Home...

Home – the word itself sounds so soothing….how many times in the day I think of you….when I am having a tough time meeting deadlines…when I am exhausted and just want to relax…when I feel frustrated for no good reason and just want to run away somewhere…when I am down and out…when it’s a celebration with family…after a long tiring journey….how many times I yearn to get back to that place called home…

The one and only place which is truly relaxing…where I am nothing but myself…where I don’t care about my appearance…my clothes or my dressing…the way I carry myself…where the food always feels fulfilling…where the water always quenches my thirst…where the bed always gives me a peaceful relaxing sleep…where I like to receive calls from near and dear…where I always feel safe and secure….

Today when I have to leave you and shift to some other place I also realize apart from all the above there had been umpteen memories which also I am leaving behind with you here. …memories which never felt so overwhelming enough as long as you were with me…memories of the day I first walked into my very little home…hrs that I spent bringing you into shape…the day I had got my first gas stove…the day I had first experimented cooking and burnt the dish…the day I got my first oven….the numerous lazy afternoons when I just lazily lied down on the floor and watched TV…the pigeons which everyday in the morning dance on the balcony shade and disturbed our sweet slumber….the running and urgency to fill drums of water when there was a water shortage…the dreams that I made imagining how I would paint the walls and what kind of pictures will go where and how would you look all decorated….our search for the right curtains…our fight over our first frigde….our parents visit and our excitement for they being our first guests and our effort in making them feel at home….our first Diwali in which our little home looked breathtaking with all the diyas…and above everything our first venture to start and manage a home together all on our own…

Shifting into a rented flat closer to office makes me feel that I am leaving so much behind…makes me feel weird and become possessive when I think that our little home is going to be lived in by some other people whom we will rent the flat to…I don’t know if my little home will feel the same again if other people stay in it…Will they take enough care of our home…

I wonder how people sell off their houses or rather their homes…its so painful just to leave ur home behind not knowing when u can shift back to it and go to some other rented apartment….I hope I can build new memories in the new apartment as well…but I know it will not be the same….adieu my little home…we will miss you….you will always be our special little home…

Wish I was a Kid Again...

I remember that when I was a kid on the first day of school I used to love it when it turned out that that year a new uniform had to be stitched for me as the old uniform had become too old and shabby… and because my feet always happened to grow faster than me so every yr new shoes were almost a compulsion…I used to bask in glory and happiness and was all smiles thinking that everything would be new…new class, new uniform, new shoes, new set of books and if the school bag somehow also happened to be new then nothing like it…newness of things excited me so much as a kid…I even used to love transfers and shifting…when my father would be posted in a new place I would jump with joy thinking that there would be a new place to live in and a brand new set of friends and a new school too…And I always wondered why do my parents love their old home more than the new home and always keep talking about it…

Years later today even without my asking for it…it looks like all of a sudden I am going to step into a phase where everything is going to be new…new city, new apartment, new job, new colleagues, new field of work….and this time the things that are going to be new are much bigger in nature and in meaning. I am excited yes, but I also feel lost at the same time. There is enthusiasm and at the same time a certain amount of fear that will things go well or will I succumb to everything…I sometimes yearn for my old job in the city where I had lived for years and to get back to the comfort of my parents place…how come the same newness which used to overwhelm me as a kid is making me develop these inhibitions and apprehensions…..May be its easy when you start afresh…when you have no memories of your old job where you know how your first year had been…how long it had taken to establish your credibility…how you had not known to tackle a bad manager…may be its not…may be its easy now because you know how to tackle things and you have had the experience…but all said and done its again a start…a completely new start….it would take time again to settle down…again the same feeling of unsettlement would be there initially…again the strange feeling of walking down an unkown street to an unkown area and an office… amidst all strangers…the same jitters…the same nervousness….the same anxiety…

How I wish I was a kid again….oblivious…accepting all the newness in its entirety…blissfully ignorant of the fear and inhibitions and innocently taking in everything that’s new …with all smiles…making a mirage of imaginations..

A Morning in the Valleys !!

Long time since I have blogged…Last few weeks have been so eventful that I haven’t had time to even think of the content for posting..And as the snap suggests this is what I had been doing....I should say I had been on a traveling spree…

Visited places like Shimla, Kullu, Manali, Chandigarh, Delhi, Mathura, Agra, Fatehpur Sikri….in a shot span of time covering so many places was a real good experience. It gave the feel and understanding of the differences in people’s culture, living and lifestyle in these places which probably I cudn’t have experienced had I visited one place at a time…I had never seen snow till date…hence Rohtang Pass was an enchanting experience…to see white snow all around you…sea of snow everywhere as far as your eyes can take you…it was mesmerizing…although I wasn't able to breathe for a while as the cold overtook me the sight was still overwhelming...and from the softness of the snow and the sub zero degrees cold we traveled towards Agra…scorching heat..50 degrees centigrade…but then Taj Mahal has its own charm…its not the first time that I visited Taj Mahal..but I was still as captivated by the monument as I was the very first time I had seen it…It has an aura about it that just captures you without fail…for that matter all these architectures i.e Fatehpur Sikri, Sikandara etc…you feel so different when you walk on the ground on which you know years and years ago kings and queens used to walk on them…you wonder how the place must be then in all its finery and glow…something that you have heard of as stories from your grandparents as a kid and had dreamt about…about kings and queens and ministers and their kingdoms palaces power and richness…and you are there touching it feeling it in your hands…imagining the stories in their true form for a while..

The other thing that strikes you is the differences in the nature of people.I think the whole of Himachal Pradesh is a different world in itself…Shimla being the capital feels so serene and calm which is far far away from the hustle bustle of the metros we live in….people in Shimla seem to be living a very beautiful life enjoying every day living each and every moment…you can see people sitting leisurely on the footway sipping tea and coffee in the early hours of morning…as soon as darkness sets in people call it a day and are seen having a stroll on the Mall road enjoying the cold breeze of the eve…there is no hurry... no tension in their eyes...just calmness and serenity all around...stark difference from the way people’s orientation towards life in a Metro is …Its really amazing how just a few hrs away from a metro people lead such a peaceful life and here in the metro people are so different….softness of people in the valleys seem to be engulfed by the harshness of the fast pace of life in Metro forcing them to develop a hard exterior…but then it would be wrong to compare the happiness of both of them as both are happy in their own cities…even the person in the valley is happy away from the fast pace of life in the metro and the person in the metro is happy being away from the slow moving calm life of the valleys…. although both might seem complaining about their lives at times....

And that makes me think…now that I am in Mumbai another metro….. when I look at the innumerous teeming lights from the balcony of my flat and the sky high buildings..and the people rushing through the crowd to catch the local to their homes…I wonder if I can fight through the crowd and make a place for myself here… …will Mumbai accomodate me and become my home ……

Adieu!

When we were in engineering and it was the last day on campus we had cried hugging each of our friends....we were too young then not to mind to be called a sissy

Now, when it is the last day of post graduation (MBA) we are too old to cry or be sentimental and be a sissy and too young to realize that this is the end of a phase which will never repeat again and these are the faces who you never might cross paths with again and there is something that we might miss tomm....only if we get old enough to realize...

The Last Mile

With just a couple of days more on campus and with end terms already hovering on our heads for the last term we the batch of 2010 are all set to cross the last mile together...just like we had first set our foot together two years back and sailed in the same boat all these days long...

It was a learning phase nevertheless.....just like every institute is...Past two years have definitely been eventful for all of us..And ofcourse I will always be thankful to this institute for helping me achieve the objective for which I had come here for...

I remember the day I had first stepped in...the newness and the strangeness of the place had been overpowering....even the sight of the stranger who had taken the group discussion with me during the interview process provided reassurance of someone known....

I remember how I had wandered into the class and sat coyly at a place with strange faces all around me filled with enthusiasm and our HR professor had walked into the class announcing marks for class participation.....which was like setting fire to a bunch of fireworks.... heart pounding mine was also one of the hands up desperate to contribute to the class...

I remember the day the first quiz was announced to be held and a batch mail was circulated with at most enthusiasm wishing all the very best to the entire batch by the students....And after three years of work I was sitting infront of my laptop ....my hand shivering to press the Go button to start the quiz....the Adrenaline rush, the fear, the excitement...

