisor or module lead you got to call yourself the luckiest of the whole lot.And the third learning would be balancing work and home and friends. A perfect balance maintained between your personal and professional life a virtue which needs conscious effort from your end.Three learnings that your profession strives to teach you.Hope these learnings go a long way and are moulded and groomed further in the coming days.
One interesting question that I was posed a few days back was…what is the need for you to take up a job or go for higher studies??You can happily relax at home and njoy isn’t it??Somehow I have never understood till date what my answer to such questions should be.I usually answer saying “Good suggestion…Thanks”.But I just wonder if I start thinking on those lines then what was the need for me to study either…could have happily sat and njoyed my childhood at home isn’t it…why be literate also!!Thankfully, not everyone thinks that way otherwise half the population would be illiterate today.Had it been not for my profession I would have had no identity of my own…no learnings and wisdom would have been driven home…I would have been just another being cocooned in a closed world unaware of what an independent identity means…how does the sense of achievement feel. Anyways, whatever it is…different people have different perceptions.And questions like these just cannot be answered.
So now that I have witnessed the taste of having a unique identity and have njoyed my short term professional life I will really miss a few cherished moments that I have been fortunate to experience in this place.But that is life isn’t it…as long as you have all the pleasure of being in the moment you don’t realize it…and the realization dawns only when you leave those moments behind you and advance to explore new events of your life…and then you can only look back and think about the moments that have passed and just smile quietly to yourself till the next countdown starts ticking away :)!

So this was it!

There are these times when you actually feel that you are a mere spectator and life has taken complete control over itself…the reigns of life have slipped out of your hands and your role is to just see it …as it is going …with a broad smile..gazing at the way it makes its way through… curving here…turning there..and gliding through, past all obstacles..above all hindrances….proceeding ,accomplishing…and breaking thru.Yeah, that’s how I exactly feel now when I am being asked “oh are you going for higher studies”…”Got thru MBA is it??”..”It had always been your aspiration right”…”All the best.Good to hear you made it”.And I can just smile but do anything when people ask me “So, happy now…must be feeling on top of world right??”.
I am really not sure if I am feeling that way.MBA …pursuing and aspiring for it had been an amazing process….I had taken the decision over night just because I thot I wanted something on hand to keep me occupied…to struggle for …and MBA entrance exams had been my choice…. not sure when my over-night decision grew into a career decision and a reason for perseverance and a yearning to do an MBA.Giving up…breaking down…getting up and trying again…squeezing out time off the schedule became a regular habit.And in this whole process pain of not making it or failure became insignificant so much so that making it thru or not also has started seeming insignificant somehow…
Just like I have mentioned in the beginning of the post …all through out your journey of perseverance you try to hold on infact cling on to the reigns of your life in your hands and try hard to keep it on track and in the process you are bruised badly, you are hurt, you fall, rise, experience the worst and finally when you stop bothering about whether the bruises pain any longer or not….whether you bother any longer if you are clinging onto the reigns or not, that’s when life just takes on itself the control and you can do nothing but watch smiling and thinking so this was it…was it!! :)
So XIMB it will be then…the place where I would pursue my MBA dream…another new beginning.Another hostel room all set to welcome me and become my home for the next two years.Another set of strangers waiting to become acquaintance and then convert to friends.In another two months I would be on a new campus ….which is awaiting to unfold a series of tests,assignments,lectures,presentatitons,friends,night-outs,treats,b-day bumps,grades,vacations,projects….all to be re-lived again.Hope I make the best of it.Hope I stand to its expectations of me….especially since this time pursuing this degree would not just mean me just acquiring my dream of a Post Graduation but a lot more added to it….a lot other things that have gone hand in hand with it…a lot of support and sacrifice to which I need to stand up for…hope all that has started off well will end well one day me standing up for everything… and me posting on that one day just like today…so this was it :)!

Dreams Galore

Feet deep rooted to the ground and imaginations flying high
Thousands of dreams from nowhere shadowing your thoughts
Overwhelming to see how intricately woven they could be
A shade of apprehension
Diversified and mixed colours as colourful as the rainbow
Foggy mornings…dew drops…
whip of wind carrying light drops of rain
A few words far and between
A light melodious tune playing far away
Falling snow
And a light smile at the end …

Strange!!

