God Sent....

He was just a few hrs old when I first got to look at him...I saw him and I thot gosh if I put my two palms together he can just fit into them...so tiny he was...

Ever since then whenever I look at him or hear him speak those big philosophical statements or making those big career decisions I picturize that tiny little tod whom I used to forcibly get into that one piece head to toe fit and decorate him like a doll stealthily when my mother took off for a bath or left him unattended for a while and was spanked hard for doing that geopardizing breaking his neck...but the amazing thing was that he would just keep looking at me with those big innocent baby eyes while I was forcing him into the outfit and never even utter a sound of pain or discomfort...that was my little brother...he has always been that little for me ever since...

He would just crawl to me when I got back from school in class two and get back to home being carried by me...I would secretly get lollipop for him when he was allowed to have only baby food and make him lick it..... and he would lick it with a world of eagerness as if it was a drop of heaven that I got for him...

He was warned that he can’t come near me because I had chicken pox when he was one and half yrs old and when my parents were not looking he would come and stand near the door looking at me scared...wishing with those innocent eyes again that I get well soon...and run away as soon as he would see anyone coming and when he was scolded he would explain in his broken baby talk that chicken pox cudn’t jump over him as he ran away in time...

The way we used to fight and drive my mother crazy...

The day when my father came home and told me my Intermediate Board results and that I would be securing a seat in BITS and inspite of having a physical broom stick weaponed fight...which broke the broom stick into two and let my mother bring down the roof on us...my little brother who had vowed never to see my face again in his entire life..just heard my father announce the results and came and sat quietly beside me tugging at my arm...again his innocent eyes looking at me and earnestly hearing my father say and understand that I will have to leave home for 4 years...

I would truble him tease him and eat his part of the goodies and when he would cry and I get spanked and beaten up for the mischief...he would look at me through tears ...wipe his tears away and tell my father...its ok papa she will not do it again...

The scared look in his eyes when he would be watching Harry Porter at night with me instead of preparing for IIT and hear a sound imagining that my father or mother will come out to drink water and catch hold of him...

The irritated look that he gave me when I uttered something stupid or irritated him...the give up look he would give me when it came to my GK....and the supporting look that he would always give when I gave it up and said I can’t do it...

And the day when he took the thali for welcoming his sister’s bridegroom home...my little brother again...the look in his eyes bidding me goodbye after the wedding....

My brother 6 yrs younger to me....has always been and will always be that same little innocent toddler for me...yet just yesterday he told me just these four words “ Di, you make me proud”...I don’t know what made him say that....probably because this time I wasn’t near to look into his eyes....but it just overwhelmed me and I wondered ....my little brother ...just like I look down at him as the same little tiny person who could fit in my palms...his eyes have always looked up at me...right from the first time he called me by my name as a kid before he uttered mama or papa...And what can I say except that its true when people say siblings are just another way of God telling you that they are always there with you as your reflection....

Gratitude.....

Two incidents come to my mind today as I sit posting on this blog :

Incident 1 :

School admission for class 8^th. The principal of the school telling my father ...”Oh no sir you don’t realize she has no city school experience...she doesn’t know English also properly...and we have seats available only for Sanskrit second language....which she has never taken earlier...she will fail in 8^th as well as Xth board”...

And the my father answering “ I assure you sir she will manage and she will manage it well”...

And I managed to score 100% in Xth Board exam in Sanskrit and Two Gold Medals in Xth Board

Incident 2:

MBA admission. My father requesting Dean to postpone my joining by few days as the day of my wedding and joining were on the same day. The dean’s response to my father’s request “...You don’t realize sir....your daughter will face a very tough curriculum here...will she be able to manage MBA with marriage at a time...that too joining late”.

My Father’s response again “ I assure you sir she will manage and she will manage it well”...

And I managed again this time....but the credit does not go to me but to that one person who forms my world...My Husband...

And next to God for correcting this one wrong decision of mine by blessing me with my dream job in Finance in the same city as my Husband inspite of that being the only company on campus offering the location where my husband is posted.

A Yearning....