The seniors presentations in the nights which was compulsory to attend and the next day morning class where we would support each other so that the professors don’t catch us sleeping....the night outs in game committees ....the first JLT...when we were attending these it seemed that acads were in one end of the spectrum and these belonged to the other end...we would listen to the tunes of the songs playing in the JLT and bask in the glory of freedom from acads even if it was temporary...

The rehearsals we did as a group for our very first presentation in communication...with our hearts in our mouth to face a group of 60 as audience...and the support we gave each other in terms of Q&A session after the presentations....and how we have progressed to a stage where we make presentations in the class in those 5 min time when the other group is presenting and royally present it even to a panel of profs with umpteen confidence...

The very first grades which hit us all with one blow...the worry...the anxiety which has all faded with the years as we learnt to grow out of them...and laugh at glory and debacle alike accepting various things both good and bad and taking them in our stride as we went along.....

The wrath of the profs which we all together took with silent empathy for each other. The bitching sessions about anything and everything related to anyone and everyone.

Maxinations....Expressions....someone has rightly named the festival...in togetherness do we express our enthusiasm and spirit through a festival for which we didn’t mind to toil for nights together just to make it a success....and the admiration in all our eyes as each of our batchmates performed with flying colors...applauding for each and everyone...

The b’day celebrations...where the whole batch has fun at your expense and you enjoy to see them all laugh at your expense..

The silent prayers for one and all for placements...

I am not sure if I can term it Nostalgia as we count the final days to our footsteps taking us outside the campus...but I am sure there will be innumerable days when we will be sitting with a smile spread on our faces remembering the PJs of our friends and batchmates idiosyncrasies here...telling the tales of the profs and classes that we took each being an experience in itself...I only hope that just similar to the way we had all given a silent support to each other during the senior ragging sessions and class ragging sessions by the profs which were our first stepping stones...which we had probably misunderstood then and which now we understand was a way by which they made us think not as an individual but as a batch and brought us closer making us think for each other...just like that in the days to come I hope we still will silently support each other when the corporate world out there waits to rag us...with this note I bid adieu to the batch of 2010...

Surreal or Real?

I think everybody in this world lives in two different worlds...one being real with stark practicality of day to day life, where your weaknesses have no place, where everyone is struggling to make a place, where you just get up and run to keep pace with the fast moving reality, where expectations are not alive, where you are alone, you are an individual all by yourself ...left alone to face it all whether things be in your favour or not....in short its the world where dreams end and reality begins and hits in your face and you have no say..you got to take it and keep walking...

And at the exact opposite end lies the other world...its surreal...but it exists as much as your real practical world...this is the world that everyone loves because they can see their hopes alive..which are so alive that they seem to hold your hand and lead you to the path where you see your expectations smiling down at you and encouraging you to dream...soar high in your dreams...paint that surreal world which has all the colors...bright and sparkling...without a speck of dullness...And how much you love to be lost in this surreal world of yours...This is the world where you define yourself..where there is time and place for love, closeness, family, friends...there is leisure...your imaginations are free to soar...

And there is a line separating the two worlds....a thin line it is...as its very often that when you realize the reality is way different and claims to be so practical that you slip into your surreal world to take solace to console yourself saying that what if the reality is so...what if I am not allowed to expect in there...what if my dreams don’t have a place there....I can still dream and expect in my surreal world and derive fulfilment from it...And you probably still expect and still dream...and again hope...hope that this time it is the other way round and this time atleast one of the dreams from the surreal world just slides into the real world and leaves you in awe....

Afterall the mind knows no bounds...the heart has no boundaries...they still hope for that day when the surreal world is your real world...they still expect their dreams to lead them by the hand to the apex of their imaginations and each time they are proved wrong they just wonder why is that we even expect .....aren’t the two worlds in completely different planes....surreal is still surreal and real is afterall real...stark but still real...but what the heart doesn’t although the mind understands is...how to draw the line between them...how to keep them separate...how to let them be...And the larger question would be...what is it right now?...Surreal or Real?

She...

Three years old she is...playing innocently across the hallway in her mother’s lap...while her mother is trying to comb her hair into a pretty little plait...arranging her curly hair across the forehead...making her look like a doll....the innocence in her baby smile and the eagerness with which her big eyes are absorbing her mother’s words when she says...one day my little angel will be a big girl ...she would study hard and earn a lot of name and show everyone that she is no less...and everyone around will say that’s my angel...

Little does the little angel know...that she is going to tread a tough path ahead...her mother weaves in her her aspirations and ambitions so that her angel is no less than a guy tomorrow...and so does the innocent eyes of the little girl believe....As time flies she will be gifted dolls and will be taught to dream...dream of all that she wanted to do and was not allowed to as it was not lady like...and so her ability to soar high in her dreamland will begin... she ceases to exist in reality and her advent to the surreal world that she weaves takes an initiation...The trophies that she bags will be treasured by her mom more than anyone else....She will see the spark of her ambition in her mother’s eyes which she would like to fulfil...Her little innocent eyes which had naively taken her mother’s words for granted then...realization will dawn when she will know it was just another fairy tale...

Beauty being her identification in the society...homeliness being her appeal...house hold responsibility being her inevitable responsibility...earning her morsel a necessity...Her ambitions can be compromised with...judging her would be a legacy ....and her complaints not understood........ Numerous such expectations would unfold infront of her which will leave her to shun her innocence and grab the garb of a lady....toughness being her soul and patience her weapon...tears being the gift of God to vent out her emotions...and endurance her strength. Equipped with all these she would stand to face the vast waves of the ocean all alone....

Her mother’s moist eyes will dream of her little angel in a bridal dress painting the canvass of her life with beautiful colors....hoping against hope that her little angel is not standing alone to face the waves and has a supporting hand and a shoulder to lean on when she is gone....And she will gift her the garb of a woman....when her little angel is old enough and ready to take a leap ahead ....to be a woman from being the lady she was....A subtle change bringing a world of unexplainable transformation in her life...Here her mother will learn that her role is over and now her little angel is left on her own to discover the woman in her and endure it , comprehend it, understand it and love it for no one else would or no else can except she herself...

For she will shudder and wouldn’t want to submit to being a woman she would want to be her mother’s little angel again believing innocently to her mother’s words...oblivious of the future she has to face.... oblivious to the fact that she is being moulded to be a woman someday.... Yet, a time will come when she will wait...she will wait for an identity of her own...she will wait for her own little angel in whom she can see her reflection...her self...and that day she would truely comprehend the mysticism and divinity of her existence...she would be liberated , she would be happy....she would realize and she would be thankful that she is a girl...a lady...a woman...and her little angel will also grow to be one some day.

House to Home….

No, this post isn’t about lamenting about being far from parents…missing home…or anything of that sort…its about my home…yeah today it feels so very special that I thot let me post about it…

Since morning I have been busy cleaning the house…didn’t take a shower…didn’t have food….just wanted to first make my house a home first and only then do other things…strangely I didn’t even feel filthy cleaning the house…Its true when people say what a guy would term as clean a girl will never do so till she sees it spotlessly clean. And as Murphy’s law goes my maid turned up after I cleaned the entire house thinking that she wouldn’t come and she said…Bhabie aap aa gayi…ab ja ke ghar saaf lag raha hai…par aap ek hi din mein pura ghar kyun saaf kar rahe ho…bhaiyya ko toh pata bhi nahi chalega…aap thoda araam se karo na…I just smiled and closed the door…and finally now when I look all around me I just feel like taking it all in cherishing the feeling of being in my home. My mother too always used to tell me …housewives keep working all day long and at the end of the day when they go to sleep their work never has value…rather no one values their work…but today when I look at my home…sparkling clean…each and every corner cleaned by me…I feel the value of putting in 8 hours of labour…how does it matter if anyone values my work or not…the value of looking at my shining little home is just overwhelming and priceless…

I wonder how people sell off their houses and go for new houses...how come they don't develop any attachments with the place they first started their lives in...together making it into a home an abode where they celebrated and took the first step of their life together...May be the attachment wears off over time...probably a bigger house occupies enough space in the dreams to have no place left for the old memories attached to thier very first home...

Year 2010....

So here comes 2010.... The beginning of another year...the advent of a new beginning, new hopes, new wishes...Its always so nice to welcome the start of a new year...to see people rejoicing all around you...

