My Best Time in the day!!

So as the title of the post goes let me describe the most favorite part of my day.....daily.....my so called "me time".....

So the alarm goes off.....and everyday....mind you every day I wake up to think how can it be 7 am this soon.....for dear God's sake it's still dark.....and especially now that it's "winters" in Mumbai....well the pain of waking up when the alarm goes off is even more.... Especially with me..... who does not and never belonged to the early riser category..... I have always timed my alarm right from school such that there is just enough time for every thing to finish and reach at the destination just at the knick...whether it be school, exams, college, interviews or job.....alarm always set to 10 min before (for the solace that there is 10 min left still) I really really need to be out of bed or else the purpose is lost!!

So, cutting out the painful part.....the best part of my day begins from the point I get out of the lift and walk down to catch my bus to office. I just love that fog and the slight shiver in the chilly wind.....every day without fail it just takes me to BITS and reminds me of my walk from my hostel to insti in that chill weather in winters when your face and hands used to hurt....it used to be that cold!! Everyday I feel like clicking a pic of the misty fog and everyday I feel sad for not being able to capture the perfect fog in my phone camera... I am not joking.....I really try everyday.....And I just love to walk to my bus smelling the fog.... Yes I know that it has no smell.....but still!!

And then starts the bus ride, as mine is the first stop I never fail to get the window seat.....I just choose the same seat everyday....in the same bus....and push the curtains for the sunlight to come in.....because I like it bright and lighted. ......dont like the dingy darkness (because of which my fellow passenger beside me curses me daily I am sure) .....

And after that once I am settled comfortably starts my 1.5 hrs of me time.....purely mine......I am so much in love with the bus ride and my me time that I swear to God that I really fret when someone known comes into the bus on few unfortunate days and wants to strike a conversation with me......

And the same bus ride and walk to my building in the evening....repeat telecast of the morning bliss!! 

These 3.5 hrs that I get in the day all to myself.....are the best time of the day for me.....which probably help in maintaining my sanity......listen to music ( FM 104.8.....I salute you) , sleep, read, write, be lost in thoughts.....pure bliss!!Many people have time and again advised me to move closer to office and I have just not been able to explain to them why is that I don't consider that as any benefit to me.....I just am so much in love with my daily dose of me time :)!! It's true that spending this much time on road does cut my time at home (which I do feel guilty off) but I have always liked a hectic day.....the feel of insufficiency of 24 hrs in the day has always been loved by me. .....the more the leisure the more the discomfort!! So, that's why cheers to my so called "me time" of the day.....it just can't be compensated!!

Pixie & The Goblin.......!!!

So there was this Pixie who used to love to sleep sleep and sleep....and led every day not very different from the other ....and to be honest the Pixie didn't even know she was one.....

Till one fine day a Goblin appeared in her dreams and asked the Pixie....Do you know you are a Pixie?!!

Pixie gave a surprised look and asked.....and what the hell does that mean??!!

Goblin gave a wicked laughter and said it means my dear you have magical powers....but alas!!!

Pixie....now even more surprised.....asked. ..Why alas...??!!

Goblin smiled that know it all smile and said....because you didn't know you had magical powers...... and now that you know you don't have too much time to enjoy exercising your powers....

Pixie ... Huh....what....How much time I have....and what exactly do you mean by magical powers....even if I know now....how the hell do I exercise my powers.....

Goblin guffawed and said.....my dear they are your individual unique powers....you need to learn to exercise them yourself.....no one can tell you how.....

Pixie (annoyed now)....rolling her eyes asked. ...ok and what if I dont learn to ever........ in that limited time limit of yours....

Goblin now winked and said....ok I have a deal!!

Pixie (more annoyed now) ...And that is?!

Goblin....you make a wish list....and keep adding things to the wish list....the longer the wish list the more the time you get....

Pixie (giving up now) .....I don't think I have any wish list......And even if I make one....who the hell is going to fulfil them.....and how.....

Goblin again with his wicked wink....I just told you that you are a Pixie....with magical powers.....remember!!

Pixie.....you mean I will make a wish list....and I will only fulfil them....what if I am not interested.....I don't want any magical powers....I am happy being ordinary I guess....

Goblin.....you will surprise yourself....especially now that I have established the time limit....you just start with the list....and you will see how many wishes you have....they will just add on.. 

Pixie.....great!!!... so I will keep making wishes u mean which will remain unfulfilled?!

Goblin (thinking) .....That's the only way to buy time.....remember you are a rare Pixie and you need to believe in it....and who knows if you make an interesting wish some day....(he winked again)....may be I will help you fulfil it....

And with that the Goblin disappeared....

Pixie kept wondering....what were those magical powers Goblin was talking about....and what was that time limit for....what will happen if her time exhausts Goblin didn't tell her. ....But it didn't seem like it will be a good thing....she looked at the sleeping dwarf and the little elfin and she fell for the deal....she decided to buy time....and she started making her wish list.....she kept adding things to the wish list....just as the Goblin had said....but the Goblin never appeared again...days months and seasons passed....she kept adding to the list but Goblin didn't appear.......slowly she discovered that Goblin was probably right....she started liking her wish list with time....she even had started tick marking against few wishes in her list.... fulfilling them on her own.....magically may be...although she still couldn't discover her Pixie specific magical powers...... She still felt ordinary most of the times.....but the Goblin had said....that she was a rare Pixie..for a while the Pixie had even started looking for some kind of external endorsement on the rarity factor......but with time the Pixie started to learn to believe it herself.....And she loved to believe in that.....it just felt nice to live with that belief......whether she discovered her powers or not it didn't matter to her anymore........she was different.....if not magically....but otherwise........and she had started to probably love and live with the difference.......and that way two years passed since the Goblin had last appeared.....