Yeah, ‘Strange’ that is the word that I can use rightly I guess. Unexpectedly strange it was…..that is all I can say. An exam for which I left all my onsite opportunities…all my weekend’s leisure and fun…all my night’s cosy sleep..all the recent movies…Life had just been working non-stop during the day just to meet the targets ensuring that I get to reach home atleast an hr early to prepare. And finally yesterday when I was standing there waiting for my turn of the interview call I had a strange feeling…I just wanted to run away from that place. I didn’t want to be questioned as to why I want to go for an MBA…what do I plan doing…Why aspiring to start an Industry and in what sector…What my hobbies were…what I like to read…what specialization am I looking for…why joined IT industry…what was the meaning of my name….what my strengths and weaknesses were etc etc. I just didn’t want to answer any of those questions anymore. I just didn’t want to find reasons and give a concocted answer to all those questions that are asked time and again in these MBA interviews.
A simple answer that I have…its always been my ambition and a dream of mine to go for higher studies in India…MBA interested me among the limited options of higher studies present here and that’s why I want to go for it. Plain and simple… just to fulfil my ambition…not for money…not for a career change…not to become an entrepreneur or a CEO of any organization…not to see my photo on the front cover of any business magazine….just want to be a post graduate for my own satisfaction to fulfil my own dream that’s it…now will you give me a seat !!And the answer would be ‘No’ ofcourse…why?? Because that is a very plain answer…nothing great about the answer…its not concocted and distorted as per everyone’s expectations…the answer has to sound more promising …more substantial…with some added masala (salt and pepper would do it even better).I want to become an entrepreneur…. 5 on 5 points…I wish to do some value add to the society by starting an industry of my own keeping social good in mind …wow cent percent!!
What if I say I don’t have such sky high dreams…want to lead a simple life with none of these added on frills…I might even decide to become a home-maker if I feel my ambitions are coming in the way of my family and go for social service in my leisure …and for sure my name will be crossed right then on their list of calls. What is the need to go for an MBA then would be the following question maybe…and what can I say?? Should I say do you think all those people passing out from an MBA college are actually serving the society …is everyone really thinking of social good…and How many are staying back in India first of all…..and how many of them are going to become entrepreneurs!! Why can’t someone pursue MBA out of sheer interest…not looking for a concrete outcome as such out of the degree…and put the knowledge gained to some good use as and how the time progresses…not necessarily becoming an entrepreneur/CEO or starting up an industry of your own or earning a huge package.
All of a sudden I seem to have given up on these interviews…or is it on myself…I am not sure. I want to be away from these added on frills and put-up answers…I don’t feel like stretching my imaginations beyond myself to find an answer to all those questions and framing convincing answers…I do not want to sound honest when in actual I am not. May be MBA is not my cup of tea anymore. I am not able to place myself in a put-up world. I am just finding it ‘Strange’….a ‘Strange’ world it is the world of business…everything framed and put in a golden frame for outside people to be lured by the magnificence and one single honest and simple answer will be a bland black mark in the golden frame. But , although we all know the stark truth behind it we all are still trying hard to pursue it…frame more and more convincing answers and step into the world of frills and fancies…into the golden frame…….we are ready to make all sacrifices to be a part of it .And what more can I say than saying that its really ‘Strange’. And I am sure one year down the line I will again be preparing, I will again be sitting in some interview hall waiting for my turn and again I will probably be feeling weird and strange just the same way.

Malgudi Days - Relived

Its been going so busy over the past few weeks that I have been hardly finding time to sit back and take a breath in peace.Days are just flying past without me realizing or acknowledging them I guess.And last weekend just before going to sleep I realized that in this busy schedule of mine I have not even been opening my bedroom window before dropping off to sleep.And when finally the window panes were ajar the cold gush of wind on my face made me just stand by near the window for a few minutes….feeling the cool breeze.The wind felt so very refreshing that u couldn’t just help but stand still there taking in the freshness along….being carried away along with the breeze.And in that lost state my glance fell on the slum area that is directly visible from my bedroom window.

Somehow whenever I look at those small huts and houses present in that slum I always get reminded of the serial “Malgudi days”.The most amazing thing about the people in that slum is that they are always in the mood of celebration.All round the year you see them organizing some or the other event in their place and you can hear the music and laughter in the air.Every evening they make sure that loud music is played and all the little kids of the slums are called and made to dance.The whole crowd of grown ups sit around the kids and encourage the kids with claps and cheer them.You can make out the pride in the little kids eyes for entertaining their folks and for the admiration that they are gaining in return for their performance.And when there is a festival the grown-ups are also not spared.Everyone of them is forced to perform and the kids do the cheering this time…it’s the kids turn now :)!Its so good to see the whole fun-filled group up from the Bedroom window.And every morning is greeted with hymns from the small little temple in the slum and you can see everyone right from a small kid to the elders offering their morning bows in the temple.

I wonder when I last made it to the nearby temple early in the morning.I wonder when did our society here last have an unplanned celebration or a get-together.I somehow feel we are all in such a hurry always that there is absolutely no time and importance given to such simple events in life that can add some cheer to it ….hurry to reach office…the honking vehicles that blare into ur ears right in the morning just like those morning hyms from the temple…hurry to meet deadlines set in task deliverables…to be noticed in the team and get a good appraisal….hurry to make a point in the group meetings and make ur presence noticed….hurry to catch up with an onsite assignment and make a few extra bucks and add a few extra stars to ur resume…hurry to make a seat in an MBA college to make a bigger job which is again directly proportional with the pay-package ..so the quicker the seat is grabbed the better….hurry to be among the first few in the queue to be served for lunch in order to get a little extra of the fries and sweet dish for the same pay……hurry to play ur way thru to reach the top of the career ladder quickly…..hurry to find a shorter route to success…hurry to catch the first bus home….and finally hurry to get back home and catch few extra hrs of sleep again with the blaring horns standing testimonial to it.A hurried world that we all live in everyday.Why we are all in so much hurry I do not know….why does patience have to take a back step….why everything in our world needs to be achieved in such a hurry who knows….probably that’s why even happiness and peace also gives us a hurried visit most of the times and goes away before we can realize!!

Sometimes I really wonder is it a different world down there in that slum.Malgudi days in its reality may be!!That short stories serial which used to be telecasted long ago on television…the small cheerful dream-town of Malgudi with its cheerful bunch of people celebrating every moment of life together in a different world altogether…..far from the busy schedule…far from the grim faces that u see everyday at work place…far from all work place related complicated politics….far from the complicated thot processes of people who have failed to realize simplicity and value it in the truest sense ages back…far from all the hurry and everything.A crowded little town with ultra simple people residing in it with absolute peace and cheer in the air living each and every moment of life in the simplest way possible miles away from the hurried busy world of the city .The slum and the people in the slum that I see from the window of my bedroom remind me of that serial always and how much I envy them. Long live their cheer and happiness which is so contagious that it will always bring a smile on all those faces who are viewing them from their bedroom windows.And thanks to them for making me realize that a little time off from the hurried schedule can feel so very fulfilling.