On the eve of every new year I always get reminded of the year that has passed...and where I was the last time I celebrated new year with others...as it happens last year I happened to be at my parents place and was stuck up with some stupid assignment with some course and didn’t know what to do as I was not on campus...so I just didn’t realize when last year had started and how time flew...but today when I sit to gather my thots I am just realizing it was just two yrs back when I was celebrating the start of the year 2008 and the year before that had passed in lot of personal ups and downs...little did I know what the year 2008 and the next year had in store for me...and when I had wished that hope this year goes well probably God just took of time to listen to my wishes...

Year 2008 had marked a new beginning in my life....as I happened to meet my husband that year and pursue my dream of doing higher studies that year and year 2009 happened just follow 2008 fulfilling my professional ambitions and today when I welcome the year 2010 I again know it will be the start of my new life...it will be a year full of promises...which will bring in togetherness, new responsibilities, Start of my new home,love, sharing and a little bit of adjustment, start of a new career , new friends and a new work life. Its going to be another remarkable year...

With all the happiness and eagerness that I look forward to for the year 2010...I also have this stint of a feeling that the count of the number of years that I am not going to be with my parents is only going to increase from now on...its like the phase in which I was learning to fly with the help of my parents is over now and I am all set to fly...just like the younger birds have to leave the comfort of their parents nests once their parents teach them how to fly only taking their blessings along to face the world alone...

Hoping that year 2010 marks a new beginning bidding adieu to 2009 for everyone and is as prosperous as the celebrations that are welcoming the year ahead...Wishing one and all a very Happy New Year 2010...

God Sent....

He was just a few hrs old when I first got to look at him...I saw him and I thot gosh if I put my two palms together he can just fit into them...so tiny he was...

Ever since then whenever I look at him or hear him speak those big philosophical statements or making those big career decisions I picturize that tiny little tod whom I used to forcibly get into that one piece head to toe fit and decorate him like a doll stealthily when my mother took off for a bath or left him unattended for a while and was spanked hard for doing that geopardizing breaking his neck...but the amazing thing was that he would just keep looking at me with those big innocent baby eyes while I was forcing him into the outfit and never even utter a sound of pain or discomfort...that was my little brother...he has always been that little for me ever since...

He would just crawl to me when I got back from school in class two and get back to home being carried by me...I would secretly get lollipop for him when he was allowed to have only baby food and make him lick it..... and he would lick it with a world of eagerness as if it was a drop of heaven that I got for him...

He was warned that he can’t come near me because I had chicken pox when he was one and half yrs old and when my parents were not looking he would come and stand near the door looking at me scared...wishing with those innocent eyes again that I get well soon...and run away as soon as he would see anyone coming and when he was scolded he would explain in his broken baby talk that chicken pox cudn’t jump over him as he ran away in time...

The way we used to fight and drive my mother crazy...

The day when my father came home and told me my Intermediate Board results and that I would be securing a seat in BITS and inspite of having a physical broom stick weaponed fight...which broke the broom stick into two and let my mother bring down the roof on us...my little brother who had vowed never to see my face again in his entire life..just heard my father announce the results and came and sat quietly beside me tugging at my arm...again his innocent eyes looking at me and earnestly hearing my father say and understand that I will have to leave home for 4 years...

I would truble him tease him and eat his part of the goodies and when he would cry and I get spanked and beaten up for the mischief...he would look at me through tears ...wipe his tears away and tell my father...its ok papa she will not do it again...

The scared look in his eyes when he would be watching Harry Porter at night with me instead of preparing for IIT and hear a sound imagining that my father or mother will come out to drink water and catch hold of him...

The irritated look that he gave me when I uttered something stupid or irritated him...the give up look he would give me when it came to my GK....and the supporting look that he would always give when I gave it up and said I can’t do it...

And the day when he took the thali for welcoming his sister’s bridegroom home...my little brother again...the look in his eyes bidding me goodbye after the wedding....

My brother 6 yrs younger to me....has always been and will always be that same little innocent toddler for me...yet just yesterday he told me just these four words “ Di, you make me proud”...I don’t know what made him say that....probably because this time I wasn’t near to look into his eyes....but it just overwhelmed me and I wondered ....my little brother ...just like I look down at him as the same little tiny person who could fit in my palms...his eyes have always looked up at me...right from the first time he called me by my name as a kid before he uttered mama or papa...And what can I say except that its true when people say siblings are just another way of God telling you that they are always there with you as your reflection....

Gratitude.....

Two incidents come to my mind today as I sit posting on this blog :

Incident 1 :

School admission for class 8^th. The principal of the school telling my father ...”Oh no sir you don’t realize she has no city school experience...she doesn’t know English also properly...and we have seats available only for Sanskrit second language....which she has never taken earlier...she will fail in 8^th as well as Xth board”...

And the my father answering “ I assure you sir she will manage and she will manage it well”...

And I managed to score 100% in Xth Board exam in Sanskrit and Two Gold Medals in Xth Board

Incident 2:

MBA admission. My father requesting Dean to postpone my joining by few days as the day of my wedding and joining were on the same day. The dean’s response to my father’s request “...You don’t realize sir....your daughter will face a very tough curriculum here...will she be able to manage MBA with marriage at a time...that too joining late”.

My Father’s response again “ I assure you sir she will manage and she will manage it well”...

And I managed again this time....but the credit does not go to me but to that one person who forms my world...My Husband...

And next to God for correcting this one wrong decision of mine by blessing me with my dream job in Finance in the same city as my Husband inspite of that being the only company on campus offering the location where my husband is posted.

A Yearning....

Today all of a sudden I don’t know why I am remembering home so much. Its been two years since I left home. Two years since I had been so paranoid to get thru MBA in someplace. Now I wonder, did I ever realize it then what would it mean. Did I think at that time that it would mean I have to spend two years away from all the luxury of home cooked food and comfort of my mom when I was down, comfort of my sleeping lazily in my room where everyone was so hell bent on me getting up and having food on time, when I would come back from office and my mom would open the door worried asking me what kept me so late...and complain about how can corporate job be so taxing, where me and my brother would browse thru all the tv channels and comment over every silly thing we come across breaking down to peals of laughter, bugging my father to take us for dinner in expensive restaurants whenever his salary for the month is credited, gazing at electronic items with my father and brother in different stores till mom screamed with irritation, escaping out just when the slightest hint of some errand at home is going to befall on u, ordering mom to cook ur favourite dish and hogging over it, complaining abt anything and everything in the world to your parents and knowing that you will get full support from them no matter what or who is wrong, venting out ur irritation on the first person u find and getting a thwacking which later is dissolved with some good bribery...the list is just endless.

I am wondering how people who have gone abroad for work or studies manage. Don’t they have such moments of emotional yearning to just leave behind everything and go home. Home the word itself sounds so soothing to ears. I remember I always used to mock at my mother for missing her home which she has left since about 28 years since the time she got married and moved with my father . I always used to say she is being irrational when she calls grandpa’s house as her house whereas her house is this. Now, I think may be 30 yrs from now I will still be feeling the same yearning that I am feeling rt now...Afterall home is home the sweetest place in the world, the place which keeps all your childhood memories with it, the place which is always there with open arms inviting you making you yearn to just go there and embrace it, the place which you eventually one day have to leave but which always lives with you wherever you go...I just wish I was at home now.

Since age five....

I was just watching this episode of friends today where one of the girl characters of the serial is getting married and she wants everything to be perfect on her marriage and the guys are unable to understand as to why is she making such a big fuss about every tiny thing that she wants to be perfect and not try to yield and compromise with the next best option. This reminded of my work place where I used to work earlier before joining MBA...there was this friend of ours who was getting married then and we girls we so very excited for her and each of us pooled in money to buy her the best of gifts possible. She was the first one among our friends circle in office to get married and we spent hours discussing as to what would be the right gifts for her...we wanted to bid her with a nice farewell party and the guys were just unable to appreciate the entire thing ...they were like yeah she is getting married so what’s the big deal...why so much of excitement...what is the big thing that she is going for...back then we girls were all dumbfounded and we never could get back at the boys for ridiculing all our arrangements and excitements...