Today all of a sudden I don’t know why I am remembering home so much. Its been two years since I left home. Two years since I had been so paranoid to get thru MBA in someplace. Now I wonder, did I ever realize it then what would it mean. Did I think at that time that it would mean I have to spend two years away from all the luxury of home cooked food and comfort of my mom when I was down, comfort of my sleeping lazily in my room where everyone was so hell bent on me getting up and having food on time, when I would come back from office and my mom would open the door worried asking me what kept me so late...and complain about how can corporate job be so taxing, where me and my brother would browse thru all the tv channels and comment over every silly thing we come across breaking down to peals of laughter, bugging my father to take us for dinner in expensive restaurants whenever his salary for the month is credited, gazing at electronic items with my father and brother in different stores till mom screamed with irritation, escaping out just when the slightest hint of some errand at home is going to befall on u, ordering mom to cook ur favourite dish and hogging over it, complaining abt anything and everything in the world to your parents and knowing that you will get full support from them no matter what or who is wrong, venting out ur irritation on the first person u find and getting a thwacking which later is dissolved with some good bribery...the list is just endless.

I am wondering how people who have gone abroad for work or studies manage. Don’t they have such moments of emotional yearning to just leave behind everything and go home. Home the word itself sounds so soothing to ears. I remember I always used to mock at my mother for missing her home which she has left since about 28 years since the time she got married and moved with my father . I always used to say she is being irrational when she calls grandpa’s house as her house whereas her house is this. Now, I think may be 30 yrs from now I will still be feeling the same yearning that I am feeling rt now...Afterall home is home the sweetest place in the world, the place which keeps all your childhood memories with it, the place which is always there with open arms inviting you making you yearn to just go there and embrace it, the place which you eventually one day have to leave but which always lives with you wherever you go...I just wish I was at home now.

Since age five....

I was just watching this episode of friends today where one of the girl characters of the serial is getting married and she wants everything to be perfect on her marriage and the guys are unable to understand as to why is she making such a big fuss about every tiny thing that she wants to be perfect and not try to yield and compromise with the next best option. This reminded of my work place where I used to work earlier before joining MBA...there was this friend of ours who was getting married then and we girls we so very excited for her and each of us pooled in money to buy her the best of gifts possible. She was the first one among our friends circle in office to get married and we spent hours discussing as to what would be the right gifts for her...we wanted to bid her with a nice farewell party and the guys were just unable to appreciate the entire thing ...they were like yeah she is getting married so what’s the big deal...why so much of excitement...what is the big thing that she is going for...back then we girls were all dumbfounded and we never could get back at the boys for ridiculing all our arrangements and excitements...

But when I was watching the serial the reply that the girls gave to the guys just left me thinking....In the serial Monica retorted when her brother who was getting married was frustrated that the bride wanted everything to be perfect and was making a big fuss about everything...all that she said was “ How long have you been preparing for your wedding”..he said about 6-7 months and she said “you know from how long she has been thinking of her wedding ...since she was 5 yrs old”...and this statement of Monica’s just struck me...actually to think about it...you see a girl of age five or even less the only thing you see her doing is planning for the wedding of her dolls...she tries to have the perfect wedding for her doll picturising herself seeing her image or a part of herself in the doll and she grows so does the dream does along with her...she always dreams herself in that bridal dress with all the bridal accessories on her ...that special day of her lives which she would want to be just perfect and nothing else...even a small thing like leaving the home by doing the ritual of pouring the rice in your mothers saree pallu would also be very special for her...she would dream of an entire different life which she would be entering into after the very day of her wedding...even the sillest thing like putting mehendi uptill which exact point of her hand she would have dreamt about...even the stupidest detail as to how many bangles she would like to put on she would have taken ages to figure out... even the idea of wearing the ring of her fiancée would be her most cherished moment

Guys today argue that what’s the big deal as everyone is working the guys are also leaving far from home and so are the girls and a wedding is in no way taking the girl away from her home or her parents more than the guys nor does the girl have any problems to adjust at her new place among new people as the couple leave for their place of work immediately after the wedding or the in laws have actually become very broad minded with the changing generations. Whatever the argument the fact of a girl always have dreamt of her new home..the perfect one with the single most detail planned as to what the color of the walls would be would never be so with the guy...how much ever casual today’s generation has become this fact will always remain true as Monica said guys would never understand as they can never imagine themselves in the bridal wear walking down the aisle since they were five years old...dreaming about how your home would be with your partner...being ready to transform and change stepping into a new changed life where even a different name is acceptable to you... they just never can

There is this movie fashion that I simply have no words to describe...after ages I have found another movie that I can go on watching an endless number of times...it sure does come in the league of other movies of Madhur Bhandarkar... I must say he just makes these amazing movies...even the other movie of his that is page 3 it was just as beautiful as this one...generally I always prefer reading a book rather than watch a movie...but its some movies like these that I just get sold to...