Yet another Valentine’s day :)!!

So, yet another Valentine’s day it is. And today I don’t know why I got reminded of the way we used to celebrate Valentine’s day in college. It was not just any other day as it has become over the years for all those poor mortals like us deeply involved with our all time valentine that is work :P :)!!But yeah, when I now look back at the way Valentine’s day used to be celebrated in college it brings back a lot of memories….it was definitely not just another day…It never mattered to us as to who really had a valentine and who did not among us we nevertheless made sure we make the day special for ourselves. Apart from the tiny little gifts (not exceeding Rs 50 in price) that we used to buy for each other and make sure that every single person in the hostel wing is bestowed with the precious little gifts although it meant almost crashing the room doors if the poor girl has gone to sleep on Feb 13th midnight…there used to be a lot of enthusiasm in the air…or do I call love in the air :P…yeah, I could just that the love was for the tiny miny gifts :))!!We made sure that each of us were dressed in something close to red on that day…close to because not many of us had red dresses and the rules were such that even a thread of red in ur dress would do :)!!And not to forget about the wonderfully planned pranks that we used to play on each other….we would carefully order for a pink rose targeting the most innocent and gullible mortal among us as the victim and plant the rose on the poor soul’s door…the rest of the events that followed this does not need a description…its obvious that the poor soul would be tormented till she is close to freaking out and that’s when the actual truth would come out followed by a thunderous guffaw :)!! And there were even a few of us who used to buy gifts for themselves , wrap it up with a nice beautiful gift wrapper and open it at dot 12 ‘o clock and celebrate th day…no matter how crazy it sounds but it had its own excitement :)!!And ofcourse a good dinner in those five star dhabas always topped it all.
And now those sweet little celebrations seem to have gone by long long ago covered with layers of responsibilities and priorities…but even then they do lie somewhere back in the mind and surface on these special days called “Valentine’s Day” :)!!I have heard many a people referring to such days as waste of time…for that matter few people don’t even give much relevance to b’day celebrations and other such special occasions…they are even referred to girly stuff sometimes.But girly stuff or not all such days do hold some relevance and the significance is that they never fail to bring up a nice wide smile keeping up their relevance and speciallity.So, inspite of the grim an serious faces around typing away in fury on the keyboard….inspite of the horror of the approaching deadlines of code-submissions…inspite of everything the day 14th Feb whenever you see this date on the calendar it does bring back all the dust laden memories back.And you don’t feel like its just a ‘Yet another Valentine’s Day’ is it ??!! :) Wishing a very special Valentine’s Day to one and all :)!!

Stars in the Night Sky

When I was a kid I used to look at the stars in the sky and try making out the outline of various constellations out of them!!Somehow I always used to feel that those twinkling and glittering stars were the passage to reach out to God…a silly thought I know ….but as a kid you always have the liberty to imagine and believe all sorts of weird things. Staring at the star studded night sky had always been captivating…but over the years probably the thoughts have gradually out grown the innocence to more logical thinking…logical if it can be called…although anyday I would rate the innocence above the logical thoughts :).But today, when I again look at the night - star studded sky…. I feel carried away …and lost in a different world …as if someone is holding my hand and asking me to leave behind all my present and tread into a different world altogether…with the assurance of fresher and more promising dreams…with the assurance of a life more beautiful and fulfilling…with the assurance of everlasting happiness. I again feel bound by the same innocence as I used to feel when I was a kid…I again have started to believe probably the stars are indeed the passage way to God…and had carried my messages to him all these years. I can feel the stars smiling down at me from the night sky and asking me…any more messages to be passed my dear….we are all there listening to you all the time:)!!

Year 2007 to a close :)!!

Last few days have been pretty eventful with our account at work place being decorated with colourful ribbons and balloons and Christmas trees, sparkling stars and not to miss the snow clad Santa put up right at the reception. And who can ever make out that the smiling and greeting Santa at the reception is actually made out of a dustbin placed upside down and clad with paper and cotton. And there sits the Christmas tree right infront of the doorway beautifully decorated with colourful papers and tiny gift wrapped boxes and tiny little bells with bits of cotton depicting snow making it look all the more beautiful. So, that’s what people in the account have been doing effectively from the past few days…and I must say they have done a real good job…it feels so nice and cheerful walking down the floor with all the glitter around. Not to miss on those momentary blasts of the balloons right over the top of ur head while you are deep into your system :))!!Probably, the decorations in our account will remain till the New year’s eve…so we cannot escape witnessing each of those balloons bid a pompous farewell to all of us with a blast :)!!
And this new year I have gifted myself with three nice novels..”The Kite Runner”,”Snow” by Orhan Pamuk and “Devil wears Prada”.It feels so nice to see the neatly bounded books, with the smell of freshness that the newly bought books typically have around them…waiting to be devoured and re-discovered.I am still unable to decide which one to start with !!Someone at the office asked me if she could borrow one of them for me till I am done with the other two and I had to refuse.I don’t know why but I just can’t bring myself to lend unread books to people even if I am not reading them at that point. I got to read the book first before I lend it to someone.I know it sounds a bit strange but then I feel that every book that I lend I must be the first one to get acquainted with it before I let someone else to do so…afterall I am the owner…I need to own it in the true sense first.Well a few strange things that u do cannot really have a logical answer to them…u just like to do it in that way that’s it :)!
So, my new year seems to have already begun…with three new novels to go and what with celebrations and decorations all around the place..As for resolutions, well I have decided to get back to my reading…read more books and strengthen my hobby. Its been long since I actually sat back and done some reading for pleasure and its high time I get back to it.