But when I was watching the serial the reply that the girls gave to the guys just left me thinking....In the serial Monica retorted when her brother who was getting married was frustrated that the bride wanted everything to be perfect and was making a big fuss about everything...all that she said was “ How long have you been preparing for your wedding”..he said about 6-7 months and she said “you know from how long she has been thinking of her wedding ...since she was 5 yrs old”...and this statement of Monica’s just struck me...actually to think about it...you see a girl of age five or even less the only thing you see her doing is planning for the wedding of her dolls...she tries to have the perfect wedding for her doll picturising herself seeing her image or a part of herself in the doll and she grows so does the dream does along with her...she always dreams herself in that bridal dress with all the bridal accessories on her ...that special day of her lives which she would want to be just perfect and nothing else...even a small thing like leaving the home by doing the ritual of pouring the rice in your mothers saree pallu would also be very special for her...she would dream of an entire different life which she would be entering into after the very day of her wedding...even the sillest thing like putting mehendi uptill which exact point of her hand she would have dreamt about...even the stupidest detail as to how many bangles she would like to put on she would have taken ages to figure out... even the idea of wearing the ring of her fiancée would be her most cherished moment

Guys today argue that what’s the big deal as everyone is working the guys are also leaving far from home and so are the girls and a wedding is in no way taking the girl away from her home or her parents more than the guys nor does the girl have any problems to adjust at her new place among new people as the couple leave for their place of work immediately after the wedding or the in laws have actually become very broad minded with the changing generations. Whatever the argument the fact of a girl always have dreamt of her new home..the perfect one with the single most detail planned as to what the color of the walls would be would never be so with the guy...how much ever casual today’s generation has become this fact will always remain true as Monica said guys would never understand as they can never imagine themselves in the bridal wear walking down the aisle since they were five years old...dreaming about how your home would be with your partner...being ready to transform and change stepping into a new changed life where even a different name is acceptable to you... they just never can

There is this movie fashion that I simply have no words to describe...after ages I have found another movie that I can go on watching an endless number of times...it sure does come in the league of other movies of Madhur Bhandarkar... I must say he just makes these amazing movies...even the other movie of his that is page 3 it was just as beautiful as this one...generally I always prefer reading a book rather than watch a movie...but its some movies like these that I just get sold to...

Movies like fashion, Page 3 and other movies I guess cannot really be appreciated by everyone. They have these intense emotions picturised in these movies which is way different from the other light hearted commercial movies that the general public movies. But I don’t know why I fall for these heavy movies and its really amazing that each time I watch these movies I not only fall more in love with them but I have a whole new set of thoughts and perspectives that revolve around the movie and the characters in the movie in my mind. I really love the high amount of confidence that he portrays in the characters of his movies that kind of oozes out of them and kind of touches you and spreads to you when you watch them...all his characters are these women whom you truely can term as women of substance with umpteen amount of confidence, maturity and an independent attitude which you just cannot fail appreciating. And fashion would earn probably a few points more for its marvellous blend of music as well....I am so glad I finally ended up with a copy of Fashion today and now I can watch it whenever I feel a little low

Its so amazing when you have all this leisure time to yourself when you can just watch your favourite movies all night alone on your laptop with absolutely no one to disturb you and you can go through the entire emotional sequence all by yourself and post about it and go to sleep playing songs all night on your laptop till the charge of the battery goes down...it feels so great after exams!!

Friends the serial :D

When I am down and think I have hit rock bottom I watch friends

When I am angry with life I watch friends

When I feel lost I watch friends

When I feel elated I watch friends

When I feel lonely I watch friends

When I take a break from my schedule I watch friends

When I am bored I watch friends

And now when I am frowning for not being able to go home after my exams I am watching FRIENDS....wonderful serial...just have no words for it J J!!

Heading towards more hollowness...

I had been thinking to post about this since a long time and have just not been finding time to. Usually when I experience something and think of writing about it and postpone it I end up forgetting the incident and don’t post it. But this time I guess I just haven’t been able to forget the experience of that day. It was actually a very simple day like any other day...just that it was special for me as staying in a hostel doing an MBA amidst this vast clutter of events you take one whole min. to recollect your name so forget about taking out time to be with family. Thus that one day that I was spending at home was special in a way.

It was a fine Sunday evening and everyone was having a day off from work just lazing around.Now, as usual I always love being a silent spectator and listen to other’s conversation ...rarely I actively involve myself...so I was just doing my usual part of being a silent listener and then it suddenly struck me that we have all been discussing from a long time about a street dog. My mother in law was narrating her experience while she was staying at rent in Cuttack, a city in Orissa. She was talking about a colony dog basically it had so happened that a dog gave birth to a puppy and died and all the people in the colony didn’t have the heart to see the puppy die so they took care of the puppy and each of the them took turns in feeding the puppy. The puppy became such a favourite of the colony that whenever in anyone’s house in that colony there used to be a celebration, b’day or something that day the puppy was fed with royal food...whenever a delicacy was made in anyone’s house a share was kept aside for the puppy too. All the colony members even happened to gather and try naming the puppy... Then it so happened that one hot afternoon the puppy was nowhere to be seen. A chaos was there in the colony...people went out in search of the puppy...housewives couldn’t sleep and eat in peace....children too missed the puppy. Finally after three days someone found the puppy in another colony and gave the happy news.

It was amazing to hear how people in small localities located in small cities develop attachments and develop such emotions. I am not sure if such things can take place in big big Metros between all that glamour of lucrative 14 hrs job. This story probably just fascinated me because when I am in hostel I keep hearing to discussions about job recession, what electives are needed to take up an elective, at how much compensation should one opt for a job, how come that person got more marks then someone, how are people trying to influence the professors to earn some extra marks or know some questions coming in the exam, how should we try and do brand building, a row over why should it should be compulsory to attend any talks, which company tiers our institute at what level, who has got thru some competition or PPO, how have some people got to know answers for exercises and are not posting for the benefit of the batch, how to get back at some group for ruining your presentation the other day, .....and the list goes on.

To listen to all this and then hear to a complete different discussion on a different plane altogether sounds so fascinating. All these emotionless discussions of ours revolving around big bucks all the time sound so hollow somehow. We are everyday trying to develop ourselves in some way by going for a higher education which is good in someway but in the process I hope we are not mechanizing our emotions. I am just imagining what will happen when we are stuck with some big dream jobs ...leading a life in which 3/4^th time is spent at work ...will we have time for such attachments...how would that life be ...without any place and time to develop such emotions...completely hollow...do people realize ever it ever...or is it that they don’t even have time to realize it ...or do they conveniently term it as “what a waste of time” or “How ridiculous” and do away with it....And what will happen one day a few years down at the dining table on a lazy Sunday..will the discussions start with “when I was at work one day there this fellow who was such a rogue...he literally influenced the boss and got a promotion etc etc “..........will we ever have conversations on such small fascinating incidents...Are we all moulding ourselves to lead a hollow life...sigh!!

Who Care's.....

I look at some individuals and wonder at times how must these people be defining the word “feelings”....Do they ever feel for anyone...feel in the sense does it ever occur to them that if I said this or did this in what way would I affect the other individual...does this thot ever pass their subconscious mind...forget abt consciousness...but at the same time I don’t know why I appreciate this attitude also...I appreciate the way these individuals that total I-care-two-hoots attitude...it must be saving such a lot of their time and mental peace in not trying artificially to be nice or good to others...so much of their time is saved in not wondering if what they said or did did it make them get into the bad book of the other person...these newly coined words “attitude” , “maturity” , “practical” and “boldness” in our generation..I somehow do appreciate those people who have these qualities in them....I mean just imagine if all of us would just do what we feel is right not really caring abt what others think till we are within limits of not doing atrociously unthinkable deeds falling on the socially unacceptable parameters....say I don’t believe in performing 100 pujas or a simple thing like if I had non-veg I shouldn’t be visiting temple on that particular day...I mean why on earth my eating habit should be a constraint on me to not remember God on some day...let me visit the temple on any day I wish to...afterall I am visiting the temple to earn some mental peace so why these restrictions...why fast on puja days...how does me being hungry result in greater good...what is the logic to it...why shudn’t I just plain sit and pray to God the way I like without punishing myself by keeping myself hungry and why can’t that result in prosperity for urself and others....