Movies like fashion, Page 3 and other movies I guess cannot really be appreciated by everyone. They have these intense emotions picturised in these movies which is way different from the other light hearted commercial movies that the general public movies. But I don’t know why I fall for these heavy movies and its really amazing that each time I watch these movies I not only fall more in love with them but I have a whole new set of thoughts and perspectives that revolve around the movie and the characters in the movie in my mind. I really love the high amount of confidence that he portrays in the characters of his movies that kind of oozes out of them and kind of touches you and spreads to you when you watch them...all his characters are these women whom you truely can term as women of substance with umpteen amount of confidence, maturity and an independent attitude which you just cannot fail appreciating. And fashion would earn probably a few points more for its marvellous blend of music as well....I am so glad I finally ended up with a copy of Fashion today and now I can watch it whenever I feel a little low

Its so amazing when you have all this leisure time to yourself when you can just watch your favourite movies all night alone on your laptop with absolutely no one to disturb you and you can go through the entire emotional sequence all by yourself and post about it and go to sleep playing songs all night on your laptop till the charge of the battery goes down...it feels so great after exams!!

Friends the serial :D

When I am down and think I have hit rock bottom I watch friends

When I am angry with life I watch friends

When I feel lost I watch friends

When I feel elated I watch friends

When I feel lonely I watch friends

When I take a break from my schedule I watch friends

When I am bored I watch friends

And now when I am frowning for not being able to go home after my exams I am watching FRIENDS....wonderful serial...just have no words for it J J!!

Heading towards more hollowness...

I had been thinking to post about this since a long time and have just not been finding time to. Usually when I experience something and think of writing about it and postpone it I end up forgetting the incident and don’t post it. But this time I guess I just haven’t been able to forget the experience of that day. It was actually a very simple day like any other day...just that it was special for me as staying in a hostel doing an MBA amidst this vast clutter of events you take one whole min. to recollect your name so forget about taking out time to be with family. Thus that one day that I was spending at home was special in a way.

It was a fine Sunday evening and everyone was having a day off from work just lazing around.Now, as usual I always love being a silent spectator and listen to other’s conversation ...rarely I actively involve myself...so I was just doing my usual part of being a silent listener and then it suddenly struck me that we have all been discussing from a long time about a street dog. My mother in law was narrating her experience while she was staying at rent in Cuttack, a city in Orissa. She was talking about a colony dog basically it had so happened that a dog gave birth to a puppy and died and all the people in the colony didn’t have the heart to see the puppy die so they took care of the puppy and each of the them took turns in feeding the puppy. The puppy became such a favourite of the colony that whenever in anyone’s house in that colony there used to be a celebration, b’day or something that day the puppy was fed with royal food...whenever a delicacy was made in anyone’s house a share was kept aside for the puppy too. All the colony members even happened to gather and try naming the puppy... Then it so happened that one hot afternoon the puppy was nowhere to be seen. A chaos was there in the colony...people went out in search of the puppy...housewives couldn’t sleep and eat in peace....children too missed the puppy. Finally after three days someone found the puppy in another colony and gave the happy news.

It was amazing to hear how people in small localities located in small cities develop attachments and develop such emotions. I am not sure if such things can take place in big big Metros between all that glamour of lucrative 14 hrs job. This story probably just fascinated me because when I am in hostel I keep hearing to discussions about job recession, what electives are needed to take up an elective, at how much compensation should one opt for a job, how come that person got more marks then someone, how are people trying to influence the professors to earn some extra marks or know some questions coming in the exam, how should we try and do brand building, a row over why should it should be compulsory to attend any talks, which company tiers our institute at what level, who has got thru some competition or PPO, how have some people got to know answers for exercises and are not posting for the benefit of the batch, how to get back at some group for ruining your presentation the other day, .....and the list goes on.