2007 finally coming to a close…
some years when they end you just can’t believe that the year has already come to a close…they seem to just go so fast
Some years are very special…you remember them because some significant things of ur life happen in those years…
Some years you just don’t recollect bcoz u just never happen to look back at them….they seem to have no significance absolutely
But this year hadn’t been any of those…Although, I am sure this year will definitely stay as a remembrance…not only because I lost someone so dear to me but also because it had driven in a lot more learning and wisdom home where I understood that I had gone ahead one step more in being more matured and understanding life a little more than before. It had been a special year …special in its own way…and special enough to be looked back upon and smiled at :).

Yet , Once again

Another year coming to a close
A year that had started off with few new aspirations and hopes
Although a few ambitions remained unfulfilled……but the learning will be there
A few achievements that had come my way
Bringing along a few smiles and a few celebrations
A few moments of silence that were there….. experiencing the stillness of death
Few new people that I met and learnt from
A few old relations that strengthened further by a year
A few days when life had paused and again had picked up pace
A few bumps and pitfalls that drove in some lessons home
Sunlit days and cold winters
A year that hadn’t been all that smooth but it did have its share of smiles and pauses
And yet, once again
A new year will unfold in another fortnight
With loads of wishes and celebrations
Bringing home new hopes and promises
I will look forward to it once again……. as each day of the New Year unfolds
Greeting it with new dreams and anticipations
And when I look back at this year
Yet, once again a smile will spread laden with unblemished memories

The Five People You Meet In Heaven

I always thought that my writing about a particular novel that I liked reading wouldn’t do justice in actually being able to put it in words the way it captivated me and influenced me.But there is this one book that I had read way back which I keep thinking of very often. Everytime I hear anybody crib about how much they hate their present day or whenever I get frustrated with the way things are going on a particular day I remember this book and it surely helps by providing me immense solace. The book is ‘Five People You Meet in Heaven’ by Albom Mitch.I will not really get into details of the book here bcoz if I do I will seriously feel guilty for not doing justice to the book so well written by the author that it actually has an impact on the way you perceive things in life.This book talks about a person who after his death realises the true place where he belonged to ….the place which he had always hated to be in while he was living turns out to be the place where he decides to live till eternity.A beautiful book which goes into describing every minute details and learnings that can be achieved from all the different phases of life and puts across a subtle message….tht we really need to realize and appreciate what we possess in our lives.
Really, I wonder if we all assume that we have a choice and ask ourselves tht which phase of our lives would we choose as our final destination to stay for eternity….we might just end up deciding on the phase of life which we thot we had hated the most. Life is really strange isn’t it…as long as we have something we crave for what has passed.We long to go back to it and when we go back to it we again long for what we had possessed. Very rarely do we actually appreciate and enjoy doing what we possess currently.And why is it that we all look for an escape from what we have…there have been innumerable times when I have heard myself and others looking for an escape from the professional life we are leading….isn’t it the same profession we were longing for when we were in college.I think it’s a vicious circle. The book clearly outlines this fact….it makes u realize tht u actually unknowingly love doing what u think u want to escape from.
There is another book of Albom Mitch that I had loved reading “Tuesday’s with Morrie”.Another wonderful book unfolding many a subtle lessons and binding truths of life.These books are the ones that leave u thinking and ur thots lingering in and around them after u read them.They leave you with a complete new perspective towards life.And any amount of writing and appreciation just cannot put forth the pleasure and the learning that is derived by reading these books.I think I will buy a copy of each of these books and treasure them forever.

Sometimes.....

Sometimes you just love the way it is
You love the way things are going
You just live in the moment….. living in the present
You don’t bother about what has passed…what the future has in store

Sometime you just love the way you are
You just enjoy being your crazy self
You don’t look for any changes
You don’t look for any acquaintance..just want to keep to urself

Sometimes you just don’t find the logic behind certain things
You don’t understand if you wanted them to happen or you didn’t
You wish you were equally immune to them as they are to you
Yet, you smile when you understand life cannot be questioned

Sometimes you feel like a loser
You feel lost for absolutely no reason
You just don’t find the strength to fight thru the odds…u question as to why me
Yet again you thank God for giving you so much already

Sometimes you just don’t want any changes
You want the things to continue as they are
You fall in love with the routine
You want to pause time or just be in that routine njoying it the way it is

Sometimes you just want to keep smiling without any reason
You just smile to urself …just like that..simply… for no reason
Yet sometimes, you just want to let the tears roll down without wiping them away
You just smile thru ur tears…wondering as to where did the tears come frm in the first place

Sometimes you just begin to hope with the begin of every new day
You wait for every sun rise…bringing in new hopes and dreams
You do not want the dusk to set in and bring the day to a close
Yet you njoy the silence of the night and do not want the dawn to break thru

….....