I am glad a lot of these things are not being cared by the younger generation...yeah may be feelings are getting eroded away...may be all this has always been done to make the elderly feel the control and respect by us following their set rules and traditions...but it definitely results in saving on a lot of our mental peace. Half the time I had seen housewives in and around me gossip about every dog and cat too if they can spot one on the road at the time of their gossiping...and today’s generation doesn’t care a pence on how someone is leading his or her life...or what who had told them which was against them or not in their favour....simply put who cares there are thousand other things for me to bother about.

Sometimes I seriously think yes this technology intense generation of ours...ambitious blood...although criticized for having the maximum no. Of break ups and divorces are all definitely leading a better quality of life . I mean yeah, so why shudn’t there be a break up between two people not compatible and not happy...who cares what society thinks...finally its their mental peace which is at stake....

All this sounds so logical and practical to us when we take examples like these...but somewhere still there is a flaw...where can there be a flaw....something still seems wrong in this rationale......what can that be...

Could it be that isn’t the logical end to all this in someway is loneliness......estrangement....solitude. Will the generation tomm have a logic to defy this also...can this also be overcome with rationale...

Why MBA?

Recently one of my cousin’s saw me online at 4:30 A.M in the morning and pinged me asking “What’s up?” and as usual my reply was “Dying”....and he was like “why the hell do u guys work so hard...you literally scare me to opt for MBA...why do people ever do MBA if it requires so much of ur mental peace?”...and I was like “well good question, if u r not able to find the most suitable way to commit suicide then join MBA”...having said that I logged off and continued with my marketing assignment on which I had already spent 48 hrs of labour...yes, when I say 48 hrs it is 48 hrs straight of sleepless time spent on the assignment...

Definitely that wasn’t the best time to ask me as to why MBA if it requires so much of ur perseverance and effort...but yeah, its true it requires a lot of time management...and when I mean time management I mean sleep...u need to have the stamina or rather I shud say u develop the stamina to stay awake for 24 hr stretches at time...if required even for days together...you would see most of us online 24*7....but then behind all the cribbing there is a sense of satisfaction...today if someone asks me the same question as to why MBA I wud answer just in one word...”satisfaction”...well if it sounds ambiguous then I can only say then may be you should not be considering an MBA afterall....

There are people who find satisfaction in earning huge bucks at the end of their degree...and if there is a recession they regret their decision for doing MBA...there are people who just do an MBA because they just want to elongate their college days by another two yrs and postpone the heavy mind boggling decisions of career and all till as long as they can....there are also people who are dissatisfied with their jobs and try changing their careers by doing an MBA...afterall grass looks greener on the other side...but among all these people whichever category you belong to you definitely one day pat urself for taking the decision of doing an MBA provided you earn satisfaction out of it...you earn satisfaction out of the curriculum...the busy schedule..the never ending session of classes that can start as early as 7 in the morning and continue till 12 in the night with an assign submission following the nxt day...the mere toil that goes in...the sleepless nights that go in...the toughness of the schedule...the extent to which you can stretch yourself...all this have to induce and imbibe a sense of satisfaction in you....you can only appreciate the entire thing only when you feel spent at the end of the day and feel sleep overpowering you ....only to close your eyes with a sense of accomplishment. That is what MBA gives you....the sense of accomplishment...sense of satisfaction...a mode to re-discover your potential...a sense to re-discover new ambitions...a place where you find a new definition to ethics and develop your own set of morals...

If you ask me I would also stand by the statement that MBA is not for everyone. Earlier when I used to prepare for these MBA entrances I always used to argue saying what do u mean by u need to make a difference..what do u mean by saying MBA is not for everyone...its people like us who make it there...but after having joined the course I wud say for being an MBAite you certainly need a different kind of aptitude...in other words you need immense inner strength a little of it which you would need prior to MBA and most of it which wud develop during the course...

Another beautiful thing that I have discovered about the course is that the students have immense self confidence in themselves...they don’t question themselves even once about their individuality...each one here is an individual in their entirety...the sense of individualism that comes from MBA...

That doesn’t mean there aren’t people who haven’t adopted shorter means and “extra talented “ ways to achieve the same thing for which you might have spent two sleepless nights. That is the beauty of the course...you have innumerable options...you have shortcuts available as well..it all depends on what do u derive your satisfaction of...MBA is unique...its a tool which you can either use to nourish your inner strength ....build your confidence or boost your ego...and mind you both aren’t the same....but whatever it is just like any other institute where toiling hard reaps its results ....just that the results are not something that can be seen but are subjective and are to be felt in terms of satisfaction that you earn out of them....just as I started the post with.... yes, MBA is a means to commit suicide but the beauty of it is that you yourself search the various means discover the hurdles and you derive pleasure when u find urself up and alive ready to face the next hurdle...only if u can develop the right attitude to do this you can truly appreciate the essence of an MBA otherwise like any other degree MBA might just end with a black robe and a ribbon tied sheet of paper.

Reverie

There is something about this silence that I like...

There is something about this darkness that I like...

A light melody playing on my laptop breaking through the silence of the night..

I have always liked the eerie silence and blackened darkness of the night. The beauty of the tiny lights glittering in the black velvety canvass of the night is always a captivating sight to watch. And to add to the bliss a light music to break through the silence playing in the background echoing into the night. A light drizzle ...the drops of rain sounding crystal clear in the silence splashing on the dry ground leaving a blend of sweet nauseating smell ........A smell that reminds you of your childhood, reminds you of your mom running after you in the rain reprimanding you for getting wet...reminds you of the days when running around playing in the rain was termed playful and not eccentric as it would be termed now....making you wish to just get back to those childhood days...

Probably night has always appealed to me because its the only time when you are free of all day to day hassles and get some leisure . Its the time when you can look back on to the day and smile over your accomplishments...frown over your pitfalls...set new milestones.....Its the time when the realization of you being to yourself dawns...when you can get lost in the maze of your thoughts and do not feel the presence of any being around you intruding into the arena of your world..when you can do things at your own pace not worried about falling short of others moving fast ahead of you...when you have time to miss your near and dear ones ... When you have purity of air around you unadulterated as in the day...when you can look at the tweak of light breaking through the gap in the window pane and build hope.....when the stars glistening in the night sky overwhelm you and rejuvenate your spirits...... when you can be overpowered by sleep regardless of anything and everything around you...regardless of the fact that tomm again you have to get up and run to catch up with the fast pace of the world...when the unconscious slumber grips you by the arm and carries you to a land of dreams beyond the stars promising all your desires to be fulfilled with a blink of your eyes....

A Hearty laugh!!