To listen to all this and then hear to a complete different discussion on a different plane altogether sounds so fascinating. All these emotionless discussions of ours revolving around big bucks all the time sound so hollow somehow. We are everyday trying to develop ourselves in some way by going for a higher education which is good in someway but in the process I hope we are not mechanizing our emotions. I am just imagining what will happen when we are stuck with some big dream jobs ...leading a life in which 3/4^th time is spent at work ...will we have time for such attachments...how would that life be ...without any place and time to develop such emotions...completely hollow...do people realize ever it ever...or is it that they don’t even have time to realize it ...or do they conveniently term it as “what a waste of time” or “How ridiculous” and do away with it....And what will happen one day a few years down at the dining table on a lazy Sunday..will the discussions start with “when I was at work one day there this fellow who was such a rogue...he literally influenced the boss and got a promotion etc etc “..........will we ever have conversations on such small fascinating incidents...Are we all moulding ourselves to lead a hollow life...sigh!!

Who Care's.....

I look at some individuals and wonder at times how must these people be defining the word “feelings”....Do they ever feel for anyone...feel in the sense does it ever occur to them that if I said this or did this in what way would I affect the other individual...does this thot ever pass their subconscious mind...forget abt consciousness...but at the same time I don’t know why I appreciate this attitude also...I appreciate the way these individuals that total I-care-two-hoots attitude...it must be saving such a lot of their time and mental peace in not trying artificially to be nice or good to others...so much of their time is saved in not wondering if what they said or did did it make them get into the bad book of the other person...these newly coined words “attitude” , “maturity” , “practical” and “boldness” in our generation..I somehow do appreciate those people who have these qualities in them....I mean just imagine if all of us would just do what we feel is right not really caring abt what others think till we are within limits of not doing atrociously unthinkable deeds falling on the socially unacceptable parameters....say I don’t believe in performing 100 pujas or a simple thing like if I had non-veg I shouldn’t be visiting temple on that particular day...I mean why on earth my eating habit should be a constraint on me to not remember God on some day...let me visit the temple on any day I wish to...afterall I am visiting the temple to earn some mental peace so why these restrictions...why fast on puja days...how does me being hungry result in greater good...what is the logic to it...why shudn’t I just plain sit and pray to God the way I like without punishing myself by keeping myself hungry and why can’t that result in prosperity for urself and others....

I am glad a lot of these things are not being cared by the younger generation...yeah may be feelings are getting eroded away...may be all this has always been done to make the elderly feel the control and respect by us following their set rules and traditions...but it definitely results in saving on a lot of our mental peace. Half the time I had seen housewives in and around me gossip about every dog and cat too if they can spot one on the road at the time of their gossiping...and today’s generation doesn’t care a pence on how someone is leading his or her life...or what who had told them which was against them or not in their favour....simply put who cares there are thousand other things for me to bother about.

Sometimes I seriously think yes this technology intense generation of ours...ambitious blood...although criticized for having the maximum no. Of break ups and divorces are all definitely leading a better quality of life . I mean yeah, so why shudn’t there be a break up between two people not compatible and not happy...who cares what society thinks...finally its their mental peace which is at stake....

All this sounds so logical and practical to us when we take examples like these...but somewhere still there is a flaw...where can there be a flaw....something still seems wrong in this rationale......what can that be...

Could it be that isn’t the logical end to all this in someway is loneliness......estrangement....solitude. Will the generation tomm have a logic to defy this also...can this also be overcome with rationale...

Why MBA?

Recently one of my cousin’s saw me online at 4:30 A.M in the morning and pinged me asking “What’s up?” and as usual my reply was “Dying”....and he was like “why the hell do u guys work so hard...you literally scare me to opt for MBA...why do people ever do MBA if it requires so much of ur mental peace?”...and I was like “well good question, if u r not able to find the most suitable way to commit suicide then join MBA”...having said that I logged off and continued with my marketing assignment on which I had already spent 48 hrs of labour...yes, when I say 48 hrs it is 48 hrs straight of sleepless time spent on the assignment...