Going back to Teens…

A Sunday tht started off with me over-sleeping and missing my mock exam…as usual :).Afterall winters are meant for sleeping well…. aren’t they… and who on earth is so courageous to break out of that cosy slumber under the blanket and go to write a boring mock….yes, it really needs a whole lot of courage to do that believe me!!Buy anyways, what was special about this weekend was that for a change I got down to do some girly girly stuff…yeah, it somehow took me back to those 17-18 years old teenage students when we used to get down to such stupidity….well, the gist of what had happened follows.
After a long long time my best fren and me decided to go for an outing together…we went together for lunch and it took us just abt 5 min to decide on a restaurant…afterall it was not the food that we were interested in!!We stepped into a veg restaurant and were happy that there was lunch buffet there on a weekend…which saved us from shelling out a few extra bucks.We went around tasting every food item that we could lay our hands on….finally the waiter out of desperation got the finger bowls and the cheque giving us a sign that u might just be thrown out if u don’t leave. We didn’t miss that smile and nod of the waiter at the payment counter while leaving though. :D!!
Then we decided to do some window shopping just for some time pass…my fren had to buy a perfume to gift someone and we literally brought the whole store down trying out all those perfumes put up there….poor person at that perfumes counter had no other go but join us in our stupidity…he too after a while started having fun with the perfumes along with us.We had an awesome time trying out each and every perfume…reviving our sense of smell with those coffee beans and again loosing it :D!!Finally, with all that racquet that we were creating there a lady from the Revlon store came to us for helping us out with our perfume buying spree and then called us to her store for showing some stuff around….
And that was one of the biggest mistakes that she made…!!She showed us all the lotions and all the Revlon make-up stuff that she had with her and we went on with our interrogation as to which lotion wud come to what use…with genuine curiosity on our faces.Finally, when the lady offered to try out some experimentation on us with her make-up stuff we decided it was high time we make a move.But before we could draw-back ourseleves we were there sitting and getting free make-up done.Now we prepared ourseleves mentally for the inevitable….we told the lady with all the innocence that we could gather that we were sorry we really don’t intend going for all that stuff.Initially that lady was taken aback…then we told her “ma’am do we look from any angle that we spend time on all this stuff…” we gave her a detailed explanation of our schedule and tastes and succeeded in getting her into a hearty laugh.Finally she ended up giving us small pouches as gifts although we got away without buying anything from her outlet :)!!
The whole episode just reminded me of the fun we used to have with those cranky shopkeepers in our college campus.If anyone of us had been troubled by any of those shopkeepers there we would gang up and go the next day and see to that we irritate him to such an extent that he ends up apologizing to the person whom he had troubled the previous day.We even used to go for window shopping to these make-up stores for time pass and drive those shopkeepers crazy….It just took me back to that teenage girly stuff that we used to enjoy doing at college especially on the days when an exam used to go flop.It just proves that we can still go back to our good old days of being as childish as we wish to be and have fun….forgetting and keeping aside all the grown-up stuff of our worlds.It just feels awesome to do all those stupidities and crazy stuff going back 6-7 yrs…leading a carefree life….just not caring as to what the world thinks of u.I guess sometimes u just need to leave things where they are and just go back a few steps and enjoy the childishness in you….it just gives u an wonderful feeling at the end of it!!

A few Quotes....

“Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet”

"The promise of the rainbow is found, not in the cloud free days, but in the storm"

“Being happy does not always mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.”

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years"

Absolute Bliss!!

 A light drizzle drenching you while taking a casual stroll back home
 A nice long mail from a good old friend in ur inbox
 A message on ur b’day frm ur teacher saying “U never call me, u never mail me but I ll still call u and still mail u bcoz its ur b’day today and u r very special to me”
 Returning back home after a foul day at work to find ur mom having cooked for u ur favourite dish
 Watching ur favourite movie or reading an interesting novel till late in the night
 Getting up on a morning and just feeling light and happy for no reason absolutely
 Giggling away childishly with frens and making the PMs and module leads pop up their heads from their cubicles
 Receiving a missed call or receiving an SMS from an old friend just when u r feeling down and out
 A hectic and an over-occupied day when u just regain sense at the end of the day while bidding a tired gudnite to ur pillow in the night
 Irritating ur sibling and putting up a fight with him for the weirdest of reasons
 A mail in ur inbox saying “Just be as stupid and as crazy as u are always” with a bunch of flowers
 Celebrating ur b’day at home relishing home-cooked food that ur mom prepares for u keeping ur taste in mind and ending the eve watching a comedy movie with ur family
 Taking all the pains to buy a secret gift for ur brother only to discover that he had already discovered it and u getting the kela in return
 Sipping coffee and just staring at the system with the ear-phones on…and just being lost in ur own world day-dreaming
 Studying for exams and ending up seeing stars the next day in the exam hall with the rest of the lot
 Sneaking to the living room with ur brother after ur parents have gone to sleep to watch Harry Potter till late in the night
 Bunking office just because u cudn’t get up in the morning
 A cozy warm sleep in a huge blanket on a cold winter night knowing that it’s a holiday next day and u don’t have to get up early for office next day
 lying on bed and listening to FM…playing ur favourite songs…till 4 AM in the morning
 A re-union of good old college-mates reviving all the good old memories
 Having a full bar of dairy milk after a bad day to just cheer urself up
 Playing ludo with ur family on a Sunday afternoon and fighting over who should win and who should lose
 Getting stuck in the traffic jam while returning home from office and sitting there simply observing the world around you
 Lighting a whole lot of diyas and lighting up the whole home celebrating Diwali
 Reaching temple just in time for the Aarti and hearing to the ringing of those bells echoing sounding and re-sounding in your mind
 Having pani puri with frens from the street vendor and lying abt it at home
 Acting as if u r engrossed in a complicated analysis but actually reading a novel at work place
 Listening to the same song over and over again on ur playlist till the song keeps ringing in ur head even when u take off the ear phones

And just sitting solitarily smiling quietly to urself for absolutely no reason at all remembering and enjoying these blissful moments…just as I am doing now:)!!