One fine day wishfully the Pixie made a wish list again and added some wishes which she thought were definitely difficult to fulfil this time......but then that was the Goblin's deal for buying time wasn't it......thats what he had said....And after making the wish list when she slept... ....Goblin appeared again.....much to the Pixie's surprise........What did you come to tell me now.....Pixie asked......Is my time over or what.......And the Goblin answered with a calm smile......No my dear.....I came to fulfil your wish list this time....should I fulfil them!!.....And the Pixie as usual was again lost in her confusion.....she didn't know whether to answer in affirmative or not......it was her Wishlist after all.....she had herself made it.....just that she had not really believed that the Goblin will ever really appear to fulfil it!!

And the Pixie smiled and played the Goblin's trick this time...... and left the decision to the Goblin.....!!

Blogging by the beach....

Life - From my Kaleidoscope!! 

So, finally after 8-10 years of stay in Mumbai, we did visit Goa....well, why we didn't plan a visit to the most frequently visited place by Mumbaikars God alone knows...maybe because I never have had a great interest for beaches and water sports or casinos and parties....but it never occurred to me somehow that Goa is an abode of Portuguese churches and if not for the beach and the party I could have come to Goa for the churches!! It's only after S visiting Goa for his office off-site that it occurred to him that I will love the place for it's churches ( which we surprisingly never thought of in these many years) that he brought me to Goa....

And that's when I thought that I should fulfil my wish of blogging by the beach :)....since I have never blogged earlier about the places I have visited ( simply because I don't think I have the right words to do justice to them) ...But nevertheless there has to be a beginning somewhere...so let me start with Goa.....

So,  Goa..... the most sought after place for partying....also does have something in store for people like me who belong to the non-party animal kind of species....starting with the beautiful Portuguese style houses....painted bright blue green red.....  that adorn the narrow lanes and give you a feeling of landing in Portuguese culture when you go around the lanes on a ride in a Scooty....and you should have seen the thrill on my little Son's face who was experiencing a Scooty ride for the first time and wanted to know in what way can the scooty be transported to Mumbai!!  (Well I had experienced my first ride when I was six times his age!!)....the mystical churches where I definitely can spend all my time if I am left there....specially the ruins of St. Augustine church and the church with the weeping cross (where it seems on two particular days the wounds of Jesus had opened and blood had oozed out with tears flowing down his eyes)....because of my love for churches we also went discovering some not so known churches.....each one of them beautiful in their own way...I don't know why but I always love ruins and age old architectures with historic significance....old civilizations and ruins of age old religious places....may be just for the history they store in those broken reddish greyed out rocks....when I walk on them it overwhelms me thinking that years and years ago these powerful places must be trodden upon by people belonging to another era....so many stories the walls must be holding in them associated with each individual who must have prayed there.....some fulfilled some unfulfilled......so many generations those very rocks must be associated with....It somehow instills the feeling that nothing ever lasts in life......what remain are just the memories stored in the form of ruins...... Only memories can beat the test of time......and nothing else......I simply love places that have deep association with age old history!! 

For the first time spent one whole day at the beach.....although I personally am not a great fan of beaches....and I always thought what's the big deal about spending time at the beach....... But this was S's idea....and this was the first time ever I actually spent an ENTIRE day at the beach....... from sunrise to sunset.......And it felt sooo good.....cocktails accompanied with some music and delicious Goan sea food at a shack by the beach.....overlooking the waves hitting the shore...and their soothing sound....with the misty wind blowing in your face... And with your four year old busy making castles in the sand almost taking a bath in the sand.......with you just lying there like a log letting all your thoughts come and go in waves.......flowing with a free spirit.......without a care in the world........Is a perfect recipe for some nostalgia to hit you!! 

Someone recently had laughed when I said I am visiting Goa for the first time and that too in mid thirties with a kid....but I think age is not a factor for what I have come to see in Goa :)!!

Wedding Bells!!

Me (Lazily) : So,  should we do something for our tenth wedding anniversary!!

S: Yawn

Me: Should we throw a small party....invite few frens....cook stuff and all

S (second yawn) : Hmmmm sure!! 

Me: No,  but that will be lot of running around,planning and cooking...... .May be we should do something else

S: hmmmm

Me: Should we go some where.....like a holiday

S: OK sure

Me: Kerela?!

S: Ok

Me: Will Phuket be better? 

S: Sure

Me: What about Sri Lanka? 

S: Third Yawn

Me: Are you even interested?!

S: Stifling the fourth yawn (with the fear of being thrown out of house this time) let's go to Goa
Me: Goa?!!!

And just then phone rings. ....call from home. ....Brother's wedding date has been decided....and guess what.. .It's the same day as yours!!

And so the plan was decided....so, there have been two weddings this year in our immediate families with 2 BIG coincidences in store for S and me. One being on the very same day as our tenth wedding anniversary and second being held at the same place as our wedding 10 yrs back.....!!