Definitely that wasn’t the best time to ask me as to why MBA if it requires so much of ur perseverance and effort...but yeah, its true it requires a lot of time management...and when I mean time management I mean sleep...u need to have the stamina or rather I shud say u develop the stamina to stay awake for 24 hr stretches at time...if required even for days together...you would see most of us online 24*7....but then behind all the cribbing there is a sense of satisfaction...today if someone asks me the same question as to why MBA I wud answer just in one word...”satisfaction”...well if it sounds ambiguous then I can only say then may be you should not be considering an MBA afterall....

There are people who find satisfaction in earning huge bucks at the end of their degree...and if there is a recession they regret their decision for doing MBA...there are people who just do an MBA because they just want to elongate their college days by another two yrs and postpone the heavy mind boggling decisions of career and all till as long as they can....there are also people who are dissatisfied with their jobs and try changing their careers by doing an MBA...afterall grass looks greener on the other side...but among all these people whichever category you belong to you definitely one day pat urself for taking the decision of doing an MBA provided you earn satisfaction out of it...you earn satisfaction out of the curriculum...the busy schedule..the never ending session of classes that can start as early as 7 in the morning and continue till 12 in the night with an assign submission following the nxt day...the mere toil that goes in...the sleepless nights that go in...the toughness of the schedule...the extent to which you can stretch yourself...all this have to induce and imbibe a sense of satisfaction in you....you can only appreciate the entire thing only when you feel spent at the end of the day and feel sleep overpowering you ....only to close your eyes with a sense of accomplishment. That is what MBA gives you....the sense of accomplishment...sense of satisfaction...a mode to re-discover your potential...a sense to re-discover new ambitions...a place where you find a new definition to ethics and develop your own set of morals...

If you ask me I would also stand by the statement that MBA is not for everyone. Earlier when I used to prepare for these MBA entrances I always used to argue saying what do u mean by u need to make a difference..what do u mean by saying MBA is not for everyone...its people like us who make it there...but after having joined the course I wud say for being an MBAite you certainly need a different kind of aptitude...in other words you need immense inner strength a little of it which you would need prior to MBA and most of it which wud develop during the course...

Another beautiful thing that I have discovered about the course is that the students have immense self confidence in themselves...they don’t question themselves even once about their individuality...each one here is an individual in their entirety...the sense of individualism that comes from MBA...

That doesn’t mean there aren’t people who haven’t adopted shorter means and “extra talented “ ways to achieve the same thing for which you might have spent two sleepless nights. That is the beauty of the course...you have innumerable options...you have shortcuts available as well..it all depends on what do u derive your satisfaction of...MBA is unique...its a tool which you can either use to nourish your inner strength ....build your confidence or boost your ego...and mind you both aren’t the same....but whatever it is just like any other institute where toiling hard reaps its results ....just that the results are not something that can be seen but are subjective and are to be felt in terms of satisfaction that you earn out of them....just as I started the post with.... yes, MBA is a means to commit suicide but the beauty of it is that you yourself search the various means discover the hurdles and you derive pleasure when u find urself up and alive ready to face the next hurdle...only if u can develop the right attitude to do this you can truly appreciate the essence of an MBA otherwise like any other degree MBA might just end with a black robe and a ribbon tied sheet of paper.

Reverie

There is something about this silence that I like...

There is something about this darkness that I like...

A light melody playing on my laptop breaking through the silence of the night..

I have always liked the eerie silence and blackened darkness of the night. The beauty of the tiny lights glittering in the black velvety canvass of the night is always a captivating sight to watch. And to add to the bliss a light music to break through the silence playing in the background echoing into the night. A light drizzle ...the drops of rain sounding crystal clear in the silence splashing on the dry ground leaving a blend of sweet nauseating smell ........A smell that reminds you of your childhood, reminds you of your mom running after you in the rain reprimanding you for getting wet...reminds you of the days when running around playing in the rain was termed playful and not eccentric as it would be termed now....making you wish to just get back to those childhood days...