Crazy...but I like it that way :)!!

A day starting right at 8 ‘o clock in the morning in a hurried rush to sneak into office before ur supervisor gets in. After an hour long of hustle bustle on the busy road you reach office just to see ur supervisor walking right infront of you taking the lift (God!! who is that person who created lifts…din’t he have any supervisor at his work place…and why don’t supervisors consider taking stairs a healthy exercise in the morning!!) So, u barge into ur cubicle taking the stairs (two at a time…do I have a chance in marathon races!!) and make it just before u can see his head pop up near the door of the floor.You then open ur mailbox (the first thing to do every morning) hoping that some friend of urs might have regained his/her memory and might have mistakenly dropped a mail to u….afterall life is full of surprises…and who on Earth will not appreciate a sweet surprise popping its head in ur mailbox.You outlook shows that there are 12 mails to be downloaded and u r hoping against hope that atleast one is interesting out of them.You leave the outlook to take its own time in downloading the 12 mails and meanwhile decide to fill up ur water bottle and catch up with a cup of coffee (to enjoy it later with ur sweet little friend….the monitor of ur computer)…and isn’t that called effective utilization of time…why don’t managers take Knowledge transfer sessions on this from us I really wonder.You come back to ur place to only see that there were around 5 group announcements (Seriously HR needs to be given some work in life…they are really bored in lives I guess) and 7 official mails….comments on the document u submitted the previous day, new requirement analysis to be carried out, a presentation to be prepared and blah blah blah including a request for helping in some technical stuff in another project and there starts ur day (Wait did I say the day started at 8 in the morning!!).The next few hrs go in figuring out which task has to be given the first priority….unable to decide u start off with the first mail’s tasks.
A lot of running around…hunting for related documents…hunting for some help on Google (the life saviour!!)….feeling lost in those never ending PL/SQL procedures.Trying to reason out things (as well reason out from where on earth did ur mind learn to find reason out of ambiguity…above expectations really)…and get lost completely in documenting…fight over the comments given for ur analysis…tele conferences with onsite…never ending requirement discussions (and I used to think I wasn’t capable talking for a long time on phones).Discuss and fight with people of whom u know only the name and probably the voice.And your module lead coming over asking as to when can u deliver the documents…will it be possible by the end of the day (EOD and what’s that).A mail popping up in ur inbox ‘Look into this and revert ASAP’.You don’t realise when you have thrust down some food ….u don’t realise how many cups of coffee have accumulated at ur desk.U don’t realise for how long ur mobile has been ringing and has stopped cursing u for not paying even a pence worth attention to it.And finally after all work is done (that is when you decide that its been enough for the day) you look at the time and see its past nine in the night.U have 3 missed calls from home and u have 30 odd mails in ur inbox unchecked.U have no energy to check them now…u just leave them as it is and decide to get back home.Another one hr of entertaining urself with the songs playing on ur FM in ur mobile among the buzzing noise of the traffic and the blaring honks.And ur temporary loss of memory that u underwent comes back to u (Did I just curse my frens for being affected with memory loss!!)…oh it was my best fren’s b’day today!!Oops I had to stop by that shop and buy a jam bottle for mom…God!! I had to apply for reimbursement of my bills..wasn’t today the last date!!...and what abt the phone bill…100 rs extra for that now!!Oh no had to reply to my cousin’s mail……Groan why do I have such a short memory!!A few curses go there on urself then get back home …eat and sleep…not interested in sitting infront of another screen…TV..(yeah I know my fren u alone are my best friend…destined to be committed to u forever….u needn’t feel insecure….ll never replace u with anyone else. ..my monitor)…no patience to read any books…no patience to listen or talk to anyone at home.Open ur CAT material…solve a few sums and then give up…no strength!!And absolutely no time to think…no time to think what u r doing..what u need to do…no time to think of a break….no time to think of all that’s going on around u…of all that’s happening or future happenings…where ur life is going …..no time for urself.

That’s been my schedule for the past few days and I don’t know why but I like it…I like it that way.I like to be occupied to the brim…such that a little more will only spill out.I am not looking for a break…I am looking forward to be more and more occupied…such that at the end of the day I just have time to give my pillow a tired smile and bade it a sleepy farewell with another tired yawn.There was this dialogue in some movie which went like..”what personal life…my professional life is my personal life”…yeah my professional life has become my personal life and I am loving it that way !!Yeah, may be at times u just want to be over occupied in life as much as u can be and do not want time for urself ….I want it that way.Crazy am I not!!Well, I accept :)!