I am posting after a long long time…all these days what has been happening..well umpteen number of things..and each time I think of posting the next incident baffles me and I just loose track of what all things were on the list to be posted…
Offlate I have been again witnessing a bit of corporate world..which makes me all the more yearn for the life I led earlier as a simple software engineer…looks like the higher the ambitions you have the more you got to be prepared to face the brunt of complicate things. So, I met this business tycoon..yeah a business tycoon who impresses one and all when he speaks…inspiring the innocent and ambitious who are at the bottom of the ladder..making the other peers envy ur opportunity to work with him ….winning the gaping awe of the student stepping into a seven star grand hotel maneuvering her way through the endless entrances with aproned waiters smiling down at you….and something inside you urging you to just run away from that posh grandeur…a sense of uncomfort…a sense of nervousness..what do I tell him…what do I speak to him. And finally when the meeting gets over …a sigh of relief…thank God its over. It must be so easy for them to speak their mind…afterall a business tycoon…it must be so very easy for them to manipulate things…afterall the others are they clever enough to judge what’s behind their mind.
How well they speak…a sugar coated word of praise from them sounds so overwhelming…probably succeeds in covering their real intentions….a mild rebuke…so mild that you have to wonder twice that did it mean anything or am I getting it wrong. Yes, I met such a business tycoon…or rather I was honored to have the opportunity to meet someone so high a stature. And after the whole baffling meet I laughed…the only thing I could do…isn’t it astonishing…the same person from whom I was fearing…I was nervous …became a laughing stock for me…yes, the fear was gone and it was replaced with sympathy and laughter. I always feel pity at people who think that they are very clever…and sadly the politicians and business tycoons are the prime most examples of this…
Thankfully a three years of taste of corporate world has provided me with one percent ability to judge what the real intention behind a particular behavior is. But it seems so paradoxical at times…these business tycoons who are good at commanding respect and imbibing nervousness in others finally end up ruining their own image more often than not….but yes a few people do call it as shrewdness and appreciate it as well and a few other immature people in business world like me call it as foolishness and laugh over it bcoz they fail to understand what harm it would have done to them had they handled the matter by being straight forward about it. The whole industry is in a financial crunch and anyone will perfectly understand a cost cutting strategy…why lie abt it and try enacting that bad performance is the cause of cost cutting….why not be straightforward abt it and leave the decision to the candidate if he/she wants to work with you or pursue their luck elsewhere… and shouldn't it be the most disrespectful and humiliating thing to make a well qualified person work and then say that sorry I can't pay you...what am I saying for us middle class honest people it is since we know what it takes to earn money and qualifications...for business tycoons..... arey they are filthy rich try to understand...you got to be mature enough I tell you !!
This so called shrewd behavior definitely imbibes laughter in you if not anything else….imagine the next time you hear about the business tycoon on TV or from friends will it not bring a smile over your face remembering the K-serial plot he had played on you just to hide his inability to pay you. Sometimes I wonder do these people ever realize what they have lost in the process of building up their bank balances….recently I was stranded all alone in a shopping mall waiting all day long for my husband to finish his work and come over…and a posh mall that it was I had just enough money in my purse for probably the lowest priced item being sold over there. So I could only spend my time looking at people and amusing myself…I really get amused when I see these fashion show type dressed woman strolling with their small two yr old little kids talking to them in American accent….these kind of spectacles induces in me unfailingly as much laughter as the business tycoons business strategies…someday I am sure I will be beaten up for laughing out aloud…..but thanks to these people had it not been for them we would have had no jobs today…its because of these people’s investments that we earn our bread and butter.
But really don’t these people miss having fun wearing loose clothes in summers…with kids running around all over the mall getting into everyone’s path and bringing smile over everyone’s faces instead of learning American etiquettes ….don’t they miss the 10 Rs. Corn being sold on the roadside instead of that 200 Rs. Processed frozen corn….don’t the business tycoons enjoy the dhabawala’s 70 Rs Tandoori instead of 1500 Rs. Tandoori in a seven star hotel….it is definitely a matter to sympathize with but then when I see them complicate their life with so much glee on their faces and the self proclaimed status of belonging to the upper class I can’t help but have a hearty laugh.

’Coffee and Cream’

The pace at which I am posting these days and reading other’s posts as well sometimes really requires me to rake my brain to remember the right URL to my blog..well there was a day when I used to sit in my cubicle at my workplace and think one day when I am enrolled in a B-school and I am doing my dream course MBA I will have so many interesting things to write about that my blog will be filled with posts...that is when I will regularly sit around and keep posting on my blog left and right...and today here I am in a B-school hardly even visiting my blog...forget about posting I don’t even have time to read other’s posts...

So coming to the B-school bandwagon ...yeah bandwagon it is...if it were not then why would so many applicants be seen filling in forms day in and day out trying desperately to get out of what they think as a stagnated boring job to find peace and solace in a B-school...well let me tell you the first thing that you will realize after stepping in here is that what you actually wanted to do...the lucrative Finance and Mkting jobs might sure lure you to get into a B-school but don’t be surprised if you realize that you were happy with technology and would do anything to get back to it and be miles away from MBA....Ok so I ll not get into the intricacies and facts about what you will discover when you land in an MBA ...that is for the blessed souls to discover themselves...to realize and reap the fruits of their accomplishment who am I to spoil the fun and let the cat out of the bag...

Yeah, so what I thought I will write about instead is a few things that I have learnt and unlearnt in the last one year at this place....in a B-school...just like every institute has something good to teach you something for you to take along with you so has been this institute...The first thing that is notice worthy here is the batch unity....for an external person who is not a part of the system the batch will seem all integrated and frenship flourishing from all sectors from prompting answers from behind when a question is asked in the class by a prof. to helping get a pass grade in the exam...helping get decent scores in a presentation by pre-set and match fixed questions promptly thrown upon the presenter...to generously distributing the solution of assignments to the whole batch 1 hr before the submission...to proxying attendance ....yes, you guessed it right honesty and sincerity are obsolete words here......yeah they are the same kids who were competing against each other in the entrance exam CAT/XAT and in the GD/PI to secure a seat in this place...its amazing to see the batch spirit...at the same time there are these gossiping rounds as well...not to dispense with that...now the next thing you get to learn is that of the survival of the fittest....slightly tilted towards survival of the smartest...yes, you need to be smart to survive in the business world sir not just be fit...that’s an old saying not relevant in today’s world...so why not practise these tactics right from the B-school...oh did I contradict myself here...is it contradicting when I say that there is a good batch spirit with all generous helping hands spread out all over the place...and again when I say only the smart can survive...well so here you are...a place with a bundle of contradictions....yes, B-school you are talking of aren’t you....it is indeed a bundle of contradictions...the more you question the law and the logic the more you will end up confusing yourself...its a place away from the world where no logic rules.....only business rules...A world of business it is after all...frims and fancies....a place where everything glitters...A place where you can unlearn a few things learnt earlier and learn a few new techniques to probably unlearn them in the future....but nevertheless its a place where you enjoy college days...back to good old college days...where marks rule you and you rule over the marks...no bosses here to haunt you over...no more appraisal nightmares...the talks would have now transformed from gossiping about the supervisors to cursing the insane assignments thrown over you by profs....a few courses that you njoy and a few courses that you absolutely hate...grade sheets again!.....college b’day bumps....attack on good food....night outs for assignments as well as movies....

Putting all in just three words...’Coffee and Cream’

Its been a long long time since I have posted anything...I have even started to think that I seem to have nothing to post about..so today I thot let me see what all things can I sit here and write about...the irony is that I always used to think after I join a B-school I shall post everyday about my experiences ...as I will have so much new to write about. Little did I know that I will end up in a schedule where even for taking a breath you need to manage your time...

But look at the paradox here..as such the schedule keeps us so busy that I don’t get to see my roommate for days together at times although we are sharing a room in the hostel and from the last few days we have been absolutely free...and anyone we meet across everyone seems to be complaining of the ample amount of time with nothing to do. But then I am enjoying the leisure...it seems like ages since I have got some time to myself...since I have sat and reiterated on all the things...I had always wished I got some time to myself and today I have all the time for myself...I feel like hugging myself in glee...I am sure my friends are wondering as to how can I spend so much time alone in a room without going out anywhere...but I like spending time with myself...I don’t seem to require any company or going out I don’t know why...

So what have I been doing then all these days being absolutely free...first of all I have started to love this idea of getting up in the morning and telling myself wow absolutely upto me to do whatever I want...no engagements whatsoever....then keep fiddling with my laptop...watch some movies...watch friends...talk to my mother and scrap friends on orkut...catch up with songs...catch up with reading...wish a tv was also here...and spend a lot of time day dreaming...so that’s how I have been spending time...I am sure I can enjoy like this for all the coming days J!!

Apart from this well a year in MBA is going to come to an end very soon...and there have been a few learnings...both ways...good and bad....Bad as in I have realized that when there seems to be no solution for a situation either we have to take the situation as it is without any complaints or fight the situation or just beat it with some tactics...and if you don’t learn to do the latter two then you have to do the former and you end up as a loser...Maybe that’s how life is even...what everybody accepts and raises no voice about ends up becoming a rule and to live through it either you have to accept or beat it...Somehow I have understood how dishonesty and other vices in the society breeds after spending a year in a B-school...somehow the world of business which seemed to look all rosy and nice from far seems to have shown the true ugliness of dishonesty and fraud in its every nook and corner. Now the mantra seems to be “survival of the smartest” in place of “survival of the fittest”. But then there are a few good things also....there is this batch spirit which no one can beat...how we all seem to take all the vices in as a batch and seem to be emerging out of it together. How one person stumbles and there are four hands all ready to pick him up and set him ready to face the storm together with all the vigour.

So, that’s how life’s been so far with a lot of other surprises yet to be unfolded....and a lot of my batchmates seem to be tying the knot this year....so nice to see everyone happy finding life partners and all set to start with their new lives...and let me now again get back to my day dreaming and hopefully delve into better things the next time I post J...

My Best Friend's Wedding....