Probably night has always appealed to me because its the only time when you are free of all day to day hassles and get some leisure . Its the time when you can look back on to the day and smile over your accomplishments...frown over your pitfalls...set new milestones.....Its the time when the realization of you being to yourself dawns...when you can get lost in the maze of your thoughts and do not feel the presence of any being around you intruding into the arena of your world..when you can do things at your own pace not worried about falling short of others moving fast ahead of you...when you have time to miss your near and dear ones ... When you have purity of air around you unadulterated as in the day...when you can look at the tweak of light breaking through the gap in the window pane and build hope.....when the stars glistening in the night sky overwhelm you and rejuvenate your spirits...... when you can be overpowered by sleep regardless of anything and everything around you...regardless of the fact that tomm again you have to get up and run to catch up with the fast pace of the world...when the unconscious slumber grips you by the arm and carries you to a land of dreams beyond the stars promising all your desires to be fulfilled with a blink of your eyes....

A Hearty laugh!!

I am posting after a long long time…all these days what has been happening..well umpteen number of things..and each time I think of posting the next incident baffles me and I just loose track of what all things were on the list to be posted…
Offlate I have been again witnessing a bit of corporate world..which makes me all the more yearn for the life I led earlier as a simple software engineer…looks like the higher the ambitions you have the more you got to be prepared to face the brunt of complicate things. So, I met this business tycoon..yeah a business tycoon who impresses one and all when he speaks…inspiring the innocent and ambitious who are at the bottom of the ladder..making the other peers envy ur opportunity to work with him ….winning the gaping awe of the student stepping into a seven star grand hotel maneuvering her way through the endless entrances with aproned waiters smiling down at you….and something inside you urging you to just run away from that posh grandeur…a sense of uncomfort…a sense of nervousness..what do I tell him…what do I speak to him. And finally when the meeting gets over …a sigh of relief…thank God its over. It must be so easy for them to speak their mind…afterall a business tycoon…it must be so very easy for them to manipulate things…afterall the others are they clever enough to judge what’s behind their mind.
How well they speak…a sugar coated word of praise from them sounds so overwhelming…probably succeeds in covering their real intentions….a mild rebuke…so mild that you have to wonder twice that did it mean anything or am I getting it wrong. Yes, I met such a business tycoon…or rather I was honored to have the opportunity to meet someone so high a stature. And after the whole baffling meet I laughed…the only thing I could do…isn’t it astonishing…the same person from whom I was fearing…I was nervous …became a laughing stock for me…yes, the fear was gone and it was replaced with sympathy and laughter. I always feel pity at people who think that they are very clever…and sadly the politicians and business tycoons are the prime most examples of this…
Thankfully a three years of taste of corporate world has provided me with one percent ability to judge what the real intention behind a particular behavior is. But it seems so paradoxical at times…these business tycoons who are good at commanding respect and imbibing nervousness in others finally end up ruining their own image more often than not….but yes a few people do call it as shrewdness and appreciate it as well and a few other immature people in business world like me call it as foolishness and laugh over it bcoz they fail to understand what harm it would have done to them had they handled the matter by being straight forward about it. The whole industry is in a financial crunch and anyone will perfectly understand a cost cutting strategy…why lie abt it and try enacting that bad performance is the cause of cost cutting….why not be straightforward abt it and leave the decision to the candidate if he/she wants to work with you or pursue their luck elsewhere… and shouldn't it be the most disrespectful and humiliating thing to make a well qualified person work and then say that sorry I can't pay you...what am I saying for us middle class honest people it is since we know what it takes to earn money and qualifications...for business tycoons..... arey they are filthy rich try to understand...you got to be mature enough I tell you !!
This so called shrewd behavior definitely imbibes laughter in you if not anything else….imagine the next time you hear about the business tycoon on TV or from friends will it not bring a smile over your face remembering the K-serial plot he had played on you just to hide his inability to pay you. Sometimes I wonder do these people ever realize what they have lost in the process of building up their bank balances….recently I was stranded all alone in a shopping mall waiting all day long for my husband to finish his work and come over…and a posh mall that it was I had just enough money in my purse for probably the lowest priced item being sold over there. So I could only spend my time looking at people and amusing myself…I really get amused when I see these fashion show type dressed woman strolling with their small two yr old little kids talking to them in American accent….these kind of spectacles induces in me unfailingly as much laughter as the business tycoons business strategies…someday I am sure I will be beaten up for laughing out aloud…..but thanks to these people had it not been for them we would have had no jobs today…its because of these people’s investments that we earn our bread and butter.
But really don’t these people miss having fun wearing loose clothes in summers…with kids running around all over the mall getting into everyone’s path and bringing smile over everyone’s faces instead of learning American etiquettes ….don’t they miss the 10 Rs. Corn being sold on the roadside instead of that 200 Rs. Processed frozen corn….don’t the business tycoons enjoy the dhabawala’s 70 Rs Tandoori instead of 1500 Rs. Tandoori in a seven star hotel….it is definitely a matter to sympathize with but then when I see them complicate their life with so much glee on their faces and the self proclaimed status of belonging to the upper class I can’t help but have a hearty laugh.