A Castle in the Air

She opened her eyes and found herself in an unknown land. She looked around with a bewildered look on her face…where was she…what place was this??How did she get here??She longed to go back to the comfort of her home…to the place that she belonged to.She was scared.She wanted to run away. She looked around her for help….and her glance just then fell on the surroundings…and she was struck….. spellbound.
Was it a land of fairies….yeah, it must be a land of fairies…There were colourful daisies all around.The fragrance of roses filled the air. A light shower was wetting her hair…falling down her shoulders. The greenery of the nature mesmerized her. The gurgling sound of the waterfall beside her added melody to the enchanting atmosphere. She felt like dancing….she felt like chirping away with the birds ….singing along with the humming bees. She wanted to remain lost and captivated there….she was enjoying her solitude…the bliss around her. She thought “How I wish all my loved ones were here…How I wish we had set up our home here…my brother and I could have wandered around the whole day enjoying the beauty of this land….life would have been an absolute bliss in this serene atmosphere. We could have enjoyed playing hide and seek in the fields yonder filled with gay sunflowers…why didn’t they come along…where were they??” She had heard her mother describe her of this land…her mother had promised that it would be a land of roses…her father had said that he wanted her to visit the land and experience the merriment that was in store for her there. They had assured her and soothed all her apprehensions….they had said that she just had to put forward her foot and she would be carried away lovingly to the arms of the surreal world that they were describing to her and she will be taken care of.So, this was the land that they were speaking of then….so surreal it had seemed then…and now it was there infront of her eyes real and filled with life. Why had she ever been so apprehensive to come here…how foolish she was….
She played in the rain like a child….she splashed away in the brook like a kid. She trampled along running after butterflies…she went back to her childhood. She just wandered around trying to take in all the beauty with her…capturing every single moment in her memory…She could suddenly sight a glimpse of a castle far away in the midst of the trees….conspicuously hidden in the back-ground. She sprinted towards the castle with her heart beating fast…she thought to herself…is this the place where I should stay…stay maybe forever. And there stood the castle …standing tall amongst the greenery that only glorified it all the more. But there was a strange thing that she noticed…the castle was not on the ground but was swaying in mid-air…..she was awestruck ….wow a castle in the air.How could that happen….it was surely a dream. Dusk had started to fall outside….tiny stars had started to glisten in the sky above. The walls of the castle glinted like diamond in the dim light….she could not wait to discover the interiors of the castle…she groped around with baited breath for an entrance to the castle and after a few minutes of impatient search she finally discovered the entrance.The entrance to the castle was a door carved in it ..which almost camouflaged with the walls of the castle….There were tiny diamond shaped stones studded along the rim of the door which alone differentiated it from the walls of the castle.She pushed the door open and stepped into the castle..... The floor of the castle was laid with velvet carpet and almost melted under her feet…the roof appeared as if it was ornamented with brightly lit chandeliers all over….Tall curtains adorned the walls…and artistic sculptors and intricately carved furniture filled the space….giving altogether a magnificent feeling.
She then looked at the roof of the castle completely enthralled by the beauty and unable to take her eyes off the surroundings ….and her heart almost skipped a beat.The roof of the castle seemed to be falling down with alarming speed right on her….for a second she stood there her feet rooted to the castle floor unable to believe what was happening…and then she realised the roof of the castle was falling….yes, it was falling right on her. She ran for her life…she groped for the door and just ran out as fast as her legs could carry her. It took sometime for her to realise that she was there standing out under the sky safely away from the castle….she turned a frightened glance towards the castle and saw that it was slowly perishing right infront of her eyes.The roof was falling taking along the walls with it….stone by stone the castle was coming down.Tears flowed down her cheeks…she cudn’t believe that all the beauty that she had experienced was going away right before her….she cried and screamed for help but in vain. The castle was going down and she had to witness it standing there…she could not save the castle…she could not do anything to stop it from falling into pieces. She looked around for help…half-hoping…half-expecting and to her surprise she saw that all the greenery and the nature that had captivated her was vanishing one after other. She didn’t know where to go…she was aghast…she quickly closed her eyes with her palms …she could not take it anymore…she could not see everything disappearing just like that….grabbed away from her in a jiffy.
After a long time she opened her eyes half scared of what she will witness infront of her…and found herself in her bed room. It was dark ….and she could feel the cold wind outside coming through the open window. She stared at the ceiling blank for a while and suddenly felt relieved to find herself in her home. Beads of sweat had piled up on her forehead. She got up and stood beside the window and felt the cool breeze against her face….the dream still fresh in her memory….was it a night-mare…or was it an enjoyable dream. She cudn’t decide…It took sometime for the events that she had gone through to sink in her head. She then remembered what her mother had said…the land that we are talking of is definitely beautiful…but don’t build castles in the air!!Yeah, so it was…’A castle in the air’….I had built ‘A castle in the air’…she smiled and thought to herself!!

Phew!!