To step into the very same place after over a decade and see my Son running all around the place. ..did feel a bit funny (or I don't know what is the right word to use) ....(its different that we just didn't get time to even click one good snap of all three of us together at the venue ....(eyes rolling)!!) Not that there was too much time to think on things...but yeah a dash of nostalgia did hit....my wedding was the very first time I ever draped a Saree.. .and I swear to God it was so so uncomfortable (not that today is any better though) .....Complete chaos....with people running all around me that day. ....so many people staring at me with photographer's complete focus on us had felt so so odd....I even remember people telling me ....smile. ..you are not smiling enuf....dont spoil the photos...I vaguely remember even S whispering to me on the mandap. ..Don't be nervous. .....and even my dad asking me. ....are you scared.....today I see people posing so nicely for their wedding shoot (should have done that then....anyways I am still so bad at smiling for clicks!!)....wedding had run till 4 am in the morning till I had become a complete zombie....and just like a robot had done what was being told by the pandit and had left after vidayii completely blank with no energy left...not even to cry (I was that blank) !!....I think except for my own wedding I have shed some tears for everyone else's vidayii....really difficult to control if 10 ladies howl around you (yeah... remember now no control on tears!! ) 

Anyways, Weddings as always are great fun....each wedding is an experience in itself....sangeet mehendi( I must say is a task for the bride....and for a mom of a 4 yr old too)  haldi.....no words can describe the enthu levels and the jest for life of certain people.....but. ...minus the amount of effort that goes in wearing all those bright heavy clothes and jewellery and then taking them off...phew!!Yes I am a female and I am just NOT fond of all the dressing up and jewellery !! And yes our kind of species do exist on this Earth....much to some people's dismay!!....may be that's why for my Brother's wedding for one of the occasions...when, immediately after the photographer left I changed into my heavenly home wear.....and entered the arena. ...first there was pin drop silence for at least 30 seconds...may be they took some time to absorb.. ...and then all the ladies of the house fell behind my life....you are the groom's only sister....how can you change. ..And that too into home wear....change back....what will people say. ...they will all look at you. ....How will you go like this for dinner. ....And I had one answer " I am I. ...I don't care.. ..I just can't take it anymore. ...just let me be. ..."people" will look at me and not you. ...So you don't bother"....and my relatives were just aghast. ...Someone came and told in my ear "what about your inlaws" and someone even had gone up to S asking him to convince me. ....when that also didn't change my mind. ...they finally gave up..... on me !!  So, that's our "people".....but of course not that I can repeat that stunt everywhere!! (definitely not.. ...when the wedding is of the other side!!)

But even today, you do get to hear to some stray sentences in weddings like "after the phere the bride is theirs.. .They will take her. ..So they can decide whatever they want to do with her"....."Post vidayii ...we need to take their permission if the bride can come and collect her things"....."Bride's looks".....And so on.....without me really getting into the feminism side here....but still the sentences ....how many years later it may be....still sound a bit in the ears and cannot go completely unheard.......yeah but the reaction then and reaction now does differ!! 

She peered at her reflection in the mirror
And searched for her
Searching hard
She hadn't looked for her in years
But she sometimes did think of her
Or maybe she didnt
But she didn't forget her....or did she
But today she suddenly remembered her
May be even missed her a bit
And decided to look for her
Trying to search for her again....
And somewhere there
Deep down....inside....under....
There she was
She was still there
Smiling
Papa's little princess!!

Black!!!

She wandered blissfully in her solitude
And walked into a store
Her eyes scanning everything on display
But resting on none

The store was teeming with colours
Shades of colours all around
Colours everywhere to see
But her eyes as always chose to see Black

Black was her colour
Why Black.... Why always Black
She never understood why
There was never any logic

She had decided to defy her eyes
She had decided to defy Black
She had decided to avoid Black
She had decided to not repeat Black

She had been picking colours all along
Mostly light
Rarely bright
As bright had always meant Black for her

But Black was Black
Black never went unnoticed
Each time, she picked Black....only to put it back
Thinking she had Enuf of Black
Not Black again

Till she realised
Black wasn't her weakness
But Black defined strength
Black was pure
As Black can never get tainted
Black absorbed everything and all the colours around

She decided to let go
And set her heart free
Let Black captivate her
Let Black own her
As her colour was Black
And will always remain Black
She walked off the store...smiling....
With Black

New Year Wish List - 2019!!

When I was in my teens I used to always fret on 31st Dec eve that why are we not going out for dinner....and my parents would just want to be at home and spend a peaceful close to the year gone by!!

When I was in my twenties and in job I used to order food home.....saying to my parents that OK you don't want to go out but at least let's order good food.....year gone by needs to be bid farewell to with good food atleast!! And I used to tune into the TV channels every year and watch alone (as my parents couldn't keep themselves awake till late) at night 12 'o clock ...all the actors appearing and wishing "Happy New Year!!"....I used to simply love to hear and see that!!