’Coffee and Cream’

The pace at which I am posting these days and reading other’s posts as well sometimes really requires me to rake my brain to remember the right URL to my blog..well there was a day when I used to sit in my cubicle at my workplace and think one day when I am enrolled in a B-school and I am doing my dream course MBA I will have so many interesting things to write about that my blog will be filled with posts...that is when I will regularly sit around and keep posting on my blog left and right...and today here I am in a B-school hardly even visiting my blog...forget about posting I don’t even have time to read other’s posts...

So coming to the B-school bandwagon ...yeah bandwagon it is...if it were not then why would so many applicants be seen filling in forms day in and day out trying desperately to get out of what they think as a stagnated boring job to find peace and solace in a B-school...well let me tell you the first thing that you will realize after stepping in here is that what you actually wanted to do...the lucrative Finance and Mkting jobs might sure lure you to get into a B-school but don’t be surprised if you realize that you were happy with technology and would do anything to get back to it and be miles away from MBA....Ok so I ll not get into the intricacies and facts about what you will discover when you land in an MBA ...that is for the blessed souls to discover themselves...to realize and reap the fruits of their accomplishment who am I to spoil the fun and let the cat out of the bag...

Yeah, so what I thought I will write about instead is a few things that I have learnt and unlearnt in the last one year at this place....in a B-school...just like every institute has something good to teach you something for you to take along with you so has been this institute...The first thing that is notice worthy here is the batch unity....for an external person who is not a part of the system the batch will seem all integrated and frenship flourishing from all sectors from prompting answers from behind when a question is asked in the class by a prof. to helping get a pass grade in the exam...helping get decent scores in a presentation by pre-set and match fixed questions promptly thrown upon the presenter...to generously distributing the solution of assignments to the whole batch 1 hr before the submission...to proxying attendance ....yes, you guessed it right honesty and sincerity are obsolete words here......yeah they are the same kids who were competing against each other in the entrance exam CAT/XAT and in the GD/PI to secure a seat in this place...its amazing to see the batch spirit...at the same time there are these gossiping rounds as well...not to dispense with that...now the next thing you get to learn is that of the survival of the fittest....slightly tilted towards survival of the smartest...yes, you need to be smart to survive in the business world sir not just be fit...that’s an old saying not relevant in today’s world...so why not practise these tactics right from the B-school...oh did I contradict myself here...is it contradicting when I say that there is a good batch spirit with all generous helping hands spread out all over the place...and again when I say only the smart can survive...well so here you are...a place with a bundle of contradictions....yes, B-school you are talking of aren’t you....it is indeed a bundle of contradictions...the more you question the law and the logic the more you will end up confusing yourself...its a place away from the world where no logic rules.....only business rules...A world of business it is after all...frims and fancies....a place where everything glitters...A place where you can unlearn a few things learnt earlier and learn a few new techniques to probably unlearn them in the future....but nevertheless its a place where you enjoy college days...back to good old college days...where marks rule you and you rule over the marks...no bosses here to haunt you over...no more appraisal nightmares...the talks would have now transformed from gossiping about the supervisors to cursing the insane assignments thrown over you by profs....a few courses that you njoy and a few courses that you absolutely hate...grade sheets again!.....college b’day bumps....attack on good food....night outs for assignments as well as movies....

Putting all in just three words...’Coffee and Cream’

Its been a long long time since I have posted anything...I have even started to think that I seem to have nothing to post about..so today I thot let me see what all things can I sit here and write about...the irony is that I always used to think after I join a B-school I shall post everyday about my experiences ...as I will have so much new to write about. Little did I know that I will end up in a schedule where even for taking a breath you need to manage your time...