Now just imagine this. Your day starts off with you realizing that you have overslept by half an hour and you really need to rush to office since you have a meeting right in the morning which had been announced the previous day. And the mail that had the announcement had been sent by your technical manager so this helps you imagine the sharpness of the dagger hanging over your neck even more clearly.You rush to office skipping ur breakfast and are stuck in a traffic jam ….the vehicles do not seem to budge an inch from their places for hrs together.You feel u are caught up in the world of tortoises for eternity with some blaring music playing in the background providing entertainment to the tortoises.Anyways, you finally manage to reach the fly-over near your office somehow and you decide to walk down to the office instead of being stuck in that stationary frame for another half an hour.
Just when you are thanking God for having made it to ur work place just in time for the meeting a local school bus passes by with school students happily waving at u from the bus’s window happily and blissfully enjoying their trip to school totally oblivious of the external world outside their homes and schools.And all of a sudden there is a splash and u see muddy water all over your dupatta sprinkled on it as if it was some holy water sprinkled on you blessing you to survive the dagger.You finally reach ur floor in that shabby condition cursing your fate and see that the meeting has already started.Without caring about the dress you just barge into the conference hall hoping against hope that there would be no Diwali celebrations for you in store there.As a blessing in disguise you are informed that ur tech manager has not yet joined the meeting and will be joining in another five minutes.
Just when you are heaving a sigh of relief and thanking your fate for showering so much kindness on you your technical manager arrives smiling and reports that there is a bad news…..the project is called off.You go back to ur place after the meeting totally lost…not understanding how come u didn’t feel the pain when the dagger fell over ur neck.Calling off the project wud mean all the efforts that had been put by u and ur team over the last one month had been watered down…..washed clean.And it wud also mean a calm after the storm (Yeah! I guess in corporate world the calm is usually felt after the storm not before)…that is u wud be sitting idle for a few days till the next assignment commences. And after having such a bad start of the day u decide to talk to ur fren hoping to derive some solace. But u discover that u have left ur cell at home in the hurry to get to office on time.Now u even fall short of curses for cursing ur fate.
The whole day goes off in you and ur team members predicting as to what could have been the reason for the closure of the project and brooding over it.At the end of the day as planned by u earlier u decide to go and shop for the Rakhi gift for ur brother keeping aside all ur worries.You enter the mall and notice that u have just half an hr on hand after which the mall will close down and in that half an hr time you need to hunt for a decent t-shirt.After rummaging around two floors of t-shirts which included a few oscillations between the first floor and the fourth floor of the mall u finally pick up a decent looking t-shirt when there are just about 5 min left for the shop to close down. Dog tired and famished u congratulate urself for having remembered to buy the gift and for having accomplished the task successfully after one whole week after Rakhi.You reach the billing counter and give the t-shirt for billing.Then you fish for ur debit card and a hundred odd things come out of ur purse except for the debit card. (I really sometimes think that my purse is also as magical as those dinner plates of Hogwart’s school which gets filled on its own from time to time).Anyways after a through search of ur purse you discover that you neither have the card nor money on u and suddenly the memory database of ur memory throws an alert message reminding u tht u had left ur card in ur mom’s purse the last time u had gone for shopping with her.
Getting out of the half-closed shutters of the mall aware of the smiles of those ten people standing behind you in the payment counter and having noticed the wide grin of the person at the counter u walk out of the mall.
Phew!! What a day….Lol :))!!

I realize....

Recently, I happened to have a conversation with one of my frens…which was on these lines :

Fren : Hey, how was ur day??
Me : As usual …. Same boring stuff
Fren : ok! So what are u working on these days
Me : I am into a new project…just the initial phase so lots of documents to read
Fren : Oh ! So that must be boring!
Me : Yeah, its quite boring to read documents all day
Fren : Yeah, I know.So what do u do to get over the boredom??
Me : Nothing….can’t do much really!!Most of the sites are also blocked in our office.So can just have coffee and roam around a bit may be.
Fren : Oh that’s pretty bad then. How do u people survive without access to any of the sites.
Me : ha ha we are surviving right.
Fren : I wudn’t have allowed that to happen to me.
Me : I didn’t get you…sorry
Fren : I said I wudn’t have let that happen to me
Me : What wud u do??
Fren : Quit and join somewhere else.
Me : hmmmm ok

Now this conversation left me thinking for a while. I felt like saying ‘No, don’t say that. It is a gud place to work in’.Why did I feel bad. This was not the first time I was hearing such kind of statements. Many of my colleagues keep complaining. Our coffee discussions usually revolve around our hectic schedule or complaining tht no project is assigned,our project managers,other companies having better facilities,who all have shifted where and what not. Its very rare that we discuss abt the facilities within the company, how are we different from others and what we are actually gaining being here.And the most interesting thing is I have seen people shift and again start cribbing in a few days.There have been cases of people shifting and wanting to come back also to the same place.But even after having the knowledge of all this we hardly ever appreciate what we have….atleast we hardly ever project that we do gain something from the company. There are umpteen number of blogs discussing the dissatisfaction they have at their work place.I too have cribbed in a few posts of mine.
But for once when I heard that statement I felt guilty that I cribbed. When I have cribbed and said that I was bored I must be looking for something more isn’t it?Let me consider what all I have first to decide on what more I need. Starting from basic things…my salary is good enough for a decent survival if not a lavish one. The work environment at my work place is quite good. There is no concept of hierarchy here and whether u r a fresher or an experienced person you do have a say here. There is hardly any bossism at the work place unless required. You have good frens among ur batchmates and colleagues. You can also consider the opportunity of working on the client’s side and visiting a few places…enriching ur experience and ur bank account for those who are keen. Regarding nature of work….yes, it definitely is interesting on few days and its not at other times.And above all, I get to stay with my parents even.So, what is that which I need to consider then for making a shift.Don’t I have enough things already to be happy with!What else does anyone look for in a job. Is not having 24/7 internet facility reason enough to consider a shift or is any other such reason valid?Frens even keep asking…two years and in the same place.Why aren’t u considering a shift?.......
Will shifting mean an end to all complaints??Will we not have reasons for complaining always? Is there any end to it? Say we have all the facilities and everything we complain for not having time for leisure. And if we do not have a hectic schedule we complain for not having our frens or our family around. It will be a very rare occurrence to have everything u want and be well satisfied.
For once I saw the positives that I was gaining from and I realized I might be aspiring to progress but that doesn’t mean I am not happy with what I already have. I have realized I love my job and my work place not just for the benefits it gives me but I like it as a whole with all its benefits and loopholes. And even if I complain or crib I am not actually complaining abt the workplace but the complaints are actually abt myself is what I have understood. If I ever shift it wouldn't be because of boredom or dissatisfaction or because of any flaws in my organization. And we all need to realize that unless we appreciate and value what we already possess satisfaction and happiness will always remain elusive. And no amount of shifting is ever going to bring them to us.The yearn for more will always be a luring entity for which the organization is no way responsible....the root of the problem lies within us not in any of the organizations.