Its been a decade probably...I don’t remember...just a few shards of the memory of that painful separation just come alive at times...why was it painful even...doesn’t seem so now though..I know she must be happy now starting a new life ...making a new home for herself...stepping into a new world...would be awaiting the new happiness...would she have even thought of me...may be she would have...or atleast let me tell that to myself in order to please me..

Can I call our relationship as a beautiful friendship that we had experienced for 6 long years...I don’t know why but it sounds hollow now...but then yes we were friends...very good friends infact...a few misunderstandings and that had put an end....I am sure we both must have emerged stronger after that but I don’t know about her...although I still dream at times that we both are again together and are again exploring the depth of frenship just as we had done when we were kids...and today I feel so happy for her when I hear that she’s found her soul mate....I wish I was there...wud I have gone for her wedding...but she didn’t invite me...but then even I had not invited her isn’t it!!I guess every relationship that ends just ends because a certain time comes when both parties although willing to yield are not ready to do so because none is aware about the other’s willingness...I still don’t understand how can one erase all the memories of the other and move out of a friendship or any relationship for that matter....but it seems to be so common these days isn’t it...I mean friendship is still nothing...people seem to be walking in and out of all kinds of relationships....may be these things are suppose to be taken sportively!!....like change which is inevitable...but then whatever it is I can’t help myself remember her today and wish for her happiness...

I still remember How I used to tease her till she used to blush all red about what all we all will be doing in her marriage...How we would walk on to the Dias and trouble her husband...what fun we are going to have with her wedding gift...all those discussions then I seem to remember them crystal clear. But, little did we both know then that the day will definitely come in both our lives when we will be standing on the dias but just that the other one will not be there doing all the mischief that we had talked off once...So, that leaves me with just a few heartfelt wishes and a post on my best friend’s wedding.

A practical life

A hurried call of 10 min Just enough to say How was ur day??U too busy now is it??Ok will call you back when I am free..

About 15min off to close your eyes to catch a short nap and realize its been ages since you have called up home...

Hear to a song playing on the TV in the mess while having food and realizing it was once your favourite song for which you used to run and come wherever you were in the house to just get a glimpse of the video...and everyone at home made fun of u....whereas now it plays and you just smile at yourself and continue gulping down some food hurriedly

Remembering the last time you watched a movie with ma and you laughing over the Oscar winning performance of the actors in the movie

The last time you and your brother had a fight over the remote

When was the last time you planned and re-planned over a family trip and only realized that when you set off for the trip all the planning ended up in shambles

Talked for hrs over the phone till you were found sleeping with ur mobile near ur ear in the morning

Last time you fell in love with a song and heard to it over and over again

And when you sit and ponder over the above things a few questions linger in your mind...can there be a life which goes a little slower...where you don’t look at the time and say “Gosh its already time...wish I had a few more hrs in the day”...where you don’t look at ur peer and tell urself “need to work harder...before I am left behind”....where you don’t look for ur family and friends in a list of names in the phonebook of your mobile....where you don’t have to tell your near and dear ones “ll call u back when I am a little free...no time right now...plz understand I have a hectic schedule”...where you work for urself and not for others...where when you are feeling a little low and need a shoulder to lean on u don’t have to end up finding none for either everyone’s far away or you are not near them or simply because they too have as hectic a schedule as you do....a life where people have the time to talk things which isn’t strictly business....a life where things go at a steady pace in which each and everyone has time for everything....where life is not starkly practical in the face as it seems to be...where when you complain you are not said “Now don’t be immature...be practical”...where you don’t need to be called mature and understand that emotions of people have been washed away with the scurrying of people to catch up with the fast moving practical life and they have no time to loose on such silly impractical things...

Sometimes I really wish life had remained as simple as it had been in the earlier days...people earned a small income working in govt offices...returning home every day at 5-6 in the eve spending time with family...not having these high desires of having a LCD or Plasma tv at home or owning a BMW...simply because they just didn’t exist...life must have been filled with so much leisure with the entire family managing to stay close by sharing happiness living life...life wudn’t have been lived as practically as it is being lived by us now...and may be if I had posted a post then with all this stuff no one would have smirked and told me like now “c’mon be practical yaar...what are u cribbing about...now will you leave ur post grad and get back home”...and I ll only heave a sigh and answer “No I ll not....life has to be lived practically afterall...And what have I been doing God how much time did I waste lecturing abt life and its practicality...how stupid!!”

A Taste of Mumbai

I sat leisurely on a couch on one windy day by the window and just let myself drift away …what was I doing…was I dreaming…
A small little flat with a balcony looking over an over-crowded city…teeming with people..wide long roads seeming to stretch endlessly..sky scrapping buildings looking as if a few more storeys and it would touch the sky…a land where the twinking stars announce the start of a new day…the sun rises only to be greeted with a wide grin by the people who have learnt to rise before the sun…a land where everyone greets every other person with a smile travelling together hand in hand…a city where there is unity in diversity where a person cleaning the train and the person managing the intra city railways travel together in a local train side by side sharing newspaper and breakfast…a city where hard work is the only means to earn your day’s meal…a city where life is difficult yet so fulfilling.. A place where every moment you wish to pause time and before you do so another moment passes by...

I smiled to myself and thought what are you dreaming of…the city of dreams…and the city of dreams it was…

Happiness a myth

Please don’t go by the title of the post since I am not intending to target my content of this post anywhere near to the title. Its just that I felt the title just resembles the state of the mind we are in right now just before our first end-term commences and the verdict for this term is declared. When we just started to feel that we feel no more...when we just started to smile and wonder when was the last time we smiled...when we just looked at the clock and wondered will I manage to pull off some sleep before dawn tomm...when 24 hrs seemed to be as unjustified in the day as the marks of our course ....when happiness seemed to be entwined with performance in the courses and seemed like a far away myth...there was a notice there declaring a sentence ...infact another sentence to death...attendance compulsory....Kathakali performance in audi at 7 P.M.
A hue and cry in the batch...statements like “what the hell is going on??”...”Abey end term mein kathakali karne se pass karenge kya?”....”Yaar bas yahi baki tha ab karne ko...seedha goli ya hang kyun nahi kar dete”...and a lot other comments.But notice was from dean office so no one dared to disobey and meek like a mice the batch trotted to the audi at sharp 7 in the evening after re-planning and rescheduling the work to be done for the assignments to be submitted...re-planning the meetings and subtracting another two hrs from the 4 hrs of sleep that you thot u could manage today. The dance started with a brief intro which went conveniently ignored and unheard by the audience...I wonder if few of them even knew that they had come to watch Kathakali and not Bharatnatyam...and then began the show with all the hullabaloo hushed.
And as the performers entered the arena a silence fell through the audience. They were witnessing something that most of them had watched only on our television sets but not in real. The two performers who started the dance sequence dressed in the attire of Kathakali with all the expressions on their faces that you got to watch in real was definitely captivating. And as the dance progressed with the narration of Goddess Sati and Shiva in Kailash not being invited to the ceremonial Yagyan performed by Daksha Sati’s father the audience took in all with plain admiration.And the best part which came in next was the performers getting of the stage and performing right in between the audience which took the audience by surprise and enthralled them to the core .The spellbound audience couldn’t help but just bring down the audi with a standing ovation forgetting about the time imbalance that the event had brought in their busy schedule...forgetting about the impending horror of the monstrous exams waiting to devour them in two days time...forgetting to wait and think if they have the time to smile...forgetting to calculate what effect it will have on my performance in the next exam....everyone just enjoyed, smiled, applauded and washed away all their apprehensions and tension in the mesmerizing event of the kathakali dance...which transformed all the remarks made earlier in the day to a wide grin on the face and a massive admiration for the performers and the institute for making this performance a success. So happiness didn’t seem to be a myth afterall ...may be its just a myth to think so!!

Term 1 Coming to an end

Yes, believe it or not its one term into our path to attain an MBA degree...our two years league yet to be established and fulfilled. Its like yesterday I had been waiting to join XIM and was running about collecting and arranging my documents for the joining formalities to be fulfilled and its already one term coming to an end. With quite a few learnings that have been driven home here we poor mortals wait for the wrath of end-terms to befall us. With the freshers fresh out of college driving us to worry about grades more than we are currently doing and the work ex people driving us to the learning mode and making us focussed more on what you are looking for in the course...and between both these your lone self trying to surpass all this and run away into the glory of your world of njoyment to njoy a peaceful nap...as Eco ma’am would put it in her words “the opportunity cost” that you seem to realize now ...which you had paid by giving up those days of lazing about and sleeping on the weekends and not being on your toes all the time with the endless series of classes, quizzes, assignments and projects hovering above your head all the time.