Today in mid thirties,  I don't prefer going out for dinner any more on new year eve.....I don't like getting into the crowd....I like to celebrate the new year eve with just us ......good food means something made by me at home.....I now love decorating a little something to go well with the dinner at home itself...to make it feel special....havent tuned into TV since 4 years now!! .....And I just keep myself awake to wish the nearest and closest people at the strike of 12 and go to sleep immediately after that.....so that I wake up to New Year messages, wishes and replies on my phone!! (And probably now I can understand my parents liking for staying at home on new year's eve now!! )

And now it's a Happy start to the new year when:

• Your little Son hugs you and gives a kiss when the tiny Chinese lights you decorated and his tiny face glow in the dark (when he switches them on) 
• When you are asked to repeat the dish you made for New year eve again
• When you wear something new to office....just for the sake of another new beginning
• When you sneak out of office at 4-30 PM
• When you walk in time for evening Arati to the temple in your society
• When you have a nice long refreshing walk after ages and treat yourself to Tiramassu 
• When you reach home early and surprise your Son
• When you bake your Son's favourite cake and see him eagerly waiting with a spoon for it to cool down so that he can relish on it
• And you just can't get over watching and listening to "The song of the Golden Dragon" by Estas Tonne (shared by S) 

So, now for the wish list (I was calling it bucket list.....but one of my frens was so cross with my usage of the word that I decided to rephrase it!!) ....So here it goes!!

• To experience snow fall
• To get drunk once
• To sit in a hot air balloon
• To go on a cruise
• To go camping with a tent and bonfire like in a forest kinds
• To go on one solo trip all alone all by myself
• To go backpacking in Europe
• To go for the trans Siberian railway tour
• To read read and read (one thing I regret for having stopped) 
• To try my hand at pencil sketching and canvas painting
• To write a book
• To participate in blogging blocks again
• To design interiors of my own house
• To do a degree abroad
• To join a NGO
• To take the count of my close friends in the list to 10
• To learn to forget and forgive
• To learn to do things for sheer happiness without any expectations whatsoever 

As of now,  that's like the wish list....lets see how much of it gets fulfilled in 2019.....!! And for more to get added in the list that gets spilled over.....in the coming years :P!! 

Wake up Sid!!

I have been longing to watch this movie since some time .....and finally this weekend I got the chance to watch it.....again (don't know how many times. ..Lost the count) !! One of my all time favourite movies....every time I have watched the movie .....I have simply loved it!!

Konkana Sen''s character just reminds me of the first time I came to this city ...Mumbai......S had warned me of the harshness of this city....and he was so protective that he even had made me rehearse going to office taking the local train on one of the weekends before my joining into my first job post MBA.

But I still remember that day one....when I had walked down to the station all alone...I had let 2-3 trains pass...scared seeing the crowd....and finally had got into one....When I got down in VT....I just didn't know which way to go...the crowd just had seemed overwhelming.....and like a scared little mice I had just followed the crowd to get out of the station...again lost as to which way to go for office!! And today. ..I just love to roam around the city all alone....without any qualms!!

First day of independence was real scary.....And from that day to today I dont know how and exactly when I fell in love with this city Mumbai....another one of those things which I just didn't realise when it happened!! I may complain....I may be angry with the city for its harshness.....but I know I am in love with it....After all you shower all your anger/complaints on things you love and care about the most....!!

And as the movie at the end says...in your busy schedule you just don't realise who are those special someone's who have helped you develop the connect with as harsh a city as Mumbai....helped you not only adapt to it but also fall in love with it.....just take a moment and reflect and you will find them....maybe right in front of you as well. ..Which u hadn't been realising all along!! 

So for me....if I reflect.....Apart from the obvious spouse factor there have been many friends.....who had been part of the Mumbai journey....and not to forget those who if not physically present here in Mumbai are virtually always there!!

RB and NB the virtual shadows who will always follow....wherever I go, T....the moonh bola brother...who never forgot to get homemade Bhel and Mirchi pickle for me....being a hard core vegetarian had helped me buy fish from the wholesale Colaba fish market....the smell of which can kill even a hard core non-vegetarian, VJ....the over protective fren....who ensured I reached home safe and checked on me whenever S travelled....came hunting for me when I had lost my way once,Sud....my only South Indian connect to my home town.....Who ensured to get that delicious tamarind rice made for me every time his mom visited, NJ and AV...my partners/sisters in crime, AB....salute your illogical patience levels.....had it not been for you guys....!!!You guys are the reason for my love for Mumbai!! 

I wish there was some way to repeat each of the moments spent with you guys....I still remember the pain of parting from each one of you....Life is so strange that only after you part from a close person you realise that person's presence and value. Why can't we just realise the importance when they are right there infront of us....why do we take things for granted....I guess there will never be a logic to this!!

But anyways, good movies,books and music probably are the means to take you back in time and remind you of each and every special person or special moment of your life!! Kudos to Wake up Sid!! Now let me watch Dil Chahta Hai...to relive some Engg memories as well :)!!

A silent prayer!!

As a 7 year old when I had wandered and stepped inside a church for the very first time!! 

Me: (peering into the dark, wondering if I should go inside!! )

Father: Yes, my child....

Me: Can I come inside

Father: Please my child...this church is yours.... You don't need to take permission

Me: Thanks

Father: So, you want to pray for something

Me: I am new in this school.... I don't have frens....As my English is broken...I studied in a town earlier.... Will Jesus help me in making frens

Father: Did you by any chance happen to read the message on the pyre my child

Me: Yes it says " Lord is always with you"

Father: So you made two frens today... One is Lord and second is me... Will you come to visit me Tomm again

And he had taught me how to fold my hands and pray silently....a silent prayer!!

