The lady opposite said

"You are not a superwoman"

And it reminded her of a day when she had sat in the night and cried helplessly before a practical exam because she just couldn't get the hang of any of the experiments and there was no time left to salvage the situation....her parents had told her don't worry........Just believe that you will be able to do the experiment and you will be able to..... next day when she went for the exam and with her heart in the mouth lifted the chit out of the box with the experiment name on it.....it turned out to be the one and only experiment she knew....

She thought to herself....

If I believe I can be one.....then only I will be one....

And she left the lady unanswered.....

Unknown Connections.....

So,  this February....the so called month of love.....in other words..... connections....I thought let me try and recollect all those small connections known and unknown....and see how many I can recollect......so here it goes

We had just shifted in.....S joined office....and I was at home trying to set everything.....suddenly the door bell rang and an elderly lady almost in her nineties asked me.....have you just shifted in my girl....busy unpacking are u....u look just like my grand daughter......u must have not set your kitchen still....please have these puranpolis...it will be filling for lunch.....wait I will send in my maid.....she will help you with all the setting.....

I was new in Mumbai.... Took a BEST bus from office to station....for the first time was experiencing the crowded bus and rains of Mumbai where I couldn't find my own legs and hands after getting into the bus let alone breathe...it was raining heavily and the traffic just stopped at a certain point and just didn't budge.....all the people in the bus got down making you forcibly get down along with them.....after getting off I had no clue where I was.....decided to follow the crowd assuming they must be going to the station.....but everyone seemed to be running without a care for getting drenched....and when it came to crossing the road in front of VT... I was zapped....I just couldn't cross and my umbrella broke with the wind. ....just then an unknown guy asked....shall I help. ..Before I answered he held my hand and helped me cross the road....and while crossing he took out a spare umbrella....gave it to me and said. ...here trees keep falling in the wind.... make sure u hold the umbrella tightly above your head.....and before I could thank him he disappeared in the crowd

Again it was raining heavily one day.....and with great difficulty I had caught the local and reached Wadala station.....but just could not find a single taxi for home.....after a long wait.....decided to walk down....wading through water up-to waist.....could see water snakes wading around in all the dirt and my heart skipped a beat.....just then a taxi guy stopped and said madam aa jao aap.....main chod deta hoon....he fit in as many women as he could fit in in his taxi and dropped us all

One day I had got really late in office....and was terribly tired....desparately trying to keep myself awake in the taxi.....suddenly the driver asked madam bura na mano toh main aap ke saath baat Karun.....aapko bhi Neend nahi aayegi and Mujhe bhi... .He spoke about his journey and hardships from UP to Mumbai and his family back home... His dream of buying a home in his village....and when my stop came and I got off....I forgot my laptop in his taxi.....and walked inside the society to my building.. .And he came running behind to handover the laptop!!

I used to take a fixed taxi in the morning to office......one day when it was raining heavily.....I came down my office building thinking today finding a taxi to station itself will be a challenge forget about home.....and almost made up my mind to look for a bus when I saw a taxi right in front of the office gate ....and it was the same taxi that I used to take in the morning.....madam aaj Bahut baarish thi....mujhe laga aapko taxi chahiye hoga ghar lautne ko!!

I was sitting in the waiting area for my doctor to come.....a little worried....one person with a broken leg along with his wife came and sat beside me....and started conversing.....the way he described his diagnosis of TB and it's long treatment was heart rending...but it was overwhelming to see the humorous way in which he put across each aspect.....I asked him what happened to his leg.....and he said oh that.. ..I was trying to play quidditch....and he winked...... and just then my turn came to go in.....and I was already all smiles.....

Our car had broke down in the middle of a busy highway and S and me were wondering what to do....three executives were standing at the bus stop with blazer and all....suddenly came and started helping with pushing the car and getting it started

I was quietly having breakfast at a corner in the canteen......lost that I had my checkup on that day.....and just couldn't take my mind off it.....suddenly a friend cum colleague just appeared from no where and sat across the table with his breakfast.....it took few seconds for me to register.....and  he pulled me out of my trance.....

And to many more such unknown connections which always leave you short of words!!

15 yrs old playlist!!

So after ages.....almost 15 yrs.....on a day I was feeling low for no reason in particular. ....I happened to hear to this song Dhaani from album Strings.....and it just took me back in the memory lane to that cubicle of my office space when I was in IT.....

And somehow I started playing one song after other....my 15 yrs old playlist.....Strings, Lucky Ali, Boondh Jal band, Euphoria and so many more.....and memories just came flooding back.....come to think of it I didn't want to leave my job in IT at that time because I used to get to play songs and listen to them while working....

As I was already on a trip down my memory lane I decided let me dare to go a little more back in the past and play the playlist I used to hear during my Engg.....It reminded me of my small black tape recorder which was my most prized possession.....I remember I used to switch on the tape first and then the lights of the room when I used to get back from classes.....how I used to ride miles on my cycle just to get my list of songs recorded.....

It reminded me of those blurred faces.....my room and it's minimalistic possessions. ...my trunk which was another prized possession of mine.....where I had stored all those little memories....my favorite course books, notes, gifts, wind chime, ID card, letters, slam book, scarf, snaps, year book, that small Ganpati idol, tapes....... and a piece of me.....locked in the trunk since last 15 years.....intact.....untouched.....eating dust somewhere in the corner of my parental house.....

Someone recently was telling me.....how can u associate Urself with things like that......why can't u disassociate and like things the way they are.....and I don't know how that even works.....how to not associate  with things?!

Old music and songs can really be so therapeutic!! They so easily .....effortlessly take you back in time....also remind you of frens whose favourite song it used to be.....and of places times you were in with crystal clear image of Urself at that very point in time.....almost like as if you your current self is a spectator to that very moment in time you go back to.....