With the term 1 coming to a close a lot of things seem to have got clearer as to what could have been a better way to manage your term..where exactly you goofed up and why...what you need to target on in the next term which you have missed doing in this term...and all your areas of improvement. Among all the things that term 1 had taught us the biggest thing had been time management I guess....although its still a long way to go before you can declare yourself to have expertised on it...but then it atleast taught you how to manage a whole working day with classes till 9 P.M in the night the next day with a heap of work load of assignments and presentations to go when you had just got around 2 hrs of sleep in the last 24 Hrs and still try to keep ur brain alive and in working condition. A lot others have picked up on networking skills too...its nice to see them having mingled with the batch so easily...a trait that needs conscious effort from your end if you belong to the same kind of specimen as me...but a trait that is indeed a talent and a strength if excelled at.But in all this learning there is something that people have unlearnt here too....could be termed as seriousness..could be termed as honesty. Seriousness because you know if one person in your group is serious about the submission of the assignment within the deadline then the rest of the group seems to relax and sit laid back....and honesty because if one person in the class has studied and come then the rest of the class can party that night since all have acquired the talent of scoring the same marks as the person who had studied the next day.

So, probably somewhere the balance has struck between learning and unlearning resulting in null again.....has it or has it not???..... probably it will get discovered in the days to come!!

Simply Awesome!!

I love that feeling when I walk down the road leading to my hostel from the insti all alone in the darkness of the night ...past midnight...with a cup of coffee in one hand and a packet of chips in other...listening to the silence of the darkness around me...humming a song to myself as the light drizzle of the rain keeps sprinkling over me like holy water being sprayed down from the sky. I love listening to the eerie noise of the insects as I walk down finishing my coffee on the way and sit with my companion ...songs and laptop in my room and spend time with myself...typing down a mail without thinking...just typing down whatever comes to my mind, going thru the blogs of others and peeking a little into each one’s life relating it to mine...sitting idle and just refreshing the past memories and smiling to myself while the melody of the songs keep playing in my ear...looking at the snaps of near and dear ones and feeling them far but still close...painting up new dreams on the canvas of my imaginations and then finally feeling the sleep engulf me and overpower me till I give up on my contentment and get carried away with it.

Hapazard...

Amidst all the hustle bustle ....Amidst all the noise I feel the silence and the vacuum of the distance move stealthily and engulf the passing time.

Time which seems to go at a lightning speed yet slow enough to creep till that moment much waited for seems to be endlessly away .....fading away quickly from sight

Thoughts seem to be lingering far away in that subconscious mind ...deep down somewhere there...just peeking now and then signifying its presence

And I just close my eyes and say just take me away....deep into that land where distance, time and thoughts just seem to fade away

Where is the time??

After another hectic week of quizzes, assignments and presentations finally there is some time today to just sit back and relax a bit. So, here goes my new post ....Its like one of those times when you just feel like typing away on the keyboard not having anything specific to type. You have a whole lot of thots lingering on the top of ur mind yet nothing that you can think of penning down...but still you want to write ...write something down. Doesn’t it happen at times that you just feel like letting urself out....you are so overwhelmed with thots that you just feel like blurting them out somewhere and when you actually find that all your near and dear ones are far away and the only option you have is to sit and pen ur thots down on a paper you just keep holding the pen and nothing seems to surface...

This reminds me of this class presentation of ours which had happened a few days ago. The topic was “Effect of Technology on Communication”. As usual we , a lot of busy bees , started off our preparation for presentation at 2 ‘o clock in the night...working in a group of ten people. Each one of us putting forth numerous ideas and creativity in place and working hard to make it big enough for the class not to doze off and gain atleast a percent of entertainment from it if not wisdom. We worked almost the entire night searching for videos , information, brainstorming on various role plays and finally came up with the final presentation....which only ended up with the projector not working in the class and we trying to manage inspite of it. Now the irony of the situation is that ten of us worked hard to make the presentation and the slides but none of us actually sat down to take out time and communicate on a lighter note among ourselves in person...we were all busy trying to get done with the work and catch some sleep considering that sleep is a very rare commodity in a B-school. And after the presentation one comment given by our instructor brought a second’s stroke of thot passing each and everyone’s face in the class....when she said “ We say technology has improved and world has become a smaller place...we can easily contact our near and dear ones within seconds thru mobiles, e-mails etc but don’t you think the smaller the world is becoming in terms of technology getting us closer the larger are the distances becoming in terms of emotional distances” ...the statement is so true...distances definitely do make a difference. No matter how much you try to maintain contact thru the technology the gap is always there. There is no substitute for you meeting in person...feeling their touch...seeing them smile...their expressions..their concern when you sit close to them and speak face to face. And more than that I guess the compromise that we do with our relationships blaming the busy schedule is what again a matter to brood on.

Like, I just cut down on my calls to home bcoz I thot I was running short of time bcoz of my schedule. My friend stopped coming online because she was not finding time out of her office tasks. So technology making world a smaller place where does it come into picture...if we can compromise on tedious tasks of letter writing and e-mailing and go for chatting and voice conferencing in keeping in touch we can also compromise on relations by looking for more shorter ways of communicating by saying that we are short of time. So, even if the physical distance is cut down upon with technology in place in order to make use of the same to bring down the emotional distances as well is to spare some time....and I guess there cannot be any technology here which can be sought for in order to find a shortcut. So when I sit here and think I wish there was someone here I could just talk out to the answer I wud get in return wud be the same as I wud have given “Where is the time?”

Settling with the unsettlement

Yes, so now we the PGDM batch of 2008 are beginning to settle down I guess what... with the first outing trip of the batch in the midst of the hectic schedule and with two tests to go off tomm...if you are getting me wrong here..then let me correct you. No, it doesn’t mean we have mastered as to how to manage time and as to how to deal with the seven courses on hand this trimester. Its just that we have stopped complaining...we have accepted that a few words like a peaceful sleep, sitting down to relish some food, lazing about in those early hrs of the morning, day-dreaming (for that matter dreaming in the nights also), a nice long walk, listening to a nice lovely song over and over again have all become those unattainable and unheard dreams. Yes, we have finished our mid-terms that brings us to exactly half way of the first term and we have I guess successfully learnt now to settle with the unsettlement..a deal struck there...and signed.
Talking about the courses, seven courses to be mastered over in this trimester.... Can’t really talk about all in this post ....starting with Financial Accounting...favourite course of the batch. Although its that number crunching and ultra confusing course where you don’t know which side of the balancing equation does your financial item find a place and the balancing of the equations reminds you of those chemistry equations which we were cribbing to balance in our childhood. Somehow the accounting equations take me back to the suburbs of fourth – fifth standard where a balanced eq was the next biggest achievement nxt to that of Einstien’s.
Coming to the next course which is on of my fav....Economics.Now why do I like that course...well, its as good as giving an answer to the question as to why do I like chocolates.Probably I like the simplicity the course has about it. Simplicity as in what the course teaches you is everything that you have always known but you never knew the logic behind how the things took place. Its like rediscovering everything all over again....understanding the logic behind the whole lot of things.So, these are the two courses which have so far won me over and I have fallen for. Other courses include communication which is the only class where you can manage to yawn, sleep, njoy and do everything that you have always wanted to do when a heavy class is going on. Its another of our favourite classes because not only the course is light but the way ma’am handles it actually helps you to relax and put up a smile and listen to the class. And four other courses added to the term HRM,MC,QM and OB....adding stars to the already hectic schedule. And the binary digit marks acquired now and then are the added flavours to the schedule. But the best part of doing an MBA apart from the challenging courses are the group assignments and other group activities where in you get to do a lot of learning from the other people in your batch...the networking ability that you develop....something that every MBAite tries to add to their pool of talents.And what with the unending series of tests,quizzes, assignments and presentations.....the only thing that can be said...the higher the unsettlement the more the fun and the more the settlement with the same J.

And I said...

Will you let me hold your hand...

And all that he did was just smile and say...

Let me hold on to yours....