And I had visited the church every single day after that till I left that school when my parents got transferred again. Even today when I visit any church it always reminds me of that very first day.... Of the way I had wandered into that place.. .That fear. . .That inhibition with which I had gone inside . .....And came out with strength!!

I always heard people calling me a Christian because of my name.....I studied throughout in convent schools which strengthened my connection with the religion further........till another Father like doctor one day in a missionary hospital saved my Son.... 

And today, I taught my Son....how to fold his hands and pray silently...a silent prayer!! 

Merry Christmas!!

Year 2018!!

So here we come to the end of another year.....year 2018!!!

As I reflect back on the year that has passed ...it indeed is a year to remember as S and I had met exactly 10 years back .....and 2018 marks a tick on one of the milestones as we continue our journey together!!

Have ticked another big thing off my bucket list of things that need to completed before I die......of my own little home!!

A lot of things which I had just shelved....and which had been catching dust over the years....I have taken a resolution to restart....thanks to S again for his relentless encouragement.....

I got back to writing....something that I have enjoyed since childhood...and now I am able to notice little moments in everyday life again on which I can write on!!

I have even got back to reading.....the greatest strength and morale booster ever!!

Got back to playing music all day long.....and have made my Son also an addict to it :P....the music lover that he is!! 

After ages S and me loved and laughed over a silly movie and fell so much in love with its songs that we decided to watch it all over again!! Although it felt really silly doing it.....as S put it....madness should also be enjoyed as much as silliness...let all of it be a part of our lives....not just the things that make sense all the time!!

After nearly 2 whole years made a new friend....and for the second time till date...I from my side put the efforts ...the introvert that I am....rather than the other way round!!Although, never thought that at this juncture also I have the energy to invest in new people in life!! Felt strangely nice to just invest efforts....distribute some positivity maybe....this time without any expectations...just for the sake of simple happiness!!

Decided to identify and weed out negative things that have/had deep rooted themselves somewhere inside.....successfully have weeded out some for sure....as surprisingly when some things repeated out of the blue the pain didn't come back in entirety....I am glad lot of things have erased from memory on their own....and some that remain hopefully will get erased too....

Learnt to get over few setbacks and imbibe some positivity in life....S has been telling me ....something has changed....u seem to be complaining less and seem more positive in life.....thanks to all the things above that have probably helped imbibe the positivity....which I hope is here to stay ....!!

Welcome year 2019.....for new events and new memories that I look forward to unfold!!

The Knight asked the Princess.....So will you walk along?!

Princess asked....Why should I? What if the path is rough?

Knight said....I will take care!!

What if I give up half way!!

I will take care!!

What if I get tired!!

I will take care!!

What if I just can't make it to the end!!

I will carry you....I will take care. ..We will make it to the end...!!

And the Princess walked along with the Knight... And on the way a sweet little Prince joined their walk!!

PS: Happy 10th Anniversary S :)!!

And thanks to A for the post idea :P!!

Let's Dance!!

As a 3 yr old... Grandpa asked her one day....come let's dance....And she said...but Grandpa I don't know how to dance... Come I will teach you.....but what if I look funny.... Then we will look funny my dear..... and they had danced!!

Last day of school... When everyone called her to dance... She refused saying don't know how to dance!!

In college, her best friend said she would ensure one day she dances....but by the time she got ready to dance....!!

He never bothered to ask her if she danced.....And when he did....She never bothered to answer that she didn't... !!

On graduation.. .She dismayed all by saying she doesn't dance!!

She asked him... Is it OK if I can't dance.. .He said haha it's OK even I don't know how to dance... We will learn together!! 

On post graduation... She just hid.....as she didn't want to reply again... That she doesn't dance!! 

And years later, another 3 yr old asked her "Muma,  come dance!!" and she did dance and always will be glad to do so for him whenever he asks.....!!

Finally A B'day Resolution !!

And after 6 long years finally I decide to take a resolution on my B'day to get back to blogging and relive my childhood hobby of writing!! No particular answer to where was I all these years....Life has been as eventful as it always had been....nevertheless ,with the resolution to start afresh from where it stopped :)!

I had started this blog as a 22 year old and it's really interesting to read posts of my 13 years younger self...Also its such a comfort to see that the blogs that I used to read and which in first place has inspired me to start my own blog...still exist...and are still active...

So, what has changed over the years is:

• The simplicity and the flow of thoughts have taken a beating with the addition of some grey strands if not wisdom!
• Typing down or for that matter writing seems tedious now ....which ironically I had loved doing since childhood
• Hobbies have got replaced with practicalities
• Heart and mind have stopped noticing small little things of life. And even if I notice they don't stay in memory for long
• A small little dimple cheeked face with curious little eyes and an infectious smile has hijacked all priorities in life and made himself one single priority!!
• No more ambitions in life but materialism has seeped in to some extent
• Realization that life has got an expiry date 
• Memories of the past have stopped haunting as dreams
• Can speak on things of the past with acquaintances and strangers now! (Someone had once told me...the day you can do this...that day you can tell yourself you got over it)
• Trust and forgiveness come more easily now.....have learnt to be ok with making mistakes...and enjoy while it lasts not worrying for the mistake to unfold
• Tears flow easily now....though not so much in public but otherwise...infact I would love to have some control on them....
• Stopped judging people....and stopped being affected by the other way round as well
• Coffee has got replaced with Tea....although I still love the smell of Coffee
• Love for chocolates remains :)
• Still love to walk in the light drizzle but walking in the rain is no more a thrill
• Still love to be with myself
• Favorite pass time still remains closing my eyes and listening to songs over and over again. Just that the songs in the list have got replaced.
• Still reflect into the past on B'days and New Year's and be nostalgic !!
• Still love watching FRIENDS
• Still love watching out of the window....and reflect ....just the home has changed
• Acceptance of Life as it is to some extent has happened hopefully
• Reading has stopped completely
• Still love to cook and clean
• Each and every festival and special days , which was just another day earlier, I ensure to celebrate now
• Still call myself an Introvert 
• Still love to walk from the gate to the building and tumble upon the evening Arati
• Still averse to change and love to settle down in comfort zone
• Still love to be busy to the brim with no time to breathe ....but now leisure doesnt discomfort anymore
• Still love the nights more than the day
• Still love to sleep late into the morning and remain awake late into the night.....and love to see my little Son fall asleep trying desperately to keep his eyes open!! 
• Still bad at keeping in touch with old frens and brooding over it
• Still love to be as mysterious as ever

As resolutions and promises are meant to be broken....Hope I live upto this one :P!!

House of Sand.......

Little Girl : Hello Sir! Could you allow me to be a part of the beach festival here?

Caretaker : Oh! Hello little girl…..but where do you hail from?

Little Girl : Sir, I hail from the green water beach.

Caretaker : Then why didn’t you participate in the beach festival there little one? That beach is known for having beautiful sea shells and many little kids like you love to be there building shapes out of sand.

Little Girl : Yes Sir, I know. But, I want to be a part of the beach festival here even if there are no shells on this beach.

Caretaker : Sure dear. But even the sand is slippery here ….not suitable for building shapes. Are you still interested?

Little Girl: No problem Sir. I want to be here and take part in the beach festival here.

Caretaker: Then you are welcome little one.

She then went back to collect her things from the earlier place. After putting all her things in her bag she looked behind her and saw that the very place where she had built a house of sand all by her own….by working day in and day out for two whole days…..was being broken by another kid and his father to make space for themselves. She took one last look at the beach and saw many many little kids building different shapes out of sand …decorating them with beautiful sea shells with the help of their parents even though the parents were not allowed….and her eyes fell on other little kids struggling to complete their shapes of sand all on their own before the deadline for the next festival.

She left the beach wishing them luck.

 

 

Sometimes your hobby just remains a hobby

And sometimes you decide to give a direction to it

Here's a step that we decided to take towards that direction

E-Book
This is the direct link to Kindle edition (MOBI)
http://www.dogearsetc.com/book_details.jsp?resourceID=35637

This is the direct link to EPUB edition for PCs/laptops etc.
http://www.dogearsetc.com/book_details.jsp?resourceID=35636

Hard Copy
http://www.indiaplaza.com/45-years-1-night-sabyasachi-mohanty/books/9789381542620.htm

http://www.flipkart.com/45-years-1-night-9381542627/p/itmdcvqttuk8yqnp?pid=9789381542620&ref=f2d6c680-a9c3-4b51-96f8-b7b37c3bec3f

http://www.dogearsetc.com/book_details.jsp?resourceID=35633

M.S./Phd or MBA? The million dollar question!!

After a long time, thanks to my cousin and a taxi driver that I finally found something interesting to post about. And as the topic of the post goes….yes, its about the dilemma, that from ages to come, all graduating engineers have faced and are facing and will face in future too….that is what to choose for post-graduation M.S./Phd. or MBA……

My cousin had posed me the question of which field to choose for Post Graduation last weekend. He had asked me why you are happy in i-banking inspite of spending four years of your efforts in doing core technical engg. projects. I didn’t know how to convince him. But today my taxi driver happened to have the answer for me surprisingly….As usual I was late in the morn and he was standing at the gates of my building waiting for me….prompt….just like every day…..when I got into the taxi he asked me :

Taxi Diver : Madam aaj jyada late ho gaye ho

Me: Haan bhaiyya, mera bhai aaya hua hai….chutti leni thi…par mili nahi

Taxi Driver: Hahhaaaa toh madam aaj aapka mann nahi lagega kaam mein office pe

Me: Haan bhaiyya….pakk gayi hoon

Taxi Driver: Kyun madam….chutti nahi mili toh kya hua…kal chutti hai na

Me: Bhaiyya aap roz roz kaam karke pakk nahi jaatey kabhie

Taxi Driver: Nahi madam, humko toh bahut acha lagta hai….roz naye naye logon ko unki manzil tak pahunchatey hain….unse do batein kartey hain….unke zindagi ke bare mein thoda pata chalta hai hamara unko pata chalta hai….aur kya madam….har din naye logon se batein hoti hai…humein unse thoda seekhne ko milta hai unke anubhav se… ……Aur Bhagwan ke daya se khane ko toh hai…Aur kya chahiye….Humko toh bahut anand milta hai taxi chalane se….Aur madam kaam acha lagna ya bura lagna khud pe hota hai…kaam pe nahi