And you realise how long ago that was....and what a long way you have already come from there......so may be there will be a time sometime in future too when u will think about ur memories of today.....and feel the same.....

One day when she was very tired
And didn't want to go home tired to her loved ones
She looked around for a wall
To lean on
And to her surprise
She found a wall right there infront
The wall had always been there
But she had never noticed it earlier
May be her need made her notice the wall
But there the wall was
Standing tall...... right there
She leaned on the wall for a while
And vented out all her tiredness
All the while the wall was hearing quietly
She was glad that the wall absorbed it all
The wall never said anything
And she too never heard the wall
All of a sudden
She turned to look at the wall and asked
Were you listening
The wall didn't answer
That's when she realised
The wall could only hear
Afterall it was just a wall
But somehow she felt nice
That the wall could only hear
She didn't want the wall to listen
She never wanted the wall to listen
But she also knew
The wall will grow tired of hearing one day
And she will grow tired of the wall one day
She gave the wall a smile
As smile was all she could give in return
And left.....

She asked him

Where.....

And he answered

Here.......as always......


PS: Happy Valentine's Day S:)!!

When you are short of words.....and it's February!!

itti si hansi
Itti si khushi
Itna sa tukda chand ka
Khwaabon ke, tinkon se
Chal banaaye aashiyan

Dabe dabe paaon se
Aaye haule haule zindagi
Honthon pe ungli chadha ke
Hum taale laga ke chal
Gumsum tarane chupke chupke gaaye
Aadhi aadhi baat le
Aaja dil ki yeh zameen
Thoda sa tera sa hoga
Thoda mera bhi hoga apna yeh aashiyan

Naa ho chaar deewarein
Phir bhi jharokhe khule
Baadalon ke honthon pe
Shaakhe hari, pankha chale

Naa ho koi takraarein
Arrey masti thahaake chale
Pyaar ke sikkon se, mahine ka kharcha chale

Itti si hansi
Itti si khushi
Itna sa tukda chand ka
Khwaabon ke, tinkon se
Chal banaaye aashiyan

The Goblin appeared.....
Pixie was waiting anxiously....she knew Goblin would come.....

Goblin : So,  you know why I am here?!
Pixie (looking down) : yes....I know
Goblin : Good.....so extend your hand....I am going to take away some of your magical powers....
Pixie....still looking down....meekly extended her hands
Goblin : I am glad you are not questioning
Pixie : I fell weak.....I am sorry.....
Goblin : Hmmmm.....I was waiting to see when you will realise.....so how did sympathy feel?!!
Pixie kept looking down......

With that the Goblin left.......

No Strings Attached!!

So,  recently I happened to meet one of my bestest friends who was travelling to India on a vacation after long.....and as we sat conversing....we got into discussion on developing attachments.....and that's what got me thinking......

She is not the first person telling me that she doesn't develop emotional attachment with people.....I have been hearing it from few people (at least 2 of them I can think off.....who have told me the exact same sentence) .....so what exactly do they mean by not developing any emotional attachment....is it like they don't have any expectations from the opposite person or is it like out of sight is out of mind types. 

This reminds me off a very good friend I had few years ago.....so I had this habit of switching off my phone after reaching home from office and this friend of mine taunted me so much on this habit of mine that he ensured I don't switch off my phone after reaching home.....so much so that he used to give a call daily and speak for at least 30-40 min even if it was nonsense talk.....just to take me off the habit.....then one day he got an onsite opportunity.....and left abroad for work.....and he just never kept in touch....and it really took some time for me to adjust to the fact that there will be no evening calls (yeah I am bad at adjusting to practicality...I get attached to non-living things....forget about living beings) .....everytime someone talks off out of sight is out of mind and all I get reminded of this friend of mine.....a true example.....but I have never understood what exactly happens.....I can understand not keeping in touch....because it's probably impossible to keep in touch with every friend of yours.....even I, who gets attached to things at the drop of the hat (something I am not proud off.....)  find it difficult to keep in touch with people......but do you never get reminded of the person ever......is that possible....does that happen.....

May be it does......as people are so occupied these days that some people even time their lunch in such a way so as to not waste 5-10 minutes of their precious work time......then how can I even think of people finding time to remember long lost friends who are out of sight. I must be stupid!!

I was reading this article today which said find some time and talk to strangers.....it helps in reducing stress levels.....and I really don't know if that will help.....who is interested to speak to you to reduce your stress levels.....forget about strangers I don't think even friends are free to do that most of the times.....people are just so much into themselves and their work these days....sometimes it's just mind boggling....infact it irritates them if someone is trying to be friendly and eating into their time!!

But in this so called busy world there still are people ( you may call them names.....like I am :P) .....I had met once two people on my bus who had described their job to me.....how they had got out from corporate race and had started something of their own.....how passionate they were of the product they were trying to sell....what their hobbies were.....come to think of it.....even in this busy schedule they found time to follow their hobbies.....one was into photography of birds....he spent all his free time on shooting them.....and other one was fond of marathons......they showed me snaps of their family too (quite a bit for being strangers)...so total strangers whom I had met on a bus.....who were full of life.....and I even remember them telling me they felt claustrophobic in my office (where they had come to sell their product) because everyone seems so grim and grave.....not so much of a smile even!!

So yeah may be the article says it right....talking to complete strangers sometimes does probably help because you have no strings attached......you don't expect anything.....you just speak and listen.....if the conversation goes great.....well and good.... Doesn't go good you won't even remember it.....and it's always good in a way too.....because you never get to meet the stranger again.....so even if you got carried away and said anything.....it stays with the stranger.....no need to bother about it ever again!!