But look at the paradox here..as such the schedule keeps us so busy that I don’t get to see my roommate for days together at times although we are sharing a room in the hostel and from the last few days we have been absolutely free...and anyone we meet across everyone seems to be complaining of the ample amount of time with nothing to do. But then I am enjoying the leisure...it seems like ages since I have got some time to myself...since I have sat and reiterated on all the things...I had always wished I got some time to myself and today I have all the time for myself...I feel like hugging myself in glee...I am sure my friends are wondering as to how can I spend so much time alone in a room without going out anywhere...but I like spending time with myself...I don’t seem to require any company or going out I don’t know why...

So what have I been doing then all these days being absolutely free...first of all I have started to love this idea of getting up in the morning and telling myself wow absolutely upto me to do whatever I want...no engagements whatsoever....then keep fiddling with my laptop...watch some movies...watch friends...talk to my mother and scrap friends on orkut...catch up with songs...catch up with reading...wish a tv was also here...and spend a lot of time day dreaming...so that’s how I have been spending time...I am sure I can enjoy like this for all the coming days J!!

Apart from this well a year in MBA is going to come to an end very soon...and there have been a few learnings...both ways...good and bad....Bad as in I have realized that when there seems to be no solution for a situation either we have to take the situation as it is without any complaints or fight the situation or just beat it with some tactics...and if you don’t learn to do the latter two then you have to do the former and you end up as a loser...Maybe that’s how life is even...what everybody accepts and raises no voice about ends up becoming a rule and to live through it either you have to accept or beat it...Somehow I have understood how dishonesty and other vices in the society breeds after spending a year in a B-school...somehow the world of business which seemed to look all rosy and nice from far seems to have shown the true ugliness of dishonesty and fraud in its every nook and corner. Now the mantra seems to be “survival of the smartest” in place of “survival of the fittest”. But then there are a few good things also....there is this batch spirit which no one can beat...how we all seem to take all the vices in as a batch and seem to be emerging out of it together. How one person stumbles and there are four hands all ready to pick him up and set him ready to face the storm together with all the vigour.

So, that’s how life’s been so far with a lot of other surprises yet to be unfolded....and a lot of my batchmates seem to be tying the knot this year....so nice to see everyone happy finding life partners and all set to start with their new lives...and let me now again get back to my day dreaming and hopefully delve into better things the next time I post J...

My Best Friend's Wedding....

Its been a decade probably...I don’t remember...just a few shards of the memory of that painful separation just come alive at times...why was it painful even...doesn’t seem so now though..I know she must be happy now starting a new life ...making a new home for herself...stepping into a new world...would be awaiting the new happiness...would she have even thought of me...may be she would have...or atleast let me tell that to myself in order to please me..

Can I call our relationship as a beautiful friendship that we had experienced for 6 long years...I don’t know why but it sounds hollow now...but then yes we were friends...very good friends infact...a few misunderstandings and that had put an end....I am sure we both must have emerged stronger after that but I don’t know about her...although I still dream at times that we both are again together and are again exploring the depth of frenship just as we had done when we were kids...and today I feel so happy for her when I hear that she’s found her soul mate....I wish I was there...wud I have gone for her wedding...but she didn’t invite me...but then even I had not invited her isn’t it!!I guess every relationship that ends just ends because a certain time comes when both parties although willing to yield are not ready to do so because none is aware about the other’s willingness...I still don’t understand how can one erase all the memories of the other and move out of a friendship or any relationship for that matter....but it seems to be so common these days isn’t it...I mean friendship is still nothing...people seem to be walking in and out of all kinds of relationships....may be these things are suppose to be taken sportively!!....like change which is inevitable...but then whatever it is I can’t help myself remember her today and wish for her happiness...

I still remember How I used to tease her till she used to blush all red about what all we all will be doing in her marriage...How we would walk on to the Dias and trouble her husband...what fun we are going to have with her wedding gift...all those discussions then I seem to remember them crystal clear. But, little did we both know then that the day will definitely come in both our lives when we will be standing on the dias but just that the other one will not be there doing all the mischief that we had talked off once...So, that leaves me with just a few heartfelt wishes and a post on my best friend’s wedding.