And I got the words for my answer. Now coming back to the topic of Post graduation…….While one school of thought talks like the Amir Khan of Three Idiots Movie as to “Agar bank mein hi jana tha toh Engg kyun kiya tha…gadha”….Another school of thought reasons out saying that “Knowledge is vast…and diverse in nature….four years of Engineering taught me the basics of B.Tech…now my mind wants to explore a different field and test my abilities there…by acquiring new skills”……

While both the reasons sound very logical what’s interesting is to see the debate…when one tries to prove that his chosen field is better than the other. It is amusing to see the way both have convinced themselves….”One calling other gadha and bhikari…helping fraud companies” and the other calling “Pot bellied , lazy, directionless, inferiority complex wale masterjis ….Undecipherable shitty objects (thts what we used to refer the strict/khadoos profs as :P!)” . Now if we sit to draw parallels then there is no end to it….An engineer’s parallel being a mechanic, chemist or electrician …just as the commercial people would name them and the commercial people being named as dalals, paan seller etc. The names proving nothing but immaturity and the inferiority complex within a novice who is just trying to console and give solace to his ego, self-respect and inhibitions….and nothing else…

Now what’s amusing to me is that….is it necessary….and is this the only way to convince oneself about the field you choose…..I understand that it is a difficult decision and at that age its difficult to gauge what is your field of interest……But then why such mental blockages…..

Any career you choose has its own challenges, pit falls and advantages….and if you are hardworking and can develop interest in the learning you will definitely succeed and enjoy doing whatever you have chosen. I have seen examples of frens going for Phd in technical field and then go for MBA and frens going for MBA first and then pursue Phd. …..also, simple engineers who have done better than any post graduate….and others who have no conventional degree and are yet more successful than the passouts of branded colleges.

Why only Phd or MBA…I have seen few of my friends choose to do something as diverse as fashion designing or civil services and are doing really good there. And for an economy to run…we need all kinds of people…MBAs, Engineers, Doctors, Lawyers, Professors, Artists, workers , politicians and the list is endless………Most of them had started with the initial dilemma of which field to pursue and have then discovered interest in the fields they chose and are happy…..

All that is needed is the ability and the maturity to find interest in what you are doing…and the ability to enjoy by being open-minded enough to appreciate and realize true potential of every field!

Valentine's Day Gift

I have been thinking to draft this post long back but somehow I got busy and cudn’t post. Neways, better late than never….so here I go….This post is about V day…Valentine’s day…
This Valentine’s day was just like any other day….same morning bell ringing and waking us up from our slumber…same opening of the door to the maid sleepy and groggy….same getting ready for office with the last minute running around…packing of tiffins….gulping down some food and frantically running for taxi….same praying that the traffic would clear soon so that I can reach office on time…..same rush in the lift where u can’t distinguish if u r breathing for urself or the person next to u is breathing for u……….I don’t even remember if on that day I realized it was any different from any other day……
The day had started just the same….with the same work load and everything till some people during lunch started discussing about V Day….one asked “hey!! Why didn’t you dress in red?” and other “What surprise gift are u planning”…and a list of gifts discussion followed….candlelight dinner, shirt, perfume, chocolates, romantic novels, flowers and so on…….
I remember seeing such excitement last during college time…..I was just thinking that and smiling to myself when someone asked me “kya yaar kitni bore ho tum….kuch plan nahi ki apne hubby ke liye”…and I was like “hahaha haan yaar boring hoon thodi kya karein”…..I have always wondered how people freely discuss such gift plans with colleagues and friends…..I mean even if there is a gift that you have thought of or got why would you tell it in public….And what do you expect the opposite person to say “oh how disgusting! Is this what you got as a gift” or “what are you crazy is this what you have planned”…..obviously you will hear some diplomatic statement out of courtesy from the opposite person….so what’s the whole point….
Neways, I do know that I belong to the introvert class of non-social being so obviously such concepts will always remain beyond my understanding. Anyways, that’s not what the post is about. The post is about an interesting conversation which followed later in the day.
During coffee one of my colleagues came over and asked me “oh you aren’t dressed in red today” and I was like “c’mon yaar, not again…..” and she said “why not….its a day to celebrate”…and I asked in a bored tone…”why what’s so special abt just one day”…and she said “oh c’mon…nothing different…but it gives you a reason to celebrate….every other day you would never think of any such special celebration but on few such occasions in the year you get a reason to celebrate…to pause…to enjoy the day…just your way”….and I said “really!! “…..”yes , like today I got up early…and as I had planned yesterday and got all the necessary items…I got down to cooking right in the morning before my daughters got up….I made pizza for breakfast for my elder daughter and bread pudding for my younger daughter…and when they got up they were so delighted to see their favourite dishes served for breakfast….and I told them today is a special day so eat fast get ready and go to school and if you both be good girls today and finish your play and work in time you will get another surprise tonite…..and I am planning to go back home a little early and arrange for their favourite Italian style dinner……” She said that and left after coffee…
And I was just left speechless…..

Welcome 2012!!

Its Christmas again!! And new year again!!
And just as I was preparing myself for a lonely Christmas and a New year luckily my fears have not turned out to be true.
So this new year what are your plans? Everyone seems to be asking me that question. Now that you husband is back from his long tour are you guys planning for a trip? Or meeting up frens for a party?
And when I say no we are planning to celebrate it at home all their excitement dies away into a frown and they say with awe “Home!!!! Why such a boring plan”.....and I just shrug saying....”kya karun yaar....thodi boring hoon...”
I have never been the sort who loved crowd and parties...a celebration has always meant celebration at home for me....even if I was alone I wud have still preferred to be alone....even in college after exams when people used to party....I used to get some good food packed for myself and some goodies to munch on....get a movie from somewhere...or a book and just be to myself till late into the night.....and thats always been my way to celebrate...Basically I have always been boring...right from beginning that is hahahhaa!!
So, 2011 is come to close now....this year was special in its own way.....I happened to fulfil one of the items on my wish list...that is I mean of the wishes which I would definitely like to complete before I die kinds....and thats a Europe trip!!!! And that one trip has made this year special and memorable...
2012....resolutions...and what wud they be....not that I have ever made any resolutions that I have followed....but nevertheless keeping up the spirit of the new year let me think of a few that I would like to do in this coming year....for one I would try to get back to my blog...its been long since I have been as regular as I used to be....
Strangely, ideas of as to what to post seem to be dying by the day....either things have stopped interesting or affecting me....or I have stopped taking interest in day to day activities around me...or simply putting probably life has got more complex and the simple aspects of life seem to just go unnoticed.....simple things that used to touch you in some way that you felt like making a note of them through a post is just fading away ....but nevertheless there is no harm in making a resolution.....so here it goes...take life easy and post more often...
Secondly, I would like to get back to my reading....its been long....the count of the books that I have read in the last year has drastically dropped just like the top lines and bottom lines of the recession hit companies...bad joke I know....so I would like to get back to it....as there has always been a deep connection between reading and writing....I used to read more earlier and that had definitely helped in influencing my perspective earlier....which I need to get back at...
And what more....I look forward to this year holding a few more surprises in store for all of us...and help each one of us grow a little more ........

Wishing one and all a very happy new year 2012!!

Is it an Oxymoron!!!

Its been a long time since I blogged......I feel as if I have lost the habit to even think of a post and type it down now too...

I had been cleaning my cupboards last weekend....to make space for the new suitcase...and I found my diary that I used to keep when I was just about 9 years old probably.....First of all I couldn’t recognize my own handwriting.....and it took sometime for me to realise that it was indeed me who had maintained a daily entry then and that too in ink....

And I actually laughed at what I had written.....first at my thoughts as a child....and then at the very simplicity of the thoughts....the world seemed to be such a small place then....or rather how do I put it....so simple, lucid and decipherable then. I was amazed at the clear cut definitions of “best friend” and “enemy” that I had defined in my diary then....the days that used to start with mom’s breakfast and mom making you ready for school, packing ur school bag and tiffin....and the days that used to end with ur mom narrating stories to ur little brother and you trying to imitate ur mother and narrate stories to him when he would get up in the middle of the night.....there didn’t seem to be any place for uncertainty....or rather those were the days when I used to think grown-ups have always been as grown-ups and life had been and would be perennially this way with me attending school with my little brother...with the same set of frens....with the same set of dreams and ideas...And even if there was any change...say in school or something....I used to be so excited with the idea of exploring a new place and having new frens.....

Life could be so simple then....its amazing to even imagine that once life was actually like that....it was the same you who used to decipher life in that way. And today its the same you....but life somehow doesn’t seem to be like that anymore....so many concepts have changed....infact the word concept probably has ceased to exist....my thoughts and ideas seem to be so complicated now...that even I fail to decipher them....I just don’t know how the day starts and ends now......everyone now seems to be a fren and everyone seems not to be as well....everyone seem to be caring for you and you for everyone and at the same time none care for you and you care for none........and sometimes I care to think that how come I don't care....now the only thing which is constant and certain is change and uncertainty....you seem to hate both of them yet you term life to be mundane and monotonous without them and crave for them.....And the worst thing is in the event of change you feel I wish I could just retrace back and cling to that what was there previously......

And the biggest irony is that everyone whom you speak to claims to be a person simple at heart.....not excluding me that is!!

And I am jealous….

She had a tinkling laughter which was infectious
She had many looks and looked the best in any form...but I didn't want to look at her
Her laughter would just buzz in my ears and I would shudder away
As I was jealous….

She would turn her face and look at me…with child like innocence..and smile beseechingly..
And I was cognizant of her eyes following me…I knew she wasn’t ridiculing me…yet I felt she was
I wanted her to go away…her presence was eating into my mental peace…
As I was jealous….

My mind and heart were at battle over her…one wanted to follow her and one wanted to possess her…
I wanted neither…
As I was jealous….

She still stood there by my side…just at an arm’s length…seductive that she was..nothing seemed to intimidate her
Neither my ignoring her…nor my hatred for her…nor my avoidance of her…
I knew what she was thinking…yet I didn’t want to acknowledge….
As I was jealous….

She continued smiling….her eyes telling me…I am with you….you possess me as well as follow me..
Why then are you jealous….

I closed my eyes…my heart and mind echoing aloud…I know I do…but I can only see you in others…not in me as my possession ….
whereas I had struggled so hard to make you mine…. And you had gone to them just at the wink of the eye…
And I am jealous….

She laughed loudly the same crystal clear tinkling infectious laughter and said
And my dear the others that you are talking about see me in you
And that’s why they are